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Can someone grade my issue essay?
[#permalink]
22 Apr 2022, 17:06
22 Apr 2022, 17:06
Quote:
Prompt: The perceived greatness of any political leader has more to do with the challenges faced by that leader than with any of his or her inherent skills and abilities.
CarcassGreatness of any political leader is important because the people will admire him or her, and a leader that is admired is important to retain loyalty from the people. From self-righteous, powerful people, a leader is about helping the people. Those people who admire leaders that make them submit are too beaten and lack the proper reasoning ability to discern what a truly great leader is. That is the people are more likely to serve a political leader who they perceive as great. There are differing opinions as to how greatness is achieved -either from challenges or from inherent skills or abilities. True greatness from a political leader is achieved from his or her challenges provided that this leader utilized his or her challenges in leading.
The world is not perfect and many people do not live perfect lives. Even the ultra rich are not devoid of problems, some have health issues. For example, one of Shaquille O’Neal’s sons has heart problems. Therefore, people do not want to admire a leader that is so much above him or her and cannot understand what they go through especially since political leaders have to create law to govern the people and (hopefully) only leaders who create law that help the people are allowed to stay in office. For example, a leader who is born poor would be a much greater leader for the people than the wealthy would. He or she would sympathize with the poor in a position of power and utilize that experience to give benefits to the poor such as basic healthcare, shelter, and food. The same goes for a political leader who is born black. He or she would empower black children who see him or her as a possible goal to achieve. Those leaders who do live perfect lives do get bashed openly in America. Unfortunately other countries are not so lucky. Criticism has been sent towards presidential candidate Mitt Romney and about how his dad is so wealthy that he never had to understand lack of money and could always ask “daddy” for money.
Another reason challenges can increase a political leader’s greatness is these challenges can help him or her understand how the world works. For example, Donald Trump worked hard in his life, went through bankruptcy challenges and eventually started to understand how the economy, business and real estate works. Going through challenges and learning from them can solidify a political leader’s understanding of the world, which can lead to him or her applying this in managing people in areas of finance, morality, and legality.
Unfortunately, the real world does not always admire the challenged leaders as great. For example, leaders such as Obama seemed to attend Harvard and have perfect lives. When challenges in his life were brought up such as succumbing to peer pressure and doing marijuana, they were severely bashed by the public. Other leaders such as Mitt Romney were bashed from flip flopping on issues even though his stance had changed from challenges he faced. Those people are too judgmental and fail to understand that these leaders are also people, and people are not perfect. There are others who would admire a leader who builds a large empire as great. For example, some of the Egyptian slaves admired their Pharoah as great even though he would force them to work hours on end. Those people who admired the Pharaoh as their leader were not empowered enough as people. If this enslavement is prolonged and the people empowered with the thought they could overthrow their leader, a rebellion will occur and their leader would no longer be as great as they once thought.
Thus, a political leader with empowered and happy people is someone who helps the people as well as create a powerful empire. A leader who is thought of as great is one who is admired not only because of his or her abilities but also his or her challenges. This will instill loyalty in the people since this leader will sympathize with the people and understand how to deal with issues in the world.
Re: Can someone grade my issue essay?
[#permalink]
22 Apr 2022, 22:12
22 Apr 2022, 22:12
Expert Reply
Quote:
Statistics
1. You have written 686 words.
2. I count a total of 5 paragraphs.
3. You have written 32 sentences.
4. Your average sentence length is 21.44.
5. You have written 0 question.
6. You have used 0 first-person pronoun (I, me, my, mine).
Writing quality: 66%
Cohesion:
You have a range of transition words and cohesion devices to help your reader understand the relationship between your ideas. That's very good. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Dynamism:
Provocativeness:
Your essay contains many words that will provoke an emotional reaction in your reader. That's good. It will help to engage and sustain your reader's attention. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Cliches:
I did not detect any cliches in your writing. No penalty was applied.
Exclamation marks:
I did not detect any exclamation marks in your writing. No penalty was applied.
Essay structure and content: 60%
Paragraph 1 - introduction: 66%
Title:
I could not detect any word with four letters or more in your title that was not capitalized. This tells me that you have capitalized your title correctly. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Opening:
Greatness of any political leader is important because the people will admire him or her, and a leader that is admired is important to retain loyalty from the people.
I was expecting to find a question, a quote, a statistic, or an anecdote in your first sentence of your introduction. There wasn't one. Remember to use either a question, a quote, or a statistic to engage your readers attention at the beginning of your essay. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Context:
I checked your introduction for words and phrases that writers use to establish the importance of their topic. I was unable to find any matches. Establish the importance of your topic with one of these phrases: a vital factor in, the leading cause of, widely considered to be, set to become, undergoing a revolution, is responsible for. There are others. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Thesis:
True greatness from a political leader is achieved from his or her challenges provided that this leader utilized his or her challenges in leading.
The last sentence uses provocative words that will make an impact on your reader. That's good. Remember that a good thesis statement should express a debatable claim that you can support with evidence and reasons. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Paragraph 2 - supporting argument: 75%
Topic sentence:
The world is not perfect and many people do not live perfect lives.
The first sentence of this paragraph contains words that will have an impact on your reader. That's good.
Nevertheless, remember this advice: an effective topic sentence in an argument essay should make a debatable claim that the rest of the paragraph will elaborate on with reasons and examples. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Argue:
You have used multiple words commonly used in argumentation. That's excellent. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Evidence:
You have not used any words commonly used used when giving evidence. That's NOT good. Use one or two more words and phrases for giving evidence to get a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: according to, to quote from, tells us that, shows us that, referring to, argues that, stated, wrote, argued, discussed, expressed the concern that. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Support:
You have used multiple words commonly used for providing support. That's excellent. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Paragraph 3 - supporting argument: 55%
Topic sentence:
Another reason challenges can increase a political leader’s greatness is these challenges can help him or her understand how the world works.
The first sentence of this paragraph contains words that will have an impact on your reader. That's good.
Nevertheless, remember this advice: an effective topic sentence in an argument essay should make a debatable claim that the rest of the paragraph will elaborate on with reasons and examples. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Argue:
You have used a word commonly used in argumentation. That's a good start. However, try to use one or two more argumentation words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: by analogy, we can conclude, evidence, fact, fallacy, implication, follows that, it makes sense, opinion, point of view, posit, premise, proof, statistic, reason, relevance. Your score for this feature = 60/100
Evidence:
You have not used any words commonly used used when giving evidence. That's NOT good. Use one or two more words and phrases for giving evidence to get a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: according to, to quote from, tells us that, shows us that, referring to, argues that, stated, wrote, argued, discussed, expressed the concern that. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Support:
You have used a word commonly used when providing support. That's good. Use one or two more support words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: a case in point, an analogy, another way, as an example, as an illustration, consider, put another way. Your score for this feature = 60/100
Paragraph 4 - supporting argument: 45%
Topic sentence:
Unfortunately, the real world does not always admire the challenged leaders as great.
The first sentence of this paragraph contains words that will have an impact on your reader. That's good.
Nevertheless, remember this advice: an effective topic sentence in an argument essay should make a debatable claim that the rest of the paragraph will elaborate on with reasons and examples. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Argue:
You have not used any words commonly used in argumentation. Use argumentation words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: by analogy, we can conclude, evidence, fact, fallacy, implication, follows that, it makes sense, opinion, point of view, posit, premise, proof, statistic, reason, relevance. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Evidence:
You have not used any words commonly used used when giving evidence. That's NOT good. Use one or two more words and phrases for giving evidence to get a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: according to, to quote from, tells us that, shows us that, referring to, argues that, stated, wrote, argued, discussed, expressed the concern that. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Support:
You have used two words commonly used for providing support. That's good. Use one or two more support words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: a case in point, an analogy, another way, as an example, as an illustration, consider, put another way. Your score for this feature = 80/100
Paragraph 5 - conclusion: 66%
Reformulation of the thesis:
Thus, a political leader with empowered and happy people is someone who helps the people as well as create a powerful empire.
Your reformulated thesis in your conclusion is 16% the same as your thesis statement in your introduction. That's good. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Recommendation:
The paragraph contains suggestion words like
No recommendation? I checked your conclusion for advice words to see if you had recommended a course of action to your reader. I was unable to detect any of these words and their conjugations: should, must, have to, has to, ought to, recommend, propose, encourage. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Prediction:
I checked your conclusion for prediction words to see if you had made a prediction. It seems you have. That's good. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Vocabulary: 93%
Argument-related words: because, opinions, reason, since, so, therefore, thus, true
Feedback: You have used a variety of words related to argumentation. That's good. Your score for this feature = 80/100
Vocabulary profile:
Feedback: 62% of your essay comprises the most common 1000 words in the language. You possess a very large vocabulary and excellent academic potential. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Academic vocabulary profile: area, benefit, create, economy, finance, issue, legality, occur, achieve, perceive, goal, retain, challenge, estate, utilize, submit, inherent
Feedback: 17% of your essay comprises words from the academic word list. You possess a very large academic vocabulary and suggests excellent academic potential. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Language Accuracy: 80%
Number of errors: 3
Feedback: I was able to detect a few errors in your writing. Do your best to eliminate any avoidable errors in your writing by rereading your essay carefully and by using a spell checker and grammar checker. Your score for this feature = 90/100
1. You have written 686 words.
2. I count a total of 5 paragraphs.
3. You have written 32 sentences.
4. Your average sentence length is 21.44.
5. You have written 0 question.
6. You have used 0 first-person pronoun (I, me, my, mine).
Writing quality: 66%
Cohesion:
You have a range of transition words and cohesion devices to help your reader understand the relationship between your ideas. That's very good. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Dynamism:
Provocativeness:
Your essay contains many words that will provoke an emotional reaction in your reader. That's good. It will help to engage and sustain your reader's attention. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Cliches:
I did not detect any cliches in your writing. No penalty was applied.
Exclamation marks:
I did not detect any exclamation marks in your writing. No penalty was applied.
Essay structure and content: 60%
Paragraph 1 - introduction: 66%
Title:
I could not detect any word with four letters or more in your title that was not capitalized. This tells me that you have capitalized your title correctly. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Opening:
Greatness of any political leader is important because the people will admire him or her, and a leader that is admired is important to retain loyalty from the people.
I was expecting to find a question, a quote, a statistic, or an anecdote in your first sentence of your introduction. There wasn't one. Remember to use either a question, a quote, or a statistic to engage your readers attention at the beginning of your essay. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Context:
I checked your introduction for words and phrases that writers use to establish the importance of their topic. I was unable to find any matches. Establish the importance of your topic with one of these phrases: a vital factor in, the leading cause of, widely considered to be, set to become, undergoing a revolution, is responsible for. There are others. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Thesis:
True greatness from a political leader is achieved from his or her challenges provided that this leader utilized his or her challenges in leading.
The last sentence uses provocative words that will make an impact on your reader. That's good. Remember that a good thesis statement should express a debatable claim that you can support with evidence and reasons. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Paragraph 2 - supporting argument: 75%
Topic sentence:
The world is not perfect and many people do not live perfect lives.
The first sentence of this paragraph contains words that will have an impact on your reader. That's good.
Nevertheless, remember this advice: an effective topic sentence in an argument essay should make a debatable claim that the rest of the paragraph will elaborate on with reasons and examples. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Argue:
You have used multiple words commonly used in argumentation. That's excellent. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Evidence:
You have not used any words commonly used used when giving evidence. That's NOT good. Use one or two more words and phrases for giving evidence to get a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: according to, to quote from, tells us that, shows us that, referring to, argues that, stated, wrote, argued, discussed, expressed the concern that. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Support:
You have used multiple words commonly used for providing support. That's excellent. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Paragraph 3 - supporting argument: 55%
Topic sentence:
Another reason challenges can increase a political leader’s greatness is these challenges can help him or her understand how the world works.
The first sentence of this paragraph contains words that will have an impact on your reader. That's good.
Nevertheless, remember this advice: an effective topic sentence in an argument essay should make a debatable claim that the rest of the paragraph will elaborate on with reasons and examples. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Argue:
You have used a word commonly used in argumentation. That's a good start. However, try to use one or two more argumentation words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: by analogy, we can conclude, evidence, fact, fallacy, implication, follows that, it makes sense, opinion, point of view, posit, premise, proof, statistic, reason, relevance. Your score for this feature = 60/100
Evidence:
You have not used any words commonly used used when giving evidence. That's NOT good. Use one or two more words and phrases for giving evidence to get a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: according to, to quote from, tells us that, shows us that, referring to, argues that, stated, wrote, argued, discussed, expressed the concern that. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Support:
You have used a word commonly used when providing support. That's good. Use one or two more support words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: a case in point, an analogy, another way, as an example, as an illustration, consider, put another way. Your score for this feature = 60/100
Paragraph 4 - supporting argument: 45%
Topic sentence:
Unfortunately, the real world does not always admire the challenged leaders as great.
The first sentence of this paragraph contains words that will have an impact on your reader. That's good.
Nevertheless, remember this advice: an effective topic sentence in an argument essay should make a debatable claim that the rest of the paragraph will elaborate on with reasons and examples. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Argue:
You have not used any words commonly used in argumentation. Use argumentation words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: by analogy, we can conclude, evidence, fact, fallacy, implication, follows that, it makes sense, opinion, point of view, posit, premise, proof, statistic, reason, relevance. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Evidence:
You have not used any words commonly used used when giving evidence. That's NOT good. Use one or two more words and phrases for giving evidence to get a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: according to, to quote from, tells us that, shows us that, referring to, argues that, stated, wrote, argued, discussed, expressed the concern that. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Support:
You have used two words commonly used for providing support. That's good. Use one or two more support words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: a case in point, an analogy, another way, as an example, as an illustration, consider, put another way. Your score for this feature = 80/100
Paragraph 5 - conclusion: 66%
Reformulation of the thesis:
Thus, a political leader with empowered and happy people is someone who helps the people as well as create a powerful empire.
Your reformulated thesis in your conclusion is 16% the same as your thesis statement in your introduction. That's good. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Recommendation:
The paragraph contains suggestion words like
No recommendation? I checked your conclusion for advice words to see if you had recommended a course of action to your reader. I was unable to detect any of these words and their conjugations: should, must, have to, has to, ought to, recommend, propose, encourage. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Prediction:
I checked your conclusion for prediction words to see if you had made a prediction. It seems you have. That's good. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Vocabulary: 93%
Argument-related words: because, opinions, reason, since, so, therefore, thus, true
Feedback: You have used a variety of words related to argumentation. That's good. Your score for this feature = 80/100
Vocabulary profile:
Feedback: 62% of your essay comprises the most common 1000 words in the language. You possess a very large vocabulary and excellent academic potential. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Academic vocabulary profile: area, benefit, create, economy, finance, issue, legality, occur, achieve, perceive, goal, retain, challenge, estate, utilize, submit, inherent
Feedback: 17% of your essay comprises words from the academic word list. You possess a very large academic vocabulary and suggests excellent academic potential. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Language Accuracy: 80%
Number of errors: 3
Feedback: I was able to detect a few errors in your writing. Do your best to eliminate any avoidable errors in your writing by rereading your essay carefully and by using a spell checker and grammar checker. Your score for this feature = 90/100
Re: Can someone grade my issue essay?
[#permalink]
22 Apr 2022, 22:14
22 Apr 2022, 22:14
Expert Reply
Quite good.
Make just better certain sentences such as
they are a bit hard to read. Overall a quite good essay. see above
Make just better certain sentences such as
Quote:
Therefore, people do not want to admire a leader that is so much above him or her and cannot understand what they go through especially since political leaders have to create law to govern the people and (hopefully) only leaders who create law that help the people are allowed to stay in office.
they are a bit hard to read. Overall a quite good essay. see above
