Thanks for the feedback. By the way, belligerents mean the "competing parties." I have two more essays for anyone who is interested. These are the official GRE practice test prompts:
The best way for a society to prepare its young people for leadership in government, industry, or other fields is by instilling in them a sense of cooperation, not competition.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons or examples that could be used to challenge your position.Cooperation and competition can often be seen as conflicting ideals, but in reality they are not mutually exclusive. While a degree of competition is necessary for any government, industry, or other entities to succeed, cooperation is usually a complementary factor. A society should foster a competitive mindset for young people as they transition to adulthood, but likewise should emphasize that cooperation with peers and working together to achieve a common goal can be easier in the short term, with lasting benefits in the long term.
In today's globalized society, government and industrial competition is as high as ever, but also rely on an increasing range of resources to be successful. Instead of strongarming and bullying each other, innovative organizations leverage their resources through cooperation to achieve their goals. When pharmaceutical companies launch new drugs, the company requires many layers of approvals from both governmental and industrial entities to get a new drug on the market. As they are often competing with other manufacturers, the company that is able to facilitate an ideal environment between competition and cooperation is rewarded.
Further, governmental organizations such as the United Nations or European Union are needed for regional cooperation. These groups represent the interests of a range of members that each have their own areas of expertise and speciality. Through these cooperative groups, competitive industries in those countries become more visible on a global scale and their competitiveness is enhanced. While this allows organizations and governments to maximize their own areas of expertise, it also promotes their reliance on others who exceed in other areas.
As society becomes more globalized, existing leaders and older generations need to accomodate for the innovative younger generations as well. Not only does society need to foster and prepare young people in the changing mix between cooperation and competition, those currently in power must understand and acclimatize too. Often, the older generations can have an outdated worldview that does not necessarily align with current issues or needs. Successful governments and organizations should acknowledge that young people can be resources and contribute to current challenges.
While it is true that varying degrees of competition can be found in any government or organization, there is usually a cooresponding level of cooperation as well. As young people prepare to join society, they must at least understand that most challenges require a blend of the two. Further, there must be an environment for these people to practice and hone their competition and cooperation. Competition and cooperation are not mutually exclusive ideas and those who are able to evaluate how to blend the two will be most successful.
The following is taken from a memo from the advertising director of the Super Screen Movie Production Company.
“According to a recent report from our marketing department, during the past year, fewer people attended Super Screen-produced movies than in any other year. And yet the percentage of positive reviews by movie reviewers about specific Super Screen movies actually increased during the past year. Clearly, the contents of these reviews are not reaching enough of our prospective viewers. Thus, the problem lies not with the quality of our movies but with the public's lack of awareness that movies of good quality are available. Super Screen should therefore allocate a greater share of its budget next year to reaching the public through advertising.”
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.The Super Screen Movie Production Company wishes to increase the advertising budget for next year to increase attendance. However, the underlying reasons for a decrease in attendance over the last year should be closely evaluated. Currently, the company believes that a lack of awareness by potential customers is the main reason why attendance has dropped. While this can be one contributing factor, there are other potential issues that should be examined before the company commits to the increased advertising strategy.
While the report from the marketing department notes that the percentage of positive reviews by critics has increased, the increase could be attributed to a decrease in the overall number of reviewers. If several critics who usually give negative reviews did not review their movies last year and all else remained equal, there would be an artificial increase in the percent of positive reviews. The quality or credentials of the critics were also not presented. With many rating systems available on the internet, positive reviews by fans of the movies may be blended in with the professional reviews of the critics, thereby increasing the rating.
Further, Super Screen should understand the correlation between positive reviews and attendance; many highly acclaimed movies may not achieve blockbuster status while mediocre movies with huge budgets can break that threshold. In reality, blockbusters commonly have very mixed reviews and based on their revenue, win fewer accolades than movies with smaller budgets. Super Screen should look two years back to see if they had an unusually high number of blockbusters compared to the last year, which may have had an usually high number of smaller but more highly acclaimed movies.
Super Screen should also consider industry-wide factors, such as how their competitors performed. If their competitors had even lower attendance, that could mean that Super Screen actually did well last year. It is possible that the general economy in the last year was worse than the year before, and people simply did not have enough money to watch movies as often. Additionally, the rise of streaming services online will also contribute to lower in-person attendance of movies at theaters. Not only do these services provide faster and easier access to Super Screen movies, viewers also have a vast range of alternatives that are not available in theaters.
While the report does provide one piece of important information, Super Screen executives should evaluate the underlying reasons of the findings before increasing the advertising budget. They should ensure there are no conflicts of interest or biases from the report, and identify whether the issue is based on movie quality, movie quantity, critic quality, critic quantity, or even macroeconomic factors. Once this is addressed, Super Screen will be able to confidently select the best course of action to increase their movie attendance.
Carcass wrote:
The AWA are good, really.
However , I would say to be careful because some typos came up:
- belligerant and not belligerent
- idiom: not only ....but also. Not only....but
Just to say the two I noiticed.
Also you should write in a more consistent way: they are good enough BUT You lack of a precise scheme: Introduction - Body - Clear conclusion.
Moreover, I would avoid to insert example from outside such as Donald trump and would stay tight to a clear reasoning line of thought with example or else but NOT from outside. It is not polite and you could not handle such example. Could being bias.
Hope this helps