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Re: Please help to evaluate my argument essay. Thank you. [#permalink]
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This is an example how to restate your phrases and structure your essay.

Of these, you do have millions of video and resources.

http://youtu.be/ydfevLmcN9c

it is for IELTS exam but actually the essays are the same......blah blah blah
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Re: Please help to evaluate my argument essay. Thank you. [#permalink]
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Thank you for the comments. I will watch the video and improve on my writing.

Do you mind to elaborate further on "you miss almost completely to show via examples why and where are the flaws of the argument."?
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Re: Please help to evaluate my argument essay. Thank you. [#permalink]
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There are a variety of factors that could be the cause of the accidents. The time of the year and the popularity of rollerskating that season can be factors determining the number of rollerskaters as well as the number of accidents. Inexperienced rollerskater or an overly reckless one will both have increased likelihood of accidents.

For instance last year I have witnessed a race it is called: down the hill just upon the LA hills...........the racers must go down the hill to the valley at an increasing velocity AND elbow curves. All this is utterly mad.........the equipment I would bet does not save a life in such dangerous scenario

No information or details are given regarding how the statistics were obtained. Was the survey conducted in only a single hospital or numerous ones? Was the hospital near a skating rink, park or a playground? If these situations are considered, certainly the number of people visiting the hospital is going to be considerably different depending on the situation and cannot be generalized.

Along with this, it is also assumed that the number of people is large. Since the actual number is not explicitly mentioned, there is no way of knowing whether this was a substantial amount.

And so on and so forth. Guys put fantasy in what you write. Passion. Do not repeat mechanically a template when you write. be engaged.

Hope this helps.
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Re: Please help to evaluate my argument essay. Thank you. [#permalink]
Thank you for the comments. I will improve the essay based on your feedback.
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