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Issue Task - Cooperation, not competition, makes one a good leader
[#permalink]
24 Jun 2023, 22:37
24 Jun 2023, 22:37
1
Hi guys! Can you review this issue essay and give feedback? Thanks 
The success of a leader isn’t gauged by their triumph in a domain, but rather on the ability to take up responsibility. The prompt recommends instilling a sense of cooperation in the minds of the youth, rather than competition, to create a successful leader. I mostly agree with the prompt for two reasons.
To begin, a leader who abandons his team at their nadir, and joins back when their performance is stellar screams a competitive mindset. They do not want their reputation as a leader to be denigrated, and would rather associate with a team that is likely to win than the one that fails to be consistent, even at the cost of abandoning their current team. Good leaders are revered for taking up responsibility for the team’s failure, and turning the spotlight towards the members when they succeed in a project. For instance, Doctor APJ Abdul Kalam, one of the most influential ex-prime minister of India and an ISRO scientist, revered one such leader. During an interview, he recounted the days when he was an ISRO engineer, and underscored the responsibility on ISRO to launch a rocket to interstellar space for setting up a satellite. When the rocket launch failed, he and his teammates hesitated to face the media and the public, but their team leader didn’t. He took up the responsibility for the failure while addressing the media. The team leader motivated his members to get ready for another launch. They were forlorn by the past failure, but to their surprise, the rocket launch was successful. The leader pushed his team members to the spotlight, asking Dr. Abdul Kalam and his team members to address the public. This constitutes the qualities of an exceptional leader. Had he been competitive with the mindset of getting fame and recognition, he would have deemed the team to be inefficient and moved away from them. But he listened to his team when they failed, and suggested corrections.
Furthermore, a good leader will never visibly demarcate as a ‘leader’ in a team. Having cooperated well with their teammates, and being highly perceptive, they will never pressurize their team members. They will also tend to be friendly with the team members, being together with them till the end of a project. For example, if the leader is pressured by the higher levels in an organization, they may negotiate with higher levels to ease the pressure, and in turn may create a conducive environment for the members of the team. If such a leader is supplanted with a one who isn’t cooperative but competitive, then the effect on the team is quite the opposite. The pressure to win translates to the team members, and they may be asked to take shortcuts to achieve a goal, which may be unfair for other competing teams. The team may not be guided properly and their problems may go unnoticed since this leader’s ears are open to just the idea of winning, and the need to resolve internal dissension and the health of the team will be at stake. For instance, take the case of the famous corporate giant that sold millions of food products that were devoured by the customers for its taste. They were consistently awarded the best food product for a few years. Later, the use of a hidden ingredient which can affect the health of the public came to light. Although the workers protested against the use of the ingredient, the leader turned a deaf ear and forced them to produce the product, creating an unconducive environment for the workers. This shows that a leader who just focuses on having a competitive edge, and missing out on cooperation isn’t ideal.
However, not all competition is bad. In the previous reasons which agreed with the prompt, only extreme forms of competition were covered - One that deals with the abandonment of responsibility and the other that covers the unreceptiveness of a few competitive leaders. A leader can be both competitive and cooperative. The best example of this would be Elon Musk. He is competitive because he is creating a revolution in space tourism. He proved his mettle by engineering reusable rockets. Autonomous cars, a challenging reinforcement learning application, is possible now. All this can be owed to his competitive nature; the tendency to not only be better than other competitors in the domain, but also be better than his past-self. His team members vouch for his cooperative nature, as he mostly stays in the organization all day to accomplish the task along with his team. All in all, a leader needs to be cooperative. That is a mandatory trait. Devoid of the extremities as mentioned in the previous passages, even a competitive mindset can aid one in creating a revolution along with being cooperative.
Quote:
The best way for a society to prepare its young people for leadership in government, industry, or other fields is by instilling in them a sense of cooperating, not competition.
The success of a leader isn’t gauged by their triumph in a domain, but rather on the ability to take up responsibility. The prompt recommends instilling a sense of cooperation in the minds of the youth, rather than competition, to create a successful leader. I mostly agree with the prompt for two reasons.
To begin, a leader who abandons his team at their nadir, and joins back when their performance is stellar screams a competitive mindset. They do not want their reputation as a leader to be denigrated, and would rather associate with a team that is likely to win than the one that fails to be consistent, even at the cost of abandoning their current team. Good leaders are revered for taking up responsibility for the team’s failure, and turning the spotlight towards the members when they succeed in a project. For instance, Doctor APJ Abdul Kalam, one of the most influential ex-prime minister of India and an ISRO scientist, revered one such leader. During an interview, he recounted the days when he was an ISRO engineer, and underscored the responsibility on ISRO to launch a rocket to interstellar space for setting up a satellite. When the rocket launch failed, he and his teammates hesitated to face the media and the public, but their team leader didn’t. He took up the responsibility for the failure while addressing the media. The team leader motivated his members to get ready for another launch. They were forlorn by the past failure, but to their surprise, the rocket launch was successful. The leader pushed his team members to the spotlight, asking Dr. Abdul Kalam and his team members to address the public. This constitutes the qualities of an exceptional leader. Had he been competitive with the mindset of getting fame and recognition, he would have deemed the team to be inefficient and moved away from them. But he listened to his team when they failed, and suggested corrections.
Furthermore, a good leader will never visibly demarcate as a ‘leader’ in a team. Having cooperated well with their teammates, and being highly perceptive, they will never pressurize their team members. They will also tend to be friendly with the team members, being together with them till the end of a project. For example, if the leader is pressured by the higher levels in an organization, they may negotiate with higher levels to ease the pressure, and in turn may create a conducive environment for the members of the team. If such a leader is supplanted with a one who isn’t cooperative but competitive, then the effect on the team is quite the opposite. The pressure to win translates to the team members, and they may be asked to take shortcuts to achieve a goal, which may be unfair for other competing teams. The team may not be guided properly and their problems may go unnoticed since this leader’s ears are open to just the idea of winning, and the need to resolve internal dissension and the health of the team will be at stake. For instance, take the case of the famous corporate giant that sold millions of food products that were devoured by the customers for its taste. They were consistently awarded the best food product for a few years. Later, the use of a hidden ingredient which can affect the health of the public came to light. Although the workers protested against the use of the ingredient, the leader turned a deaf ear and forced them to produce the product, creating an unconducive environment for the workers. This shows that a leader who just focuses on having a competitive edge, and missing out on cooperation isn’t ideal.
However, not all competition is bad. In the previous reasons which agreed with the prompt, only extreme forms of competition were covered - One that deals with the abandonment of responsibility and the other that covers the unreceptiveness of a few competitive leaders. A leader can be both competitive and cooperative. The best example of this would be Elon Musk. He is competitive because he is creating a revolution in space tourism. He proved his mettle by engineering reusable rockets. Autonomous cars, a challenging reinforcement learning application, is possible now. All this can be owed to his competitive nature; the tendency to not only be better than other competitors in the domain, but also be better than his past-self. His team members vouch for his cooperative nature, as he mostly stays in the organization all day to accomplish the task along with his team. All in all, a leader needs to be cooperative. That is a mandatory trait. Devoid of the extremities as mentioned in the previous passages, even a competitive mindset can aid one in creating a revolution along with being cooperative.
Re: Issue Task - Cooperation, not competition, makes one a good leader
[#permalink]
25 Jun 2023, 10:49
25 Jun 2023, 10:49
2
Expert Reply
Opinion Essay
Assignment Score: 68
Statistics
1. You have written 798 words.
2. I count a total of 4 paragraphs.
3. You have written 41 sentences.
4. Your average sentence length is 19.46.
5. You have written 0 question.
6. You have used 1 first-person pronoun (I, me, my, mine).
Writing quality: 60%
Cohesion:
You have transition words and cohesion devices in your essay to help your reader understand the relationship between your ideas. Add more transition words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of transitions that you can use are as follows: along the same lines, because of this, as an example, as an illustration, take the case of, to illustrate, as a matter of fact, there is no question that, without a doubt. Your score for this feature = 60/100
Dynamism:
Your writing style is quite dynamic. You write a variety of short sentences and long sentences. Increase the variance in your sentence length to increase your score. Your score for this feature = 80/100
Provocativeness:
Your essay contains very few words that will provoke an emotional reaction in your reader. Provocative words help to engage and sustain your reader's attention. Add more to increase your score. Here are some examples of words that provoke an emotional reaction in readers: awe-inspiring, brutal, children, danger, explode, fear, gorgeous, hoax, invasion... Your score for this feature = 40/100
Cliches:
I did not detect any cliches in your writing. No penalty was applied.
Exclamation marks:
I did not detect any exclamation marks in your writing. No penalty was applied.
Essay structure and content: 56%
Paragraph 1 - introduction: 66%
Title:
I could not detect any word with four letters or more in your title that was not capitalized. This tells me that you have capitalized your title correctly. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Opening:
The success of a leader isn’t gauged by their triumph in a domain, but rather on the ability to take up responsibility.
I was expecting to find a question, a quote, a statistic, or an anecdote in your first sentence of your introduction. There wasn't one. Remember to use either a question, a quote, or a statistic to engage your readers attention at the beginning of your essay. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Context:
I checked your introduction for words and phrases that writers use to establish the importance of their topic. I was unable to find any matches. Establish the importance of your topic with one of these phrases: a vital factor in, the leading cause of, widely considered to be, set to become, undergoing a revolution, is responsible for. There are others. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Thesis:
I mostly agree with the prompt for two reasons.
The last sentence uses provocative words that will make an impact on your reader. That's good. Remember that a good thesis statement should express a debatable claim that you can support with evidence and reasons. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Paragraph 2 - supporting argument: 35%
Topic sentence:
To begin, a leader who abandons his team at their nadir, and joins back when their performance is stellar screams a competitive mindset.
The first sentence of your first body paragraph makes a very weak claim. You can improve your score by making a strong claim in the first sentence of each body paragraph that you can elaborate on with the rest of the paragraph. Here is an example of a topic sentence that makes a strong claim: We need to tax processed food with added sugar to reduce the harm it is causing. Your score for this feature = 60/100
Argue:
You have not used any words commonly used in argumentation. Use argumentation words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: by analogy, we can conclude, evidence, fact, fallacy, implication, follows that, it makes sense, opinion, point of view, posit, premise, proof, statistic, reason, relevance. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Evidence:
You have not used any words commonly used used when giving evidence. That's NOT good. Use one or two more words and phrases for giving evidence to get a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: according to, to quote from, tells us that, shows us that, referring to, argues that, stated, wrote, argued, discussed, expressed the concern that. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Support:
You have used two words commonly used for providing support. That's good. Use one or two more support words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: a case in point, an analogy, another way, as an example, as an illustration, consider, put another way. Your score for this feature = 80/100
Paragraph 3 - supporting argument: 65%
Topic sentence:
Furthermore, a good leader will never visibly demarcate as a ‘leader’ in a team.
The first sentence of this paragraph contains words that will have an impact on your reader. That's good.
Nevertheless, remember this advice: an effective topic sentence in an argument essay should make a debatable claim that the rest of the paragraph will elaborate on with reasons and examples. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Argue:
You have used a word commonly used in argumentation. That's a good start. However, try to use one or two more argumentation words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: by analogy, we can conclude, evidence, fact, fallacy, implication, follows that, it makes sense, opinion, point of view, posit, premise, proof, statistic, reason, relevance. Your score for this feature = 60/100
Evidence:
You have not used any words commonly used used when giving evidence. That's NOT good. Use one or two more words and phrases for giving evidence to get a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: according to, to quote from, tells us that, shows us that, referring to, argues that, stated, wrote, argued, discussed, expressed the concern that. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Support:
You have used multiple words commonly used for providing support. That's excellent. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Paragraph 4 - conclusion: 66%
Reformulation of the thesis:
However, not all competition is bad.
Your reformulated thesis in your conclusion is 0% the same as your thesis statement in your introduction. That's good. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Recommendation:
The paragraph contains suggestion words like
No recommendation? I checked your conclusion for advice words to see if you had recommended a course of action to your reader. I was unable to detect any of these words and their conjugations: should, must, have to, has to, ought to, recommend, propose, encourage. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Prediction:
I checked your conclusion for prediction words to see if you had made a prediction. It seems you have. That's good. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Vocabulary: 86%
Argument-related words: because, proved, reasons, since
Feedback: You have used only a few words related to argumentation. Expect the minimum score for minimal effort. Your score for this feature = 60/100
Vocabulary profile:
Feedback: 45% of your essay comprises the most common 1000 words in the language. You possess a very large vocabulary and excellent academic potential. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Academic vocabulary profile: consistent, constitute, create, environment, achieve, affect, focus, previous, corporate, instance, task, goal, internal, project, resolve, challenge, prime, cooperate, cooperation, cooperative, domain, motivate, aid, abandon, abandonment, reinforcement, medium, revolution, team
Feedback: 29% of your essay comprises words from the academic word list. You possess a very large academic vocabulary and suggests excellent academic potential. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Language Accuracy: 70%
Number of errors: 5
Feedback: I detected a significant number of errors in your writing. Do your best to eliminate any avoidable errors in your writing by rereading your essay carefully and by using a spell checker and grammar checker. Your score for this feature = 70/100
Grammar Check Feedback
You wrote: ...mple, if the leader is pressured by the higher levels in an organization, they may neg...
Feedback: Use a superlative when referring to the of the highest quality or degree.
Suggestion: the highest
You wrote: ...other competing teams. The team may not be guided properly and their problems may ...
Feedback: Make sure that your verb is conjugated for your third person singular subject "The team may". Revise: "The team may not is".(va05)
Suggestion: The team may not is
You wrote: ... the case of the famous corporate giant that sold millions of food products that were devoured by ...
Feedback: You have used "that" with the plural noun "millions". Did you mean " that sold million" or " those sold millions"?
Suggestion: that sold million, those sold millions
You wrote: ...hem to produce the product, creating an unconducive environment for the workers. This shows...
Feedback: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: conducive
You wrote: ...nsibility and the other that covers the unreceptiveness of a few competitive leaders. A leader ...
Feedback: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: receptiveness
Assignment Score: 68
Statistics
1. You have written 798 words.
2. I count a total of 4 paragraphs.
3. You have written 41 sentences.
4. Your average sentence length is 19.46.
5. You have written 0 question.
6. You have used 1 first-person pronoun (I, me, my, mine).
Writing quality: 60%
Cohesion:
You have transition words and cohesion devices in your essay to help your reader understand the relationship between your ideas. Add more transition words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of transitions that you can use are as follows: along the same lines, because of this, as an example, as an illustration, take the case of, to illustrate, as a matter of fact, there is no question that, without a doubt. Your score for this feature = 60/100
Dynamism:
Your writing style is quite dynamic. You write a variety of short sentences and long sentences. Increase the variance in your sentence length to increase your score. Your score for this feature = 80/100
Provocativeness:
Your essay contains very few words that will provoke an emotional reaction in your reader. Provocative words help to engage and sustain your reader's attention. Add more to increase your score. Here are some examples of words that provoke an emotional reaction in readers: awe-inspiring, brutal, children, danger, explode, fear, gorgeous, hoax, invasion... Your score for this feature = 40/100
Cliches:
I did not detect any cliches in your writing. No penalty was applied.
Exclamation marks:
I did not detect any exclamation marks in your writing. No penalty was applied.
Essay structure and content: 56%
Paragraph 1 - introduction: 66%
Title:
I could not detect any word with four letters or more in your title that was not capitalized. This tells me that you have capitalized your title correctly. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Opening:
The success of a leader isn’t gauged by their triumph in a domain, but rather on the ability to take up responsibility.
I was expecting to find a question, a quote, a statistic, or an anecdote in your first sentence of your introduction. There wasn't one. Remember to use either a question, a quote, or a statistic to engage your readers attention at the beginning of your essay. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Context:
I checked your introduction for words and phrases that writers use to establish the importance of their topic. I was unable to find any matches. Establish the importance of your topic with one of these phrases: a vital factor in, the leading cause of, widely considered to be, set to become, undergoing a revolution, is responsible for. There are others. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Thesis:
I mostly agree with the prompt for two reasons.
The last sentence uses provocative words that will make an impact on your reader. That's good. Remember that a good thesis statement should express a debatable claim that you can support with evidence and reasons. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Paragraph 2 - supporting argument: 35%
Topic sentence:
To begin, a leader who abandons his team at their nadir, and joins back when their performance is stellar screams a competitive mindset.
The first sentence of your first body paragraph makes a very weak claim. You can improve your score by making a strong claim in the first sentence of each body paragraph that you can elaborate on with the rest of the paragraph. Here is an example of a topic sentence that makes a strong claim: We need to tax processed food with added sugar to reduce the harm it is causing. Your score for this feature = 60/100
Argue:
You have not used any words commonly used in argumentation. Use argumentation words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: by analogy, we can conclude, evidence, fact, fallacy, implication, follows that, it makes sense, opinion, point of view, posit, premise, proof, statistic, reason, relevance. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Evidence:
You have not used any words commonly used used when giving evidence. That's NOT good. Use one or two more words and phrases for giving evidence to get a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: according to, to quote from, tells us that, shows us that, referring to, argues that, stated, wrote, argued, discussed, expressed the concern that. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Support:
You have used two words commonly used for providing support. That's good. Use one or two more support words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: a case in point, an analogy, another way, as an example, as an illustration, consider, put another way. Your score for this feature = 80/100
Paragraph 3 - supporting argument: 65%
Topic sentence:
Furthermore, a good leader will never visibly demarcate as a ‘leader’ in a team.
The first sentence of this paragraph contains words that will have an impact on your reader. That's good.
Nevertheless, remember this advice: an effective topic sentence in an argument essay should make a debatable claim that the rest of the paragraph will elaborate on with reasons and examples. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Argue:
You have used a word commonly used in argumentation. That's a good start. However, try to use one or two more argumentation words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: by analogy, we can conclude, evidence, fact, fallacy, implication, follows that, it makes sense, opinion, point of view, posit, premise, proof, statistic, reason, relevance. Your score for this feature = 60/100
Evidence:
You have not used any words commonly used used when giving evidence. That's NOT good. Use one or two more words and phrases for giving evidence to get a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: according to, to quote from, tells us that, shows us that, referring to, argues that, stated, wrote, argued, discussed, expressed the concern that. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Support:
You have used multiple words commonly used for providing support. That's excellent. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Paragraph 4 - conclusion: 66%
Reformulation of the thesis:
However, not all competition is bad.
Your reformulated thesis in your conclusion is 0% the same as your thesis statement in your introduction. That's good. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Recommendation:
The paragraph contains suggestion words like
No recommendation? I checked your conclusion for advice words to see if you had recommended a course of action to your reader. I was unable to detect any of these words and their conjugations: should, must, have to, has to, ought to, recommend, propose, encourage. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Prediction:
I checked your conclusion for prediction words to see if you had made a prediction. It seems you have. That's good. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Vocabulary: 86%
Argument-related words: because, proved, reasons, since
Feedback: You have used only a few words related to argumentation. Expect the minimum score for minimal effort. Your score for this feature = 60/100
Vocabulary profile:
Feedback: 45% of your essay comprises the most common 1000 words in the language. You possess a very large vocabulary and excellent academic potential. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Academic vocabulary profile: consistent, constitute, create, environment, achieve, affect, focus, previous, corporate, instance, task, goal, internal, project, resolve, challenge, prime, cooperate, cooperation, cooperative, domain, motivate, aid, abandon, abandonment, reinforcement, medium, revolution, team
Feedback: 29% of your essay comprises words from the academic word list. You possess a very large academic vocabulary and suggests excellent academic potential. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Language Accuracy: 70%
Number of errors: 5
Feedback: I detected a significant number of errors in your writing. Do your best to eliminate any avoidable errors in your writing by rereading your essay carefully and by using a spell checker and grammar checker. Your score for this feature = 70/100
Grammar Check Feedback
You wrote: ...mple, if the leader is pressured by the higher levels in an organization, they may neg...
Feedback: Use a superlative when referring to the of the highest quality or degree.
Suggestion: the highest
You wrote: ...other competing teams. The team may not be guided properly and their problems may ...
Feedback: Make sure that your verb is conjugated for your third person singular subject "The team may". Revise: "The team may not is".(va05)
Suggestion: The team may not is
You wrote: ... the case of the famous corporate giant that sold millions of food products that were devoured by ...
Feedback: You have used "that" with the plural noun "millions". Did you mean " that sold million" or " those sold millions"?
Suggestion: that sold million, those sold millions
You wrote: ...hem to produce the product, creating an unconducive environment for the workers. This shows...
Feedback: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: conducive
You wrote: ...nsibility and the other that covers the unreceptiveness of a few competitive leaders. A leader ...
Feedback: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: receptiveness
Re: Issue Task - Cooperation, not competition, makes one a good leader
[#permalink]
25 Jun 2023, 10:50
25 Jun 2023, 10:50
1
Expert Reply
I think is good almost 5
