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Can someone please evaluate my AWA argument essay and give a score ?
[#permalink]
07 Aug 2023, 02:36
07 Aug 2023, 02:36
Question:
To understand the most important characteristics of a society, one must study its major
cities.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the
statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your
position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and
explain how these considerations shape your position.
Answer:
A nation is full of different people and people belong to different cities that exist today. Each city has a unique set of traditions and people. For example, India is rich in culture with more than 100 cities all over the country representing and showcasing various cultural heritage. People as the countrymen must understand the importance of atleast the cities that form a major part and contribute towards the growth of the country as a whole.
Nowadays, it is common to visit cities as a luxury and richness. Although this will enable the society to enjoy the beauty of nature and the city culture, it is equally important to study and understand what kind of people live in and how are they different from the others. Their heritage, culture , the variety in food consumption etc. Each city has its own food crops that are exported to the other parts of the country and one must appreciate the effort to produce these crops.
Learning about cities and people will make us realise that different lifestyles encourage us to incorporate ideas that are making certain cities better compared to the others for example in terms of reducing pollution and different types of farming practices, different technologies used by people and innovative methods for the development. In kerala there are machines that are used to remove coconuts that helps reduce efforts of farmers to climb the coconut trees. There are also technological advancements happening for example in a city like bangalore or hyderabad which provides employment opportunities at a much higher rate as compared to the others.
Learning about other cities would definitely benefit people to realise what other cities can incorporate from the learnings. It would motivate people in other cities to come up with innovative ideas for an upliftment and well-being. As each city grows and develops, the country advances further resulting in overall development and advancement.
To understand the most important characteristics of a society, one must study its major
cities.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the
statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your
position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and
explain how these considerations shape your position.
Answer:
A nation is full of different people and people belong to different cities that exist today. Each city has a unique set of traditions and people. For example, India is rich in culture with more than 100 cities all over the country representing and showcasing various cultural heritage. People as the countrymen must understand the importance of atleast the cities that form a major part and contribute towards the growth of the country as a whole.
Nowadays, it is common to visit cities as a luxury and richness. Although this will enable the society to enjoy the beauty of nature and the city culture, it is equally important to study and understand what kind of people live in and how are they different from the others. Their heritage, culture , the variety in food consumption etc. Each city has its own food crops that are exported to the other parts of the country and one must appreciate the effort to produce these crops.
Learning about cities and people will make us realise that different lifestyles encourage us to incorporate ideas that are making certain cities better compared to the others for example in terms of reducing pollution and different types of farming practices, different technologies used by people and innovative methods for the development. In kerala there are machines that are used to remove coconuts that helps reduce efforts of farmers to climb the coconut trees. There are also technological advancements happening for example in a city like bangalore or hyderabad which provides employment opportunities at a much higher rate as compared to the others.
Learning about other cities would definitely benefit people to realise what other cities can incorporate from the learnings. It would motivate people in other cities to come up with innovative ideas for an upliftment and well-being. As each city grows and develops, the country advances further resulting in overall development and advancement.
Re: Can someone please evaluate my AWA argument essay and give a score ?
[#permalink]
21 Aug 2023, 23:10
21 Aug 2023, 23:10
Expert Reply
Argument Essay
Writing quantity
1. You have written 316 words.
2. I count a total of 4 paragraphs.
3. You have written 14 sentences.
4. You have written 0 question.
Essay structure and content: 27%
Paragraph 1 - introduction: 35%
Opening:
A nation is full of different people and people belong to different cities that exist today.
I was expecting to find a question mark at the end of the first sentence of your introduction. There wasn't one. Remember to start your essay with a question to engage your reader's attention. Try questions like these: Have you ever seen...? or Did you know that...? Your score for this feature = 0/100
I was unable to detect any errors in your first sentence. That's good. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Context:
I checked your introduction for words and phrases that writers use to establish the importance of their topic. I was unable to find any matches. Establish the importance of your topic with one of these phrases: a vital factor in, the leading cause of, widely considered to be, set to become, undergoing a revolution, is responsible for. Your score for this feature = 0/100
It is not clear to me which of these topics you have chosen to write about: abortion, climate change, animal rights, body image, feminism, immigration, internet censorship Your score for this feature = 0/100
Thesis:
People as the countrymen must understand the importance of atleast the cities that form a major part and contribute towards the growth of the country as a whole.
Remember that a good thesis statement should express a succinct debatable claim with supporting reasons that you can develop with evidence.
Here is an example of a debatable thesis statement that makes a strong claim: We desperately need an added-sugar tax in this country because taxing sugar will cut sales of unhealthy food and because the tax money we collect can pay to treat the diseases caused by added sugar.
Here is another example: Clearly, the internet must remain free because censorship kills free markets and threatens to destroy our democratic system.
Here is one more: Every animal deserves rights because they feel and have intrinsic value.
Your score for this feature = 80/100
Paragraph 2 - first supporting argument: 32%
Topic sentence:
Nowadays, it is common to visit cities as a luxury and richness.
The first sentence of this paragraph has characteristics of a good topic sentence. That's good.
Nevertheless, remember this advice: an effective topic sentence in an argument essay should make one debatable claim that will catch your reader's attention and that the rest of the paragraph will elaborate on with reasons and examples. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Argue:
You have used a word commonly used in argumentation. That's a good start. However, try to use one or two more argumentation words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: by analogy, we can conclude, evidence, fact, fallacy, implication, follows that, it makes sense, opinion, point of view, posit, premise, proof, statistic, reason, relevance. Your score for this feature = 60/100
Evidence:
You have not used any words commonly used used when giving evidence. That's not good. Use one or two more words and phrases for giving evidence to get a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: according to, to quote from, tells us that, shows us that, referring to, argues that, stated, wrote, argued, discussed, expressed the concern that. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Cite sources:
You have not included an in-text citation, as far as I can tell. I was expecting to find a capitalized name (Walker) or year (2019) in parentheses in your first body paragraph. Scholars must use and cite information from reliable sources. Speak to your teacher or review the lesson in your textbook about how to cite sources within your paragraph. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Support:
You have not used any words commonly used for providing support. Use one or two more support words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: a case in point, an analogy, another way, as an example, as an illustration, consider, put another way. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Paragraph 3 - second supporting argument: 12%
Topic sentence:
Learning about cities and people will make us realise that different lifestyles encourage us to incorporate ideas that are making certain cities better compared to the others for example in terms of reducing pollution and different types of farming practices, different technologies used by people and innovative methods for the development.
Argue:
You have not used any words commonly used in argumentation. Use argumentation words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: by analogy, we can conclude, evidence, fact, fallacy, implication, follows that, it makes sense, opinion, point of view, posit, premise, proof, statistic, reason, relevance. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Evidence:
You have not used any words commonly used used when giving evidence. That's not good. Use one or two more words and phrases for giving evidence to get a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: according to, to quote from, tells us that, shows us that, referring to, argues that, stated, wrote, argued, discussed, expressed the concern that. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Cite sources:
You have not included an in-text citation, as far as I can tell. I was expecting to find a capitalized name (Walker) or year (2019) in parentheses in your second body paragraph. Scholars must use and cite information from reliable sources. Speak to your teacher or review the lesson in your textbook about how to cite sources within your paragraph. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Support:
You have used a word commonly used when providing support. That's good. Use one or two more support words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: a case in point, an analogy, another way, as an example, as an illustration, consider, put another way. Your score for this feature = 60/100
Paragraph 4 - counterargument: 28%
Topic sentence:
Learning about other cities would definitely benefit people to realise what other cities can incorporate from the learnings.
The first sentence of this paragraph has the characteristics of a counterargument. That's good. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Counter argue:
You have not introduced an opposing view using a commonly used phrase for reporting counterarguments. Improve your score by using a phrase from among these examples: some people claim, some people say, some believe, others believe, people object to, try to refute, discount, reject, it is often argued that, the opposing view, the opposing side. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Concede:
You have not used any phrases for conceding a point to opposing side. Being able to acknowledge and concede that there is apparent merit in the opposing view, you show your reader that you are fair-minded and reasonable. Here are some phrases you can use to concede: granted, it is true that, while it is true that, naturally, indeed, to be sure, admittedly, certainly, of course, one cannot deny that. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Refute:
You have not used any words or phrases to refute the opposing argument. You must mount an effect rebuttal. Here are some phrases you can use in your refutation of the counterargument: that being said, that said, however, nonetheless, nevertheless, on the contrary, on the other hand, regardless, whereas, although, and yet, in contrast, despite, countervailing evidence suggests. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Cite sources:
You have not included a citation. That's not good. It is important to indicate your sources. Speak to your teacher or review the lesson in your textbook about citing sources to improve your score. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Vocabulary: 30%
Argument-related words: study
Feedback: You have used very few words related to argumentation. When you argue for your point of view, use vocabulary related argumentation. Here are some examples: argument, antithesis, believe, by analogy, claim, conclude, counterargument, evidence, facts, false, falsehood, given that, hence, implication, it follows that, logic, logical, may conclude, opinion, opinions, points of view, posit, proof, relevance, relevant, research, statistics, therefore, thus, on the whole. Your score for this feature = 40/100
Topic-related words: consumption
Feedback: You have used 1 or 2 controversy-related words in your essay. That's a start. Your score for this feature = 20/100
Works Cited Section: 0%
Language Accuracy: 35%
Number of errors: 8
Feedback: I detected many errors in your writing. Reread your essay carefully and use a spell checker and grammar checker to help you identify and eliminate avoidable errors. Your score for this feature = 35/100
Grammar Check Feedback
You wrote: ...rymen must understand the importance of atleast the cities that form a major part and c...
Feedback: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: at least
You wrote: ...from the others. Their heritage, culture , the variety in food consumption etc. Ea...
Feedback: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
You wrote: .... Each city has its own food crops that are exported to the other parts of the coun...
Feedback: Conjugate your verb for a singular subject when you use "Each."
Suggestion: Each is
You wrote: ...ovative methods for the development. In kerala there are machines that are used to rem...
Feedback: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: Kerala
You wrote: ...ts happening for example in a city like bangalore or hyderabad which provides employment ...
Feedback: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: Bangalore, ban galore, Mangalore
You wrote: ...for example in a city like bangalore or hyderabad which provides employment opportunities...
Feedback: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: Hyderabad
You wrote: ...t other cities can incorporate from the learnings. It would motivate people in other citi...
Feedback: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: learning, earnings, leanings, yearnings, l earnings, learning s
You wrote: ...to come up with innovative ideas for an upliftment and well-being. As each city grows and ...
Feedback: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: enlistment, uplifted, uplifting
Writing quantity
1. You have written 316 words.
2. I count a total of 4 paragraphs.
3. You have written 14 sentences.
4. You have written 0 question.
Essay structure and content: 27%
Paragraph 1 - introduction: 35%
Opening:
A nation is full of different people and people belong to different cities that exist today.
I was expecting to find a question mark at the end of the first sentence of your introduction. There wasn't one. Remember to start your essay with a question to engage your reader's attention. Try questions like these: Have you ever seen...? or Did you know that...? Your score for this feature = 0/100
I was unable to detect any errors in your first sentence. That's good. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Context:
I checked your introduction for words and phrases that writers use to establish the importance of their topic. I was unable to find any matches. Establish the importance of your topic with one of these phrases: a vital factor in, the leading cause of, widely considered to be, set to become, undergoing a revolution, is responsible for. Your score for this feature = 0/100
It is not clear to me which of these topics you have chosen to write about: abortion, climate change, animal rights, body image, feminism, immigration, internet censorship Your score for this feature = 0/100
Thesis:
People as the countrymen must understand the importance of atleast the cities that form a major part and contribute towards the growth of the country as a whole.
Remember that a good thesis statement should express a succinct debatable claim with supporting reasons that you can develop with evidence.
Here is an example of a debatable thesis statement that makes a strong claim: We desperately need an added-sugar tax in this country because taxing sugar will cut sales of unhealthy food and because the tax money we collect can pay to treat the diseases caused by added sugar.
Here is another example: Clearly, the internet must remain free because censorship kills free markets and threatens to destroy our democratic system.
Here is one more: Every animal deserves rights because they feel and have intrinsic value.
Your score for this feature = 80/100
Paragraph 2 - first supporting argument: 32%
Topic sentence:
Nowadays, it is common to visit cities as a luxury and richness.
The first sentence of this paragraph has characteristics of a good topic sentence. That's good.
Nevertheless, remember this advice: an effective topic sentence in an argument essay should make one debatable claim that will catch your reader's attention and that the rest of the paragraph will elaborate on with reasons and examples. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Argue:
You have used a word commonly used in argumentation. That's a good start. However, try to use one or two more argumentation words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: by analogy, we can conclude, evidence, fact, fallacy, implication, follows that, it makes sense, opinion, point of view, posit, premise, proof, statistic, reason, relevance. Your score for this feature = 60/100
Evidence:
You have not used any words commonly used used when giving evidence. That's not good. Use one or two more words and phrases for giving evidence to get a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: according to, to quote from, tells us that, shows us that, referring to, argues that, stated, wrote, argued, discussed, expressed the concern that. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Cite sources:
You have not included an in-text citation, as far as I can tell. I was expecting to find a capitalized name (Walker) or year (2019) in parentheses in your first body paragraph. Scholars must use and cite information from reliable sources. Speak to your teacher or review the lesson in your textbook about how to cite sources within your paragraph. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Support:
You have not used any words commonly used for providing support. Use one or two more support words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: a case in point, an analogy, another way, as an example, as an illustration, consider, put another way. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Paragraph 3 - second supporting argument: 12%
Topic sentence:
Learning about cities and people will make us realise that different lifestyles encourage us to incorporate ideas that are making certain cities better compared to the others for example in terms of reducing pollution and different types of farming practices, different technologies used by people and innovative methods for the development.
Argue:
You have not used any words commonly used in argumentation. Use argumentation words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: by analogy, we can conclude, evidence, fact, fallacy, implication, follows that, it makes sense, opinion, point of view, posit, premise, proof, statistic, reason, relevance. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Evidence:
You have not used any words commonly used used when giving evidence. That's not good. Use one or two more words and phrases for giving evidence to get a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: according to, to quote from, tells us that, shows us that, referring to, argues that, stated, wrote, argued, discussed, expressed the concern that. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Cite sources:
You have not included an in-text citation, as far as I can tell. I was expecting to find a capitalized name (Walker) or year (2019) in parentheses in your second body paragraph. Scholars must use and cite information from reliable sources. Speak to your teacher or review the lesson in your textbook about how to cite sources within your paragraph. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Support:
You have used a word commonly used when providing support. That's good. Use one or two more support words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: a case in point, an analogy, another way, as an example, as an illustration, consider, put another way. Your score for this feature = 60/100
Paragraph 4 - counterargument: 28%
Topic sentence:
Learning about other cities would definitely benefit people to realise what other cities can incorporate from the learnings.
The first sentence of this paragraph has the characteristics of a counterargument. That's good. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Counter argue:
You have not introduced an opposing view using a commonly used phrase for reporting counterarguments. Improve your score by using a phrase from among these examples: some people claim, some people say, some believe, others believe, people object to, try to refute, discount, reject, it is often argued that, the opposing view, the opposing side. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Concede:
You have not used any phrases for conceding a point to opposing side. Being able to acknowledge and concede that there is apparent merit in the opposing view, you show your reader that you are fair-minded and reasonable. Here are some phrases you can use to concede: granted, it is true that, while it is true that, naturally, indeed, to be sure, admittedly, certainly, of course, one cannot deny that. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Refute:
You have not used any words or phrases to refute the opposing argument. You must mount an effect rebuttal. Here are some phrases you can use in your refutation of the counterargument: that being said, that said, however, nonetheless, nevertheless, on the contrary, on the other hand, regardless, whereas, although, and yet, in contrast, despite, countervailing evidence suggests. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Cite sources:
You have not included a citation. That's not good. It is important to indicate your sources. Speak to your teacher or review the lesson in your textbook about citing sources to improve your score. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Vocabulary: 30%
Argument-related words: study
Feedback: You have used very few words related to argumentation. When you argue for your point of view, use vocabulary related argumentation. Here are some examples: argument, antithesis, believe, by analogy, claim, conclude, counterargument, evidence, facts, false, falsehood, given that, hence, implication, it follows that, logic, logical, may conclude, opinion, opinions, points of view, posit, proof, relevance, relevant, research, statistics, therefore, thus, on the whole. Your score for this feature = 40/100
Topic-related words: consumption
Feedback: You have used 1 or 2 controversy-related words in your essay. That's a start. Your score for this feature = 20/100
Works Cited Section: 0%
Language Accuracy: 35%
Number of errors: 8
Feedback: I detected many errors in your writing. Reread your essay carefully and use a spell checker and grammar checker to help you identify and eliminate avoidable errors. Your score for this feature = 35/100
Grammar Check Feedback
You wrote: ...rymen must understand the importance of atleast the cities that form a major part and c...
Feedback: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: at least
You wrote: ...from the others. Their heritage, culture , the variety in food consumption etc. Ea...
Feedback: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
You wrote: .... Each city has its own food crops that are exported to the other parts of the coun...
Feedback: Conjugate your verb for a singular subject when you use "Each."
Suggestion: Each is
You wrote: ...ovative methods for the development. In kerala there are machines that are used to rem...
Feedback: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: Kerala
You wrote: ...ts happening for example in a city like bangalore or hyderabad which provides employment ...
Feedback: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: Bangalore, ban galore, Mangalore
You wrote: ...for example in a city like bangalore or hyderabad which provides employment opportunities...
Feedback: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: Hyderabad
You wrote: ...t other cities can incorporate from the learnings. It would motivate people in other citi...
Feedback: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: learning, earnings, leanings, yearnings, l earnings, learning s
You wrote: ...to come up with innovative ideas for an upliftment and well-being. As each city grows and ...
Feedback: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: enlistment, uplifted, uplifting
gmatclubot
Re: Can someone please evaluate my AWA argument essay and give a score ? [#permalink]
21 Aug 2023, 23:10
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