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Issue Task - Some people believe that corporations have a re
[#permalink]
14 Jul 2019, 07:26
14 Jul 2019, 07:26
Prompt
My response
Please let me know what you believe my score out of 6 would be for this, as the issue essays are my weaker essays of the two, along with any constructive criticism to do better next time. Thanks in advance!
Quote:
Some people believe that corporations have a responsibility to promote the well-being of the societies and environments in which they operate. Others believe that the only responsibility of corporations, provided they operate within the law, is to make as much money as possible.
Write a response in which you discuss which view more closely aligns with your own position and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should address both of the views presented.
Write a response in which you discuss which view more closely aligns with your own position and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should address both of the views presented.
My response
Quote:
In today’s society, big corporations and companies heavily influence the lives of the majority of people on the planet via their products and services, which often generate them a prodigious affluence with which to continue growing their business. It may seem that because of all the opulence these companies have that they should try to use some of this money and influence to give back to the community; however, the corporations are not directly responsible for how society acts, but rather the people who control these organizations. Therefore, these corporations’ main responsibility should be to make as much money as possible in order to allow for external philanthropic efforts.
Investment is a major part of many people’s lives, as it allows them to grow their money over the span of some years. Most people who partake in investing for this very reason will buy stocks from corporations that they believe will grow, which will in turn increase their very own net worth. Particularly opulent and magnanimous individuals will often times liquidate the stocks they have to be donated to various charities and nonprofit organizations worldwide. One example of such a situation is Priscilla Chen and Mark Zuckerberg’s company “The Chan Zuckerberg Initiative”, which has been endowed a billion dollars of Facebook shares annually since its founding for the purpose of increasing the betterment of human living conditions and lifestyles in various areas of need. For this reason along with other various examples, the corporations indirectly funding these operations should only focus on making money so that its shareholders can give away their stocks as largesse.
Corporations are also helping society more than just through indirectly providing stocks for the generous; they provide new jobs and opportunities for those who are seeking employment. This increase in demand for employment allows for people in various difficult circumstances and from different backgrounds to provide for themselves and their families while helping these corporations continue building their money. Had these companies not built their money, they wouldn’t have as many chances to give people new jobs, which would in turn leave more people unemployed and in need of financial aid. Therefore, corporations are already doing a great service by building their money and allowing more people to work for them.
On the other hand however, corporations are mostly the ones making and selling the products that are in need, and people will argue that because of this corporations have a liability to give some of their products away as charity. However, by doing this, corporations will lose money, and in turn not be able to create as much of their product as possible. This drawback does not need to be considered however, because often times, charities will use the money donated to them to buy said products from these corporations to further their altruistic operations, which in turn allows for corporations to continue making their products without worrying about losing money. As a result, corporations need not sacrifice their net worth for the sake of benevolence, but rather continue to make more money in order to make and sell even more of these products that will go to the less fortunate.
In conclusion, although corporations often make the products needed to promote society’s wellbeing, they are not responsible for anything more than selling their goods and making as much money as they can, because it is through these actions that the corporations themselves indirectly help society through the actions of generous people in power. In fact, acts like these from individuals rather than corporations can potentially invigorate other more “normal” members of society to give to the common cause through their own money and efforts, creating a stronger sense of community and hope for the future.
Investment is a major part of many people’s lives, as it allows them to grow their money over the span of some years. Most people who partake in investing for this very reason will buy stocks from corporations that they believe will grow, which will in turn increase their very own net worth. Particularly opulent and magnanimous individuals will often times liquidate the stocks they have to be donated to various charities and nonprofit organizations worldwide. One example of such a situation is Priscilla Chen and Mark Zuckerberg’s company “The Chan Zuckerberg Initiative”, which has been endowed a billion dollars of Facebook shares annually since its founding for the purpose of increasing the betterment of human living conditions and lifestyles in various areas of need. For this reason along with other various examples, the corporations indirectly funding these operations should only focus on making money so that its shareholders can give away their stocks as largesse.
Corporations are also helping society more than just through indirectly providing stocks for the generous; they provide new jobs and opportunities for those who are seeking employment. This increase in demand for employment allows for people in various difficult circumstances and from different backgrounds to provide for themselves and their families while helping these corporations continue building their money. Had these companies not built their money, they wouldn’t have as many chances to give people new jobs, which would in turn leave more people unemployed and in need of financial aid. Therefore, corporations are already doing a great service by building their money and allowing more people to work for them.
On the other hand however, corporations are mostly the ones making and selling the products that are in need, and people will argue that because of this corporations have a liability to give some of their products away as charity. However, by doing this, corporations will lose money, and in turn not be able to create as much of their product as possible. This drawback does not need to be considered however, because often times, charities will use the money donated to them to buy said products from these corporations to further their altruistic operations, which in turn allows for corporations to continue making their products without worrying about losing money. As a result, corporations need not sacrifice their net worth for the sake of benevolence, but rather continue to make more money in order to make and sell even more of these products that will go to the less fortunate.
In conclusion, although corporations often make the products needed to promote society’s wellbeing, they are not responsible for anything more than selling their goods and making as much money as they can, because it is through these actions that the corporations themselves indirectly help society through the actions of generous people in power. In fact, acts like these from individuals rather than corporations can potentially invigorate other more “normal” members of society to give to the common cause through their own money and efforts, creating a stronger sense of community and hope for the future.
Please let me know what you believe my score out of 6 would be for this, as the issue essays are my weaker essays of the two, along with any constructive criticism to do better next time. Thanks in advance!
Re: Issue Task - Some people believe that corporations have a re
[#permalink]
03 Apr 2023, 03:40
03 Apr 2023, 03:40
avichakladar wrote:
Prompt
My response
Please let me know what you believe my score out of 6 would be for this, as the issue essays are my weaker essays of the two, along with any constructive criticism to do better next time. Thanks in advance!
Quote:
Some people believe that corporations have a responsibility to promote the well-being of the societies and environments in which they operate. Others believe that the only responsibility of corporations, provided they operate within the law, is to make as much money as possible.
Write a response in which you discuss which view more closely aligns with your own position and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should address both of the views presented.
Write a response in which you discuss which view more closely aligns with your own position and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should address both of the views presented.
My response
Quote:
In today’s society, big corporations and companies heavily influence the lives of the majority of people on the planet via their products and services, which often generate them a prodigious affluence with which to continue growing their business. It may seem that because of all the opulence these companies have that they should try to use some of this money and influence to give back to the community; however, the corporations are not directly responsible for how society acts, but rather the people who control these organizations. Therefore, these corporations’ main responsibility should be to make as much money as possible in order to allow for external philanthropic efforts.
Investment is a major part of many people’s lives, as it allows them to grow their money over the span of some years. Most people who partake in investing for this very reason will buy stocks from corporations that they believe will grow, which will in turn increase their very own net worth. Particularly opulent and magnanimous individuals will often times liquidate the stocks they have to be donated to various charities and nonprofit organizations worldwide. One example of such a situation is Priscilla Chen and Mark Zuckerberg’s company “The Chan Zuckerberg Initiative”, which has been endowed a billion dollars of Facebook shares annually since its founding for the purpose of increasing the betterment of human living conditions and lifestyles in various areas of need. For this reason along with other various examples, the corporations indirectly funding these operations should only focus on making money so that its shareholders can give away their stocks as largesse.
Corporations are also helping society more than just through indirectly providing stocks for the generous; they provide new jobs and opportunities for those who are seeking employment. This increase in demand for employment allows for people in various difficult circumstances and from different backgrounds to provide for themselves and their families while helping these corporations continue building their money. Had these companies not built their money, they wouldn’t have as many chances to give people new jobs, which would in turn leave more people unemployed and in need of financial aid. Therefore, corporations are already doing a great service by building their money and allowing more people to work for them.
On the other hand however, corporations are mostly the ones making and selling the products that are in need, and people will argue that because of this corporations have a liability to give some of their products away as charity. However, by doing this, corporations will lose money, and in turn not be able to create as much of their product as possible. This drawback does not need to be considered however, because often times, charities will use the money donated to them to buy said products from these corporations to further their altruistic operations, which in turn allows for corporations to continue making their products without worrying about losing money. As a result, corporations need not sacrifice their net worth for the sake of benevolence, but rather continue to make more money in order to make and sell even more of these products that will go to the less fortunate.
In conclusion, although corporations often make the products needed to promote society’s wellbeing, they are not responsible for anything more than selling their goods and making as much money as they can, because it is through these actions that the corporations themselves indirectly help society through the actions of generous people in power. In fact, acts like these from individuals rather than corporations can potentially invigorate other more “normal” members of society to give to the common cause through their own money and efforts, creating a stronger sense of community and hope for the future.
Investment is a major part of many people’s lives, as it allows them to grow their money over the span of some years. Most people who partake in investing for this very reason will buy stocks from corporations that they believe will grow, which will in turn increase their very own net worth. Particularly opulent and magnanimous individuals will often times liquidate the stocks they have to be donated to various charities and nonprofit organizations worldwide. One example of such a situation is Priscilla Chen and Mark Zuckerberg’s company “The Chan Zuckerberg Initiative”, which has been endowed a billion dollars of Facebook shares annually since its founding for the purpose of increasing the betterment of human living conditions and lifestyles in various areas of need. For this reason along with other various examples, the corporations indirectly funding these operations should only focus on making money so that its shareholders can give away their stocks as largesse.
Corporations are also helping society more than just through indirectly providing stocks for the generous; they provide new jobs and opportunities for those who are seeking employment. This increase in demand for employment allows for people in various difficult circumstances and from different backgrounds to provide for themselves and their families while helping these corporations continue building their money. Had these companies not built their money, they wouldn’t have as many chances to give people new jobs, which would in turn leave more people unemployed and in need of financial aid. Therefore, corporations are already doing a great service by building their money and allowing more people to work for them.
On the other hand however, corporations are mostly the ones making and selling the products that are in need, and people will argue that because of this corporations have a liability to give some of their products away as charity. However, by doing this, corporations will lose money, and in turn not be able to create as much of their product as possible. This drawback does not need to be considered however, because often times, charities will use the money donated to them to buy said products from these corporations to further their altruistic operations, which in turn allows for corporations to continue making their products without worrying about losing money. As a result, corporations need not sacrifice their net worth for the sake of benevolence, but rather continue to make more money in order to make and sell even more of these products that will go to the less fortunate.
In conclusion, although corporations often make the products needed to promote society’s wellbeing, they are not responsible for anything more than selling their goods and making as much money as they can, because it is through these actions that the corporations themselves indirectly help society through the actions of generous people in power. In fact, acts like these from individuals rather than corporations can potentially invigorate other more “normal” members of society to give to the common cause through their own money and efforts, creating a stronger sense of community and hope for the future.
Please let me know what you believe my score out of 6 would be for this, as the issue essays are my weaker essays of the two, along with any constructive criticism to do better next time. Thanks in advance!
It has been said that our responsibilities are ours. These(societies and environments) are the main parts of life of human beings. I believe it is the corporation's responsibility to undertake the well-being of society and environment. Human and vegetation are an important part of society and environment. If people are secure and green-vegetation is preserved it would lead a prosperous life to the upcoming generation. I totally agree, either private or public associations should come forward to participate to build the new future of the human community.
Firstly, humans are dependent on society to full-fill their needs. There are numerous sectors where people work. Both society and nature are the one where humans feel safe and protected. For instance, there are thousands of people working in private technologies assisting and promoting them, so this should be the fundamental rights of employees to be taken care of by these corporations. Only 45 to 50% employees working in high paying IT sectors are more secure than employees working in small institutions. However, it also depends on each individual whether they contribute back to society or are only greedy about earning from private companies.
Secondly, the environment is also one of the major dependencies of human beings. It has been degraded rapidly by us. Conservation and protection department should be involved and contribute to the future of society. For example, urban areas are developed but parents and their children lack amusing areas such as parks, gym, gardens and kids playing instruments. These also play a major role to increase the people's attention towards the conservation of environments. Furthermore, we have known that society is part of our life which cannot be completed without taking responsibility for it.
To conclude, human life is more crucial to address the well-being of society and environment but it does not mean that we should avoid the society laws. Corporations should not only suggest people to follow the regulations and earn without taking care of society and environments. Thus, a stable society has a better future.
Re: Issue Task - Some people believe that corporations have a re
[#permalink]
03 Apr 2023, 04:49
03 Apr 2023, 04:49
Expert Reply
Statistics
1. You have written 622 words.
2. I count a total of 5 paragraphs.
3. You have written 18 sentences.
4. Your average sentence length is 34.56.
5. You have written 0 question.
6. You have used 0 first-person pronoun (I, me, my, mine).
Writing quality: 73%
Cohesion:
You have transition words and cohesion devices in your essay to help your reader understand the relationship between your ideas. Add more transition words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of transitions that you can use are as follows: along the same lines, because of this, as an example, as an illustration, take the case of, to illustrate, as a matter of fact, there is no question that, without a doubt. Your score for this feature = 60/100
Dynamism:
Your writing style is dynamic. You write a combination of short sentences and long sentences. That's very good. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Provocativeness:
Your essay contains just a few words that will provoke an emotional reaction in your reader. Provocative words help to engage and sustain your reader's attention. Add more to increase your score. Here are some examples of words that provoke an emotional reaction in readers: awe-inspiring, brutal, children, danger, explode, fear, gorgeous, hoax, invasion... Your score for this feature = 60/100
Cliches:
I did not detect any cliches in your writing. No penalty was applied.
Exclamation marks:
I did not detect any exclamation marks in your writing. No penalty was applied.
Essay structure and content: 42%
Paragraph 1 - introduction: 83%
Title:
I could not detect any word with four letters or more in your title that was not capitalized. This tells me that you have capitalized your title correctly. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Opening:
In today’s society, big corporations and companies heavily influence the lives of the majority of people on the planet via their products and services, which often generate them a prodigious affluence with which to continue growing their business.
I noticed that you started your essay with a surprising statistic to engage the reader's attention. That's good. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Context:
I checked your introduction for words and phrases that writers use to establish the importance of their topic. I was unable to find any matches. Establish the importance of your topic with one of these phrases: a vital factor in, the leading cause of, widely considered to be, set to become, undergoing a revolution, is responsible for. There are others. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Thesis:
Therefore, these corporations’ main responsibility should be to make as much money as possible in order to allow for external philanthropic efforts.
The last sentence uses provocative words that will make an impact on your reader. That's good. Remember that a good thesis statement should express a debatable claim that you can support with evidence and reasons. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Paragraph 2 - supporting argument: 25%
Topic sentence:
Investment is a major part of many people’s lives, as it allows them to grow their money over the span of some years.
The first sentence of your first body paragraph makes no claim. You can improve your score by making a strong claim in the first sentence of each body paragraph that you can elaborate on with the rest of the paragraph. Here is an example of a topic sentence that makes a strong claim: We need to tax processed food with added sugar to reduce the harm it is causing. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Argue:
You have used multiple words commonly used in argumentation. That's excellent. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Evidence:
You have not used any words commonly used used when giving evidence. That's NOT good. Use one or two more words and phrases for giving evidence to get a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: according to, to quote from, tells us that, shows us that, referring to, argues that, stated, wrote, argued, discussed, expressed the concern that. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Support:
You have not used any words commonly used for providing support. Use one or two more support words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: a case in point, an analogy, another way, as an example, as an illustration, consider, put another way. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Paragraph 3 - supporting argument: 30%
Topic sentence:
Corporations are also helping society more than just through indirectly providing stocks for the generous; they provide new jobs and opportunities for those who are seeking employment.
The first sentence of your first body paragraph makes a very weak claim. You can improve your score by making a strong claim in the first sentence of each body paragraph that you can elaborate on with the rest of the paragraph. Here is an example of a topic sentence that makes a strong claim: We need to tax processed food with added sugar to reduce the harm it is causing. Your score for this feature = 60/100
Argue:
You have used a word commonly used in argumentation. That's a good start. However, try to use one or two more argumentation words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: by analogy, we can conclude, evidence, fact, fallacy, implication, follows that, it makes sense, opinion, point of view, posit, premise, proof, statistic, reason, relevance. Your score for this feature = 60/100
Evidence:
You have not used any words commonly used used when giving evidence. That's NOT good. Use one or two more words and phrases for giving evidence to get a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: according to, to quote from, tells us that, shows us that, referring to, argues that, stated, wrote, argued, discussed, expressed the concern that. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Support:
You have not used any words commonly used for providing support. Use one or two more support words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: a case in point, an analogy, another way, as an example, as an illustration, consider, put another way. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Paragraph 4 - supporting argument: 40%
Topic sentence:
On the other hand however, corporations are mostly the ones making and selling the products that are in need, and people will argue that because of this corporations have a liability to give some of their products away as charity.
The first sentence of this paragraph contains words that will have an impact on your reader. That's good.
Nevertheless, remember this advice: an effective topic sentence in an argument essay should make a debatable claim that the rest of the paragraph will elaborate on with reasons and examples. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Argue:
You have used a word commonly used in argumentation. That's a good start. However, try to use one or two more argumentation words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: by analogy, we can conclude, evidence, fact, fallacy, implication, follows that, it makes sense, opinion, point of view, posit, premise, proof, statistic, reason, relevance. Your score for this feature = 60/100
Evidence:
You have not used any words commonly used used when giving evidence. That's NOT good. Use one or two more words and phrases for giving evidence to get a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: according to, to quote from, tells us that, shows us that, referring to, argues that, stated, wrote, argued, discussed, expressed the concern that. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Support:
You have not used any words commonly used for providing support. Use one or two more support words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: a case in point, an analogy, another way, as an example, as an illustration, consider, put another way. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Paragraph 5 - conclusion: 23%
Reformulation of the thesis:
In conclusion, although corporations often make the products needed to promote society’s wellbeing, they are not responsible for anything more than selling their goods and making as much money as they can, because it is through these actions that the corporations themselves indirectly help society through the actions of generous people in power.
Your reformulated thesis in your conclusion is 17% the same as your thesis statement in your introduction. That's good. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Recommendation:
The paragraph contains suggestion words like
No recommendation? I checked your conclusion for advice words to see if you had recommended a course of action to your reader. I was unable to detect any of these words and their conjugations: should, must, have to, has to, ought to, recommend, propose, encourage. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Prediction:
No prediction? I checked your conclusion for prediction words to see if you had made a prediction. I was unable to detect any of these words: will, would, going to, likely to. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Vocabulary: 93%
Argument-related words: because, believe, conclusion, fact, reason, since, so, therefore
Feedback: You have used a variety of words related to argumentation. That's good. Your score for this feature = 80/100
Vocabulary profile:
Feedback: 61% of your essay comprises the most common 1000 words in the language. You possess a very large vocabulary and excellent academic potential. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Academic vocabulary profile: area, create, financial, individual, major, majority, community, conclusion, focus, invest, investment, normal, seek, circumstance, corporation, fund, job, promote, external, generate, initiative, aid, founding
Feedback: 23% of your essay comprises words from the academic word list. You possess a very large academic vocabulary and suggests excellent academic potential. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Language Accuracy: 70%
Number of errors: 6
Feedback: I detected a significant number of errors in your writing. Do your best to eliminate any avoidable errors in your writing by rereading your essay carefully and by using a spell checker and grammar checker. Your score for this feature = 70/100
Grammar Check Feedback
You wrote: ... who partake in investing for this very reason will buy stocks from corporations that ...
Feedback: You have a problem with your verb agreement. The pronoun "this" must be used with a third-person verb: "reasons". (VA201)
Suggestion: reasons
You wrote: ...that they believe will grow, which will in turn increase their very own net worth. Part...
Feedback: Surround your interuption with commas. "will, in turn, increase their ".
Suggestion: will, in turn, increase their
You wrote: ... and magnanimous individuals will often times liquidate the stocks they have to be do...
Feedback: Use the infinitive form (time) with a modal auxiliary (will). Did you mean "will often time" or "will often have timed"?
Suggestion: will often time, will often have timed
You wrote: ...es to give people new jobs, which would in turn leave more people unemployed and in nee...
Feedback: Surround your interuption with commas. "would, in turn, leave more ".
Suggestion: would, in turn, leave more
You wrote: ... allowing more people to work for them. On the other hand however, corporations are mostly the ones makin...
Feedback: Put a comma after the introductory phrase "On the other hand".
Suggestion: On the other hand
You wrote: ...he products needed to promote society’s wellbeing, they are not responsible for anything ...
Feedback: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: well being
1. You have written 622 words.
2. I count a total of 5 paragraphs.
3. You have written 18 sentences.
4. Your average sentence length is 34.56.
5. You have written 0 question.
6. You have used 0 first-person pronoun (I, me, my, mine).
Writing quality: 73%
Cohesion:
You have transition words and cohesion devices in your essay to help your reader understand the relationship between your ideas. Add more transition words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of transitions that you can use are as follows: along the same lines, because of this, as an example, as an illustration, take the case of, to illustrate, as a matter of fact, there is no question that, without a doubt. Your score for this feature = 60/100
Dynamism:
Your writing style is dynamic. You write a combination of short sentences and long sentences. That's very good. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Provocativeness:
Your essay contains just a few words that will provoke an emotional reaction in your reader. Provocative words help to engage and sustain your reader's attention. Add more to increase your score. Here are some examples of words that provoke an emotional reaction in readers: awe-inspiring, brutal, children, danger, explode, fear, gorgeous, hoax, invasion... Your score for this feature = 60/100
Cliches:
I did not detect any cliches in your writing. No penalty was applied.
Exclamation marks:
I did not detect any exclamation marks in your writing. No penalty was applied.
Essay structure and content: 42%
Paragraph 1 - introduction: 83%
Title:
I could not detect any word with four letters or more in your title that was not capitalized. This tells me that you have capitalized your title correctly. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Opening:
In today’s society, big corporations and companies heavily influence the lives of the majority of people on the planet via their products and services, which often generate them a prodigious affluence with which to continue growing their business.
I noticed that you started your essay with a surprising statistic to engage the reader's attention. That's good. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Context:
I checked your introduction for words and phrases that writers use to establish the importance of their topic. I was unable to find any matches. Establish the importance of your topic with one of these phrases: a vital factor in, the leading cause of, widely considered to be, set to become, undergoing a revolution, is responsible for. There are others. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Thesis:
Therefore, these corporations’ main responsibility should be to make as much money as possible in order to allow for external philanthropic efforts.
The last sentence uses provocative words that will make an impact on your reader. That's good. Remember that a good thesis statement should express a debatable claim that you can support with evidence and reasons. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Paragraph 2 - supporting argument: 25%
Topic sentence:
Investment is a major part of many people’s lives, as it allows them to grow their money over the span of some years.
The first sentence of your first body paragraph makes no claim. You can improve your score by making a strong claim in the first sentence of each body paragraph that you can elaborate on with the rest of the paragraph. Here is an example of a topic sentence that makes a strong claim: We need to tax processed food with added sugar to reduce the harm it is causing. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Argue:
You have used multiple words commonly used in argumentation. That's excellent. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Evidence:
You have not used any words commonly used used when giving evidence. That's NOT good. Use one or two more words and phrases for giving evidence to get a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: according to, to quote from, tells us that, shows us that, referring to, argues that, stated, wrote, argued, discussed, expressed the concern that. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Support:
You have not used any words commonly used for providing support. Use one or two more support words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: a case in point, an analogy, another way, as an example, as an illustration, consider, put another way. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Paragraph 3 - supporting argument: 30%
Topic sentence:
Corporations are also helping society more than just through indirectly providing stocks for the generous; they provide new jobs and opportunities for those who are seeking employment.
The first sentence of your first body paragraph makes a very weak claim. You can improve your score by making a strong claim in the first sentence of each body paragraph that you can elaborate on with the rest of the paragraph. Here is an example of a topic sentence that makes a strong claim: We need to tax processed food with added sugar to reduce the harm it is causing. Your score for this feature = 60/100
Argue:
You have used a word commonly used in argumentation. That's a good start. However, try to use one or two more argumentation words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: by analogy, we can conclude, evidence, fact, fallacy, implication, follows that, it makes sense, opinion, point of view, posit, premise, proof, statistic, reason, relevance. Your score for this feature = 60/100
Evidence:
You have not used any words commonly used used when giving evidence. That's NOT good. Use one or two more words and phrases for giving evidence to get a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: according to, to quote from, tells us that, shows us that, referring to, argues that, stated, wrote, argued, discussed, expressed the concern that. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Support:
You have not used any words commonly used for providing support. Use one or two more support words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: a case in point, an analogy, another way, as an example, as an illustration, consider, put another way. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Paragraph 4 - supporting argument: 40%
Topic sentence:
On the other hand however, corporations are mostly the ones making and selling the products that are in need, and people will argue that because of this corporations have a liability to give some of their products away as charity.
The first sentence of this paragraph contains words that will have an impact on your reader. That's good.
Nevertheless, remember this advice: an effective topic sentence in an argument essay should make a debatable claim that the rest of the paragraph will elaborate on with reasons and examples. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Argue:
You have used a word commonly used in argumentation. That's a good start. However, try to use one or two more argumentation words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: by analogy, we can conclude, evidence, fact, fallacy, implication, follows that, it makes sense, opinion, point of view, posit, premise, proof, statistic, reason, relevance. Your score for this feature = 60/100
Evidence:
You have not used any words commonly used used when giving evidence. That's NOT good. Use one or two more words and phrases for giving evidence to get a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: according to, to quote from, tells us that, shows us that, referring to, argues that, stated, wrote, argued, discussed, expressed the concern that. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Support:
You have not used any words commonly used for providing support. Use one or two more support words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: a case in point, an analogy, another way, as an example, as an illustration, consider, put another way. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Paragraph 5 - conclusion: 23%
Reformulation of the thesis:
In conclusion, although corporations often make the products needed to promote society’s wellbeing, they are not responsible for anything more than selling their goods and making as much money as they can, because it is through these actions that the corporations themselves indirectly help society through the actions of generous people in power.
Your reformulated thesis in your conclusion is 17% the same as your thesis statement in your introduction. That's good. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Recommendation:
The paragraph contains suggestion words like
No recommendation? I checked your conclusion for advice words to see if you had recommended a course of action to your reader. I was unable to detect any of these words and their conjugations: should, must, have to, has to, ought to, recommend, propose, encourage. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Prediction:
No prediction? I checked your conclusion for prediction words to see if you had made a prediction. I was unable to detect any of these words: will, would, going to, likely to. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Vocabulary: 93%
Argument-related words: because, believe, conclusion, fact, reason, since, so, therefore
Feedback: You have used a variety of words related to argumentation. That's good. Your score for this feature = 80/100
Vocabulary profile:
Feedback: 61% of your essay comprises the most common 1000 words in the language. You possess a very large vocabulary and excellent academic potential. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Academic vocabulary profile: area, create, financial, individual, major, majority, community, conclusion, focus, invest, investment, normal, seek, circumstance, corporation, fund, job, promote, external, generate, initiative, aid, founding
Feedback: 23% of your essay comprises words from the academic word list. You possess a very large academic vocabulary and suggests excellent academic potential. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Language Accuracy: 70%
Number of errors: 6
Feedback: I detected a significant number of errors in your writing. Do your best to eliminate any avoidable errors in your writing by rereading your essay carefully and by using a spell checker and grammar checker. Your score for this feature = 70/100
Grammar Check Feedback
You wrote: ... who partake in investing for this very reason will buy stocks from corporations that ...
Feedback: You have a problem with your verb agreement. The pronoun "this" must be used with a third-person verb: "reasons". (VA201)
Suggestion: reasons
You wrote: ...that they believe will grow, which will in turn increase their very own net worth. Part...
Feedback: Surround your interuption with commas. "will, in turn, increase their ".
Suggestion: will, in turn, increase their
You wrote: ... and magnanimous individuals will often times liquidate the stocks they have to be do...
Feedback: Use the infinitive form (time) with a modal auxiliary (will). Did you mean "will often time" or "will often have timed"?
Suggestion: will often time, will often have timed
You wrote: ...es to give people new jobs, which would in turn leave more people unemployed and in nee...
Feedback: Surround your interuption with commas. "would, in turn, leave more ".
Suggestion: would, in turn, leave more
You wrote: ... allowing more people to work for them. On the other hand however, corporations are mostly the ones makin...
Feedback: Put a comma after the introductory phrase "On the other hand".
Suggestion: On the other hand
You wrote: ...he products needed to promote society’s wellbeing, they are not responsible for anything ...
Feedback: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: well being
