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Any feedback on my essay?
[#permalink]
10 Oct 2022, 05:11
10 Oct 2022, 05:11
Scoring 4 - 4.5 consistently. Eager to pull it up!
Argument: The following is a memorandum from the business manager of a television station.
"Over the past year*, our late-night news program has devoted* increased time to national news and less time to weather and local news*. During this period, most of the complaints received from viewers were* concerned with our station's coverage of weather and local news*. In addition, local businesses that used to advertise during our late-night news program have* cancelled their advertising contracts with us. Therefore, in order to attract more viewers to our news programs and to avoid losing any further advertising revenues, we should expand our coverage of weather and local news on all our news programs."
Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.
My essay:
The memorandum from a business manager states that the team should restore time devoted to weather and local news to its former level on the TV station in order to attract more viewers and to avoid losing any further advertising revenues. The argument is based on the station's increase in coverage of national news over the past year, complaints received from viewers, and local businesses cancelling their advertising contracts with the station. The author's argument, as it stands now, is flawed and requires further evidence to be properly evaluated.
Firstly, the author states that over the past year, the late-night news program has devoted increased time to national news and less time to weather and local news. To evaluate the argument properly, one must understand how much more time has been devoted to national news over the past year. Perhaps the TV station has increased time of national news from 20% to 60%. In this case, this would certainly be a noticable shift for its audience and may lead to decrease in viewers, as these viewers would consequently go to other channels that spend more time weather and local news, as that is what they are used to or prefer. However, if the increase time to national news was 20% to 25%, such a change may not have been noticable to viewers and would likely not change viewership significantly. In that case, the author's argument would be weakened - restoring time devoted to weather and local news would not attract more viewers.
Secondly, the author states that, during the stated time period, most complaints received from viewers were concerned with the stations coverage of weather and local news. To understand if this strengthens or weakens the author's argument, more information is needed on what the complaints were actually about. For example, perhaps the complaints were indeed about the coverage of weather and local news but specifically about the inaccuracy of the information the station was presenting. In this case, this would likely cause viewers to explore other channels and would weaken the author's argument that devoting more time back to weather and local news will increase viewership. However, if the complaints were specifically viewers noting that the station is reporting less on these two topics and more on national news, then that author's argument would be strengthened, and devoting more time to weather and local news may attract more viewers to the program.
Thirdly, the author states that local businesses have cancelled their advertising contracts with the channel but does not state why. Without further information, one cannot attribute this to the fact that the station increased national news coverage. Perhaps contracts were cancelled because the local businesses are not performing well and do not have the funds to put toward such advertising anymore. Perhaps the local businesses shut down all together. Both scenarious would weaken the author's argument that shifting back to focusing on weather and local news would avoid losing any further advertising revenue. However, if the local businesses specifically stated that cancelling contracts was due to the shift from weather and local news to national news, then this would strengthen the author's argument.
Ultimately, the author's argument, as it stands now, is significantly flawed and full of assumptions that must be further investigated. If the author is able to provide more evidence on how much the station has increased coverage of national news, what the complaints of viewers are actually about, and get to the root cause of why advertising contracts were cancelled, then the argument can be reassessed for its versimilitude.
Argument: The following is a memorandum from the business manager of a television station.
"Over the past year*, our late-night news program has devoted* increased time to national news and less time to weather and local news*. During this period, most of the complaints received from viewers were* concerned with our station's coverage of weather and local news*. In addition, local businesses that used to advertise during our late-night news program have* cancelled their advertising contracts with us. Therefore, in order to attract more viewers to our news programs and to avoid losing any further advertising revenues, we should expand our coverage of weather and local news on all our news programs."
Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.
My essay:
The memorandum from a business manager states that the team should restore time devoted to weather and local news to its former level on the TV station in order to attract more viewers and to avoid losing any further advertising revenues. The argument is based on the station's increase in coverage of national news over the past year, complaints received from viewers, and local businesses cancelling their advertising contracts with the station. The author's argument, as it stands now, is flawed and requires further evidence to be properly evaluated.
Firstly, the author states that over the past year, the late-night news program has devoted increased time to national news and less time to weather and local news. To evaluate the argument properly, one must understand how much more time has been devoted to national news over the past year. Perhaps the TV station has increased time of national news from 20% to 60%. In this case, this would certainly be a noticable shift for its audience and may lead to decrease in viewers, as these viewers would consequently go to other channels that spend more time weather and local news, as that is what they are used to or prefer. However, if the increase time to national news was 20% to 25%, such a change may not have been noticable to viewers and would likely not change viewership significantly. In that case, the author's argument would be weakened - restoring time devoted to weather and local news would not attract more viewers.
Secondly, the author states that, during the stated time period, most complaints received from viewers were concerned with the stations coverage of weather and local news. To understand if this strengthens or weakens the author's argument, more information is needed on what the complaints were actually about. For example, perhaps the complaints were indeed about the coverage of weather and local news but specifically about the inaccuracy of the information the station was presenting. In this case, this would likely cause viewers to explore other channels and would weaken the author's argument that devoting more time back to weather and local news will increase viewership. However, if the complaints were specifically viewers noting that the station is reporting less on these two topics and more on national news, then that author's argument would be strengthened, and devoting more time to weather and local news may attract more viewers to the program.
Thirdly, the author states that local businesses have cancelled their advertising contracts with the channel but does not state why. Without further information, one cannot attribute this to the fact that the station increased national news coverage. Perhaps contracts were cancelled because the local businesses are not performing well and do not have the funds to put toward such advertising anymore. Perhaps the local businesses shut down all together. Both scenarious would weaken the author's argument that shifting back to focusing on weather and local news would avoid losing any further advertising revenue. However, if the local businesses specifically stated that cancelling contracts was due to the shift from weather and local news to national news, then this would strengthen the author's argument.
Ultimately, the author's argument, as it stands now, is significantly flawed and full of assumptions that must be further investigated. If the author is able to provide more evidence on how much the station has increased coverage of national news, what the complaints of viewers are actually about, and get to the root cause of why advertising contracts were cancelled, then the argument can be reassessed for its versimilitude.
Re: Any feedback on my essay?
[#permalink]
10 Oct 2022, 07:14
10 Oct 2022, 07:14
Expert Reply
Paragraph 1 - introduction: 52%
Opening:
The memorandum from a business manager states that the team should restore time devoted to weather and local news to its former level on the TV station in order to attract more viewers and to avoid losing any further advertising revenues.
I was expecting to find a question mark at the end of the first sentence of your introduction. There wasn't one. Remember to start your essay with a question to engage your reader's attention. Try questions like these: Have you ever seen...? or Did you know that...? Your score for this feature = 0/100
I was unable to detect any errors in your first sentence. That's good. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Context:
I checked your introduction for words and phrases that writers use to establish the importance of their topic. I was unable to find any matches. Establish the importance of your topic with one of these phrases: a vital factor in, the leading cause of, widely considered to be, set to become, undergoing a revolution, is responsible for. Your score for this feature = 0/100
You have chosen climate change as your topic, but your introduction only contains one climate-related word. Use more for a higher score. Here are some words I expected to encounter in a discussion on this topic: climate, fossil fuels, global warming, greenhouse gases, IPCC, PPM, CO2, GHGs. Your score for this feature = 60/100
Thesis:
The author's argument, as it stands now, is flawed and requires further evidence to be properly evaluated.
The last sentence of your introduction incorporates characteristics of a thesis statement that should have an impact on your reader. That's good. Remember that a good thesis statement should express a succinct debatable claim with supporting reasons that you can develop with evidence and reasons. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Paragraph 2 - first supporting argument: 56%
Topic sentence:
Firstly, the author states that over the past year, the late-night news program has devoted increased time to national news and less time to weather and local news.
The first sentence of this paragraph has characteristics of a good topic sentence. That's good.
Nevertheless, remember this advice: an effective topic sentence in an argument essay should make one debatable claim that will catch your reader's attention and that the rest of the paragraph will elaborate on with reasons and examples. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Argue:
You have used multiple words commonly used in argumentation. That's excellent. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Evidence:
You have not used any words commonly used used when giving evidence. That's not good. Use one or two more words and phrases for giving evidence to get a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: according to, to quote from, tells us that, shows us that, referring to, argues that, stated, wrote, argued, discussed, expressed the concern that. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Cite sources:
You have not included an in-text citation, as far as I can tell. I was expecting to find a capitalized name (Walker) or year (2019) in parentheses in your first body paragraph. Scholars must use and cite information from reliable sources. Speak to your teacher or review the lesson in your textbook about how to cite sources within your paragraph. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Support:
You have used two words commonly used for providing support. That's good. Use one or two more support words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: a case in point, an analogy, another way, as an example, as an illustration, consider, put another way. Your score for this feature = 80/100
Paragraph 3 - second supporting argument: 72%
Topic sentence:
Secondly, the author states that, during the stated time period, most complaints received from viewers were concerned with the stations coverage of weather and local news.
The first sentence of this second body paragraph has characteristics of a strong topic sentence. That's good. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Argue:
You have used multiple words commonly used in argumentation. That's excellent. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Evidence:
You have used a word commonly used when giving evidence. That's good. Use one or two more words and phrases for giving evidence to get a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: according to, to quote from, tells us that, shows us that, referring to, argues that, stated, wrote, argued, discussed, expressed the concern that. Your score for this feature = 60/100
Cite sources:
You have not included an in-text citation, as far as I can tell. I was expecting to find a capitalized name (Walker) or year (2019) in parentheses in your second body paragraph. Scholars must use and cite information from reliable sources. Speak to your teacher or review the lesson in your textbook about how to cite sources within your paragraph. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Support:
You have used multiple words commonly used for providing support. That's excellent. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Paragraph 4 - counterargument: 40%
Topic sentence:
Thirdly, the author states that local businesses have cancelled their advertising contracts with the channel but does not state why.
The first sentence of this paragraph has the characteristics of a counterargument. That's good. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Counter argue:
You have not introduced an opposing view using a commonly used phrase for reporting counterarguments. Improve your score by using a phrase from among these examples: some people claim, some people say, some believe, others believe, people object to, try to refute, discount, reject, it is often argued that, the opposing view, the opposing side. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Concede:
You have not used any phrases for conceding a point to opposing side. Being able to acknowledge and concede that there is apparent merit in the opposing view, you show your reader that you are fair-minded and reasonable. Here are some phrases you can use to concede: granted, it is true that, while it is true that, naturally, indeed, to be sure, admittedly, certainly, of course, one cannot deny that. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Refute:
You have used a word or phrase to signal your refutation of the opposing argument. That's good. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Cite sources:
You have not included a citation. That's not good. It is important to indicate your sources. Speak to your teacher or review the lesson in your textbook about citing sources to improve your score. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Conclusion: 73%
Reformulation of the thesis:
Ultimately, the author's argument, as it stands now, is significantly flawed and full of assumptions that must be further investigated.
Your reformulated thesis in your conclusion is 38% the same as your thesis statement in your introduction. That's acceptable. Your score for this feature = 80/100
The first sentence of your conclusion takes a strong stance. That's very good. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Recommendation:
The paragraph contains suggestion words like must.
You made a recommendation. That's good. It is a good practice in an essay of this type to recommend a course of action to your reader. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Prediction:
The paragraph contains prediction words like .
No prediction? I checked your conclusion for prediction words to see if you had made a prediction. I was unable to detect any of these words: will, would, going to, likely to. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Vocabulary: 60%
Argument-related words: argument, because, evidence, fact, state, stated, states
Feedback: You have used many words related to argumentation. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Topic-related words: advertising, evidence
Feedback: You have used 1 or 2 controversy-related words in your essay. That's a start. Your score for this feature = 20/100
Works Cited Section: 0%
Language Accuracy: 35%
Number of errors: 13
Feedback: I detected many errors in your writing. Reread your essay carefully and use a spell checker and grammar checker to help you identify and eliminate avoidable errors. Your score for this feature = 35/100
Grammar Check Feedback
You wrote: ...ived from viewers, and local businesses cancelling their advertising contracts with the st...
Feedback: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: canceling, cancel ling
You wrote: ...In this case, this would certainly be a noticable shift for its audience and may lead to ...
Feedback: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: noticeable
You wrote: ... shift for its audience and may lead to decrease in viewers, as these viewers would cons...
Feedback: You need an article with the word "decrease." Revise: "a decrease".
Suggestion: a decrease
You wrote: ...to 25%, such a change may not have been noticable to viewers and would likely not change ...
Feedback: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: noticeable
You wrote: ...ed from viewers were concerned with the stations coverage of weather and local news. To ...
Feedback: An apostrophe is missing here. (apos-1)
Suggestion: stations', station's
You wrote: ...cs and more on national news, then that author's argument would be strengthened, and dev...
Feedback: You have put an apostrophe where it is not needed: "that authors".
Suggestion: that authors
You wrote: ...uthor states that local businesses have cancelled their advertising contracts with the ch...
Feedback: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: canceled, can celled, cancel led
You wrote: ...l news coverage. Perhaps contracts were cancelled because the local businesses are not pe...
Feedback: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: canceled, can celled, cancel led
You wrote: ... businesses are not performing well and do not have the funds to put toward such a...
Feedback: Use a past participle instead of an infinitive.
Suggestion: well and done
You wrote: ...businesses shut down all together. Both scenarious would weaken the author's argument that...
Feedback: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: scenarios, scenario us
You wrote: ...cal businesses specifically stated that cancelling contracts was due to the shift from wea...
Feedback: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: canceling, cancel ling
You wrote: ...cause of why advertising contracts were cancelled, then the argument can be reassessed fo...
Feedback: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: canceled, can celled, cancel led
You wrote: ... the argument can be reassessed for its versimilitude.
Feedback: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: verisimilitude
Opening:
The memorandum from a business manager states that the team should restore time devoted to weather and local news to its former level on the TV station in order to attract more viewers and to avoid losing any further advertising revenues.
I was expecting to find a question mark at the end of the first sentence of your introduction. There wasn't one. Remember to start your essay with a question to engage your reader's attention. Try questions like these: Have you ever seen...? or Did you know that...? Your score for this feature = 0/100
I was unable to detect any errors in your first sentence. That's good. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Context:
I checked your introduction for words and phrases that writers use to establish the importance of their topic. I was unable to find any matches. Establish the importance of your topic with one of these phrases: a vital factor in, the leading cause of, widely considered to be, set to become, undergoing a revolution, is responsible for. Your score for this feature = 0/100
You have chosen climate change as your topic, but your introduction only contains one climate-related word. Use more for a higher score. Here are some words I expected to encounter in a discussion on this topic: climate, fossil fuels, global warming, greenhouse gases, IPCC, PPM, CO2, GHGs. Your score for this feature = 60/100
Thesis:
The author's argument, as it stands now, is flawed and requires further evidence to be properly evaluated.
The last sentence of your introduction incorporates characteristics of a thesis statement that should have an impact on your reader. That's good. Remember that a good thesis statement should express a succinct debatable claim with supporting reasons that you can develop with evidence and reasons. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Paragraph 2 - first supporting argument: 56%
Topic sentence:
Firstly, the author states that over the past year, the late-night news program has devoted increased time to national news and less time to weather and local news.
The first sentence of this paragraph has characteristics of a good topic sentence. That's good.
Nevertheless, remember this advice: an effective topic sentence in an argument essay should make one debatable claim that will catch your reader's attention and that the rest of the paragraph will elaborate on with reasons and examples. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Argue:
You have used multiple words commonly used in argumentation. That's excellent. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Evidence:
You have not used any words commonly used used when giving evidence. That's not good. Use one or two more words and phrases for giving evidence to get a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: according to, to quote from, tells us that, shows us that, referring to, argues that, stated, wrote, argued, discussed, expressed the concern that. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Cite sources:
You have not included an in-text citation, as far as I can tell. I was expecting to find a capitalized name (Walker) or year (2019) in parentheses in your first body paragraph. Scholars must use and cite information from reliable sources. Speak to your teacher or review the lesson in your textbook about how to cite sources within your paragraph. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Support:
You have used two words commonly used for providing support. That's good. Use one or two more support words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: a case in point, an analogy, another way, as an example, as an illustration, consider, put another way. Your score for this feature = 80/100
Paragraph 3 - second supporting argument: 72%
Topic sentence:
Secondly, the author states that, during the stated time period, most complaints received from viewers were concerned with the stations coverage of weather and local news.
The first sentence of this second body paragraph has characteristics of a strong topic sentence. That's good. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Argue:
You have used multiple words commonly used in argumentation. That's excellent. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Evidence:
You have used a word commonly used when giving evidence. That's good. Use one or two more words and phrases for giving evidence to get a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: according to, to quote from, tells us that, shows us that, referring to, argues that, stated, wrote, argued, discussed, expressed the concern that. Your score for this feature = 60/100
Cite sources:
You have not included an in-text citation, as far as I can tell. I was expecting to find a capitalized name (Walker) or year (2019) in parentheses in your second body paragraph. Scholars must use and cite information from reliable sources. Speak to your teacher or review the lesson in your textbook about how to cite sources within your paragraph. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Support:
You have used multiple words commonly used for providing support. That's excellent. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Paragraph 4 - counterargument: 40%
Topic sentence:
Thirdly, the author states that local businesses have cancelled their advertising contracts with the channel but does not state why.
The first sentence of this paragraph has the characteristics of a counterargument. That's good. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Counter argue:
You have not introduced an opposing view using a commonly used phrase for reporting counterarguments. Improve your score by using a phrase from among these examples: some people claim, some people say, some believe, others believe, people object to, try to refute, discount, reject, it is often argued that, the opposing view, the opposing side. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Concede:
You have not used any phrases for conceding a point to opposing side. Being able to acknowledge and concede that there is apparent merit in the opposing view, you show your reader that you are fair-minded and reasonable. Here are some phrases you can use to concede: granted, it is true that, while it is true that, naturally, indeed, to be sure, admittedly, certainly, of course, one cannot deny that. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Refute:
You have used a word or phrase to signal your refutation of the opposing argument. That's good. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Cite sources:
You have not included a citation. That's not good. It is important to indicate your sources. Speak to your teacher or review the lesson in your textbook about citing sources to improve your score. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Conclusion: 73%
Reformulation of the thesis:
Ultimately, the author's argument, as it stands now, is significantly flawed and full of assumptions that must be further investigated.
Your reformulated thesis in your conclusion is 38% the same as your thesis statement in your introduction. That's acceptable. Your score for this feature = 80/100
The first sentence of your conclusion takes a strong stance. That's very good. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Recommendation:
The paragraph contains suggestion words like must.
You made a recommendation. That's good. It is a good practice in an essay of this type to recommend a course of action to your reader. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Prediction:
The paragraph contains prediction words like .
No prediction? I checked your conclusion for prediction words to see if you had made a prediction. I was unable to detect any of these words: will, would, going to, likely to. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Vocabulary: 60%
Argument-related words: argument, because, evidence, fact, state, stated, states
Feedback: You have used many words related to argumentation. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Topic-related words: advertising, evidence
Feedback: You have used 1 or 2 controversy-related words in your essay. That's a start. Your score for this feature = 20/100
Works Cited Section: 0%
Language Accuracy: 35%
Number of errors: 13
Feedback: I detected many errors in your writing. Reread your essay carefully and use a spell checker and grammar checker to help you identify and eliminate avoidable errors. Your score for this feature = 35/100
Grammar Check Feedback
You wrote: ...ived from viewers, and local businesses cancelling their advertising contracts with the st...
Feedback: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: canceling, cancel ling
You wrote: ...In this case, this would certainly be a noticable shift for its audience and may lead to ...
Feedback: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: noticeable
You wrote: ... shift for its audience and may lead to decrease in viewers, as these viewers would cons...
Feedback: You need an article with the word "decrease." Revise: "a decrease".
Suggestion: a decrease
You wrote: ...to 25%, such a change may not have been noticable to viewers and would likely not change ...
Feedback: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: noticeable
You wrote: ...ed from viewers were concerned with the stations coverage of weather and local news. To ...
Feedback: An apostrophe is missing here. (apos-1)
Suggestion: stations', station's
You wrote: ...cs and more on national news, then that author's argument would be strengthened, and dev...
Feedback: You have put an apostrophe where it is not needed: "that authors".
Suggestion: that authors
You wrote: ...uthor states that local businesses have cancelled their advertising contracts with the ch...
Feedback: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: canceled, can celled, cancel led
You wrote: ...l news coverage. Perhaps contracts were cancelled because the local businesses are not pe...
Feedback: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: canceled, can celled, cancel led
You wrote: ... businesses are not performing well and do not have the funds to put toward such a...
Feedback: Use a past participle instead of an infinitive.
Suggestion: well and done
You wrote: ...businesses shut down all together. Both scenarious would weaken the author's argument that...
Feedback: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: scenarios, scenario us
You wrote: ...cal businesses specifically stated that cancelling contracts was due to the shift from wea...
Feedback: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: canceling, cancel ling
You wrote: ...cause of why advertising contracts were cancelled, then the argument can be reassessed fo...
Feedback: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: canceled, can celled, cancel led
You wrote: ... the argument can be reassessed for its versimilitude.
Feedback: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: verisimilitude
gmatclubot
Re: Any feedback on my essay? [#permalink]
10 Oct 2022, 07:14
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