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Please rate my Issue essay
[#permalink]
25 Feb 2022, 17:46
25 Feb 2022, 17:46
Quote:
All parents should be required to volunteer time to their children's schools.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.
I partially agree with this recommendation to require all parents to volunteer time to their children’s schools. Volunteering could bring both positive and negative effects. Also, some parents might not have sufficient time to volunteer. Thus, this recommendation should be revised.
Parent volunteering at their children’s schools bring a number of positive effects. Parents’ awareness on their children’s learning environment can strengthen the relationship between the parents and the children. Parents have more things to ask about their children’s schools and children have easier time explaining things. Also, parents-teachers relationship could enhance as parents spend more time volunteering at the schools. They will have more time discussing about the schools, teaching materials, and children’s learnings. Thus, this recommendation would be advantageous to parents, children, and teachers.
However, excessive volunteering could result in a number of negative effects. If the parents spend too much time volunteering at the children’s schools, children might feel overbearing by their parents. Also, as parents spend more time at schools, their opinions can become too excessive. The worst-case scenario is when parents start interfering with the school administrations to enforce their ideas. There have been cases in which fights between schools and parents became too excessive that at the end, the quality of education diminished. Moreover, parents’ overbearing could result in growing dependent children. Instead of solving issues themselves, children rely too much on their parents. If this behavior persists, children’s advancement to adulthood could be deterred.
Moreover, this requirement increase burden to some parents who do not have enough time to volunteer at their children’s school. Single parents are a prime example. As a sole caregiver, single parents have to juggle both educating the children and brining home the bacon. Imposing this requirement increase too much burden to the single parents. Children from single parents might feel left out from a group of friends whose parents are able to volunteer at their schools.
In conclusion, parents’ volunteering at their children’s schools could bring both positive and negative effects. Also, this recommendation failed to consider the existence of a diverse group of parents. Thus, I partially agree with this recommendation.
________________________________________
I appreciate your honest opinion on my essay. Carcass
Thank you.
Re: Please rate my Issue essay
[#permalink]
25 Feb 2022, 23:01
25 Feb 2022, 23:01
Expert Reply
1
Bookmarks
Writing quality: 40%
Cohesion:
You have transition words and cohesion devices in your essay to help your reader understand the relationship between your ideas. Add more transition words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of transitions that you can use are as follows: along the same lines, because of this, as an example, as an illustration, take the case of, to illustrate, as a matter of fact, there is no question that, without a doubt. Your score for this feature = 60/100
Dynamism:
Your writing style is not very dynamic. Increase the variance in your sentence length by writing a combination of short sentences and long sentences to increase your score. Your score for this feature = 40/100
Provocativeness:
Your essay does not contain very many words that could provoke an emotional reaction in your reader. Provocative words help to engage and sustain your reader's attention. Add more to increase your score. Here are some examples of words that provoke an emotional reaction in readers: awe-inspiring, brutal, children, danger, explode, fear, gorgeous, hoax, invasion... Your score for this feature = 20/100
Cliches:
I did not detect any cliches in your writing. No penalty was applied.
Exclamation marks:
I did not detect any exclamation marks in your writing. No penalty was applied.
Essay structure and content: 41%
Paragraph 1 - introduction: 66%
Title:
I could not detect any word with four letters or more in your title that was not capitalized. This tells me that you have capitalized your title correctly. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Opening:
I partially agree with this recommendation to require all parents to volunteer time to their children’s schools.
I was expecting to find a question, a quote, a statistic, or an anecdote in your first sentence of your introduction. There wasn't one. Remember to use either a question, a quote, or a statistic to engage your readers attention at the beginning of your essay. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Context:
I checked your introduction for words and phrases that writers use to establish the importance of their topic. I was unable to find any matches. Establish the importance of your topic with one of these phrases: a vital factor in, the leading cause of, widely considered to be, set to become, undergoing a revolution, is responsible for. There are others. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Thesis:
Thus, this recommendation should be revised.
The last sentence uses provocative words that will make an impact on your reader. That's good. Remember that a good thesis statement should express a debatable claim that you can support with evidence and reasons. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Paragraph 2 - supporting argument: 40%
Topic sentence:
Parent volunteering at their children’s schools bring a number of positive effects.
The first sentence of this paragraph contains words that will have an impact on your reader. That's good.
Nevertheless, remember this advice: an effective topic sentence in an argument essay should make a debatable claim that the rest of the paragraph will elaborate on with reasons and examples. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Argue:
You have used a word commonly used in argumentation. That's a good start. However, try to use one or two more argumentation words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: by analogy, we can conclude, evidence, fact, fallacy, implication, follows that, it makes sense, opinion, point of view, posit, premise, proof, statistic, reason, relevance. Your score for this feature = 60/100
Evidence:
You have not used any words commonly used used when giving evidence. That's NOT good. Use one or two more words and phrases for giving evidence to get a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: according to, to quote from, tells us that, shows us that, referring to, argues that, stated, wrote, argued, discussed, expressed the concern that. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Support:
You have not used any words commonly used for providing support. Use one or two more support words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: a case in point, an analogy, another way, as an example, as an illustration, consider, put another way. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Paragraph 3 - supporting argument: 40%
Topic sentence:
However, excessive volunteering could result in a number of negative effects.
The first sentence of this paragraph contains words that will have an impact on your reader. That's good.
Nevertheless, remember this advice: an effective topic sentence in an argument essay should make a debatable claim that the rest of the paragraph will elaborate on with reasons and examples. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Argue:
You have used a word commonly used in argumentation. That's a good start. However, try to use one or two more argumentation words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: by analogy, we can conclude, evidence, fact, fallacy, implication, follows that, it makes sense, opinion, point of view, posit, premise, proof, statistic, reason, relevance. Your score for this feature = 60/100
Evidence:
You have not used any words commonly used used when giving evidence. That's NOT good. Use one or two more words and phrases for giving evidence to get a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: according to, to quote from, tells us that, shows us that, referring to, argues that, stated, wrote, argued, discussed, expressed the concern that. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Support:
You have not used any words commonly used for providing support. Use one or two more support words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: a case in point, an analogy, another way, as an example, as an illustration, consider, put another way. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Paragraph 4 - supporting argument: 25%
Topic sentence:
Moreover, this requirement increase burden to some parents who do not have enough time to volunteer at their children’s school.
The first sentence of this paragraph contains words that will have an impact on your reader. That's good.
Nevertheless, remember this advice: an effective topic sentence in an argument essay should make a debatable claim that the rest of the paragraph will elaborate on with reasons and examples. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Argue:
You have not used any words commonly used in argumentation. Use argumentation words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: by analogy, we can conclude, evidence, fact, fallacy, implication, follows that, it makes sense, opinion, point of view, posit, premise, proof, statistic, reason, relevance. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Evidence:
You have not used any words commonly used used when giving evidence. That's NOT good. Use one or two more words and phrases for giving evidence to get a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: according to, to quote from, tells us that, shows us that, referring to, argues that, stated, wrote, argued, discussed, expressed the concern that. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Support:
You have not used any words commonly used for providing support. Use one or two more support words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: a case in point, an analogy, another way, as an example, as an illustration, consider, put another way. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Paragraph 5 - conclusion: 33%
Reformulation of the thesis:
In conclusion, parents’ volunteering at their children’s schools could bring both positive and negative effects.
Your reformulated thesis in your conclusion is 0% the same as your thesis statement in your introduction. That's good. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Recommendation:
The paragraph contains suggestion words like
No recommendation? I checked your conclusion for advice words to see if you had recommended a course of action to your reader. I was unable to detect any of these words and their conjugations: should, must, have to, has to, ought to, recommend, propose, encourage. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Prediction:
No prediction? I checked your conclusion for prediction words to see if you had made a prediction. I was unable to detect any of these words: will, would, going to, likely to. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Vocabulary: 86%
Argument-related words: conclusion, opinions, sufficient, thus
Feedback: You have used only a few words related to argumentation. Expect the minimum score for minimal effort. Your score for this feature = 60/100
Vocabulary profile:
Feedback: 53% of your essay comprises the most common 1000 words in the language. You possess a very large vocabulary and excellent academic potential. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Academic vocabulary profile: environment, issue, require, requirement, administration, conclusion, positive, negative, rely, sufficient, impose, awareness, enforce, prime, diverse, enhance, adulthood, sole, volunteer, volunteering, revise, diminish, scenario, persist
Feedback: 24% of your essay comprises words from the academic word list. You possess a very large academic vocabulary and suggests excellent academic potential. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Language Accuracy: 80%
Number of errors: 4
Feedback: I was able to detect a few errors in your writing. Do your best to eliminate any avoidable errors in your writing by rereading your essay carefully and by using a spell checker and grammar checker. Your score for this feature = 90/100
Cohesion:
You have transition words and cohesion devices in your essay to help your reader understand the relationship between your ideas. Add more transition words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of transitions that you can use are as follows: along the same lines, because of this, as an example, as an illustration, take the case of, to illustrate, as a matter of fact, there is no question that, without a doubt. Your score for this feature = 60/100
Dynamism:
Your writing style is not very dynamic. Increase the variance in your sentence length by writing a combination of short sentences and long sentences to increase your score. Your score for this feature = 40/100
Provocativeness:
Your essay does not contain very many words that could provoke an emotional reaction in your reader. Provocative words help to engage and sustain your reader's attention. Add more to increase your score. Here are some examples of words that provoke an emotional reaction in readers: awe-inspiring, brutal, children, danger, explode, fear, gorgeous, hoax, invasion... Your score for this feature = 20/100
Cliches:
I did not detect any cliches in your writing. No penalty was applied.
Exclamation marks:
I did not detect any exclamation marks in your writing. No penalty was applied.
Essay structure and content: 41%
Paragraph 1 - introduction: 66%
Title:
I could not detect any word with four letters or more in your title that was not capitalized. This tells me that you have capitalized your title correctly. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Opening:
I partially agree with this recommendation to require all parents to volunteer time to their children’s schools.
I was expecting to find a question, a quote, a statistic, or an anecdote in your first sentence of your introduction. There wasn't one. Remember to use either a question, a quote, or a statistic to engage your readers attention at the beginning of your essay. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Context:
I checked your introduction for words and phrases that writers use to establish the importance of their topic. I was unable to find any matches. Establish the importance of your topic with one of these phrases: a vital factor in, the leading cause of, widely considered to be, set to become, undergoing a revolution, is responsible for. There are others. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Thesis:
Thus, this recommendation should be revised.
The last sentence uses provocative words that will make an impact on your reader. That's good. Remember that a good thesis statement should express a debatable claim that you can support with evidence and reasons. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Paragraph 2 - supporting argument: 40%
Topic sentence:
Parent volunteering at their children’s schools bring a number of positive effects.
The first sentence of this paragraph contains words that will have an impact on your reader. That's good.
Nevertheless, remember this advice: an effective topic sentence in an argument essay should make a debatable claim that the rest of the paragraph will elaborate on with reasons and examples. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Argue:
You have used a word commonly used in argumentation. That's a good start. However, try to use one or two more argumentation words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: by analogy, we can conclude, evidence, fact, fallacy, implication, follows that, it makes sense, opinion, point of view, posit, premise, proof, statistic, reason, relevance. Your score for this feature = 60/100
Evidence:
You have not used any words commonly used used when giving evidence. That's NOT good. Use one or two more words and phrases for giving evidence to get a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: according to, to quote from, tells us that, shows us that, referring to, argues that, stated, wrote, argued, discussed, expressed the concern that. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Support:
You have not used any words commonly used for providing support. Use one or two more support words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: a case in point, an analogy, another way, as an example, as an illustration, consider, put another way. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Paragraph 3 - supporting argument: 40%
Topic sentence:
However, excessive volunteering could result in a number of negative effects.
The first sentence of this paragraph contains words that will have an impact on your reader. That's good.
Nevertheless, remember this advice: an effective topic sentence in an argument essay should make a debatable claim that the rest of the paragraph will elaborate on with reasons and examples. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Argue:
You have used a word commonly used in argumentation. That's a good start. However, try to use one or two more argumentation words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: by analogy, we can conclude, evidence, fact, fallacy, implication, follows that, it makes sense, opinion, point of view, posit, premise, proof, statistic, reason, relevance. Your score for this feature = 60/100
Evidence:
You have not used any words commonly used used when giving evidence. That's NOT good. Use one or two more words and phrases for giving evidence to get a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: according to, to quote from, tells us that, shows us that, referring to, argues that, stated, wrote, argued, discussed, expressed the concern that. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Support:
You have not used any words commonly used for providing support. Use one or two more support words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: a case in point, an analogy, another way, as an example, as an illustration, consider, put another way. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Paragraph 4 - supporting argument: 25%
Topic sentence:
Moreover, this requirement increase burden to some parents who do not have enough time to volunteer at their children’s school.
The first sentence of this paragraph contains words that will have an impact on your reader. That's good.
Nevertheless, remember this advice: an effective topic sentence in an argument essay should make a debatable claim that the rest of the paragraph will elaborate on with reasons and examples. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Argue:
You have not used any words commonly used in argumentation. Use argumentation words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: by analogy, we can conclude, evidence, fact, fallacy, implication, follows that, it makes sense, opinion, point of view, posit, premise, proof, statistic, reason, relevance. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Evidence:
You have not used any words commonly used used when giving evidence. That's NOT good. Use one or two more words and phrases for giving evidence to get a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: according to, to quote from, tells us that, shows us that, referring to, argues that, stated, wrote, argued, discussed, expressed the concern that. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Support:
You have not used any words commonly used for providing support. Use one or two more support words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: a case in point, an analogy, another way, as an example, as an illustration, consider, put another way. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Paragraph 5 - conclusion: 33%
Reformulation of the thesis:
In conclusion, parents’ volunteering at their children’s schools could bring both positive and negative effects.
Your reformulated thesis in your conclusion is 0% the same as your thesis statement in your introduction. That's good. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Recommendation:
The paragraph contains suggestion words like
No recommendation? I checked your conclusion for advice words to see if you had recommended a course of action to your reader. I was unable to detect any of these words and their conjugations: should, must, have to, has to, ought to, recommend, propose, encourage. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Prediction:
No prediction? I checked your conclusion for prediction words to see if you had made a prediction. I was unable to detect any of these words: will, would, going to, likely to. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Vocabulary: 86%
Argument-related words: conclusion, opinions, sufficient, thus
Feedback: You have used only a few words related to argumentation. Expect the minimum score for minimal effort. Your score for this feature = 60/100
Vocabulary profile:
Feedback: 53% of your essay comprises the most common 1000 words in the language. You possess a very large vocabulary and excellent academic potential. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Academic vocabulary profile: environment, issue, require, requirement, administration, conclusion, positive, negative, rely, sufficient, impose, awareness, enforce, prime, diverse, enhance, adulthood, sole, volunteer, volunteering, revise, diminish, scenario, persist
Feedback: 24% of your essay comprises words from the academic word list. You possess a very large academic vocabulary and suggests excellent academic potential. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Language Accuracy: 80%
Number of errors: 4
Feedback: I was able to detect a few errors in your writing. Do your best to eliminate any avoidable errors in your writing by rereading your essay carefully and by using a spell checker and grammar checker. Your score for this feature = 90/100
Re: Please rate my Issue essay
[#permalink]
25 Feb 2022, 23:05
25 Feb 2022, 23:05
Expert Reply
The rating above is thanks of one of my tool. Honestly it is not a great essay
you need to improve a lot both from the gramma standing point and from the consistency
Use my guide please to improve https://gre.myprepclub.com/forum/the-defin ... -3426.html
you need to improve a lot both from the gramma standing point and from the consistency
Use my guide please to improve https://gre.myprepclub.com/forum/the-defin ... -3426.html
