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Re: Pls rate my AWA
[#permalink]
19 Apr 2024, 09:51
19 Apr 2024, 09:51
It is primarily through formal education that a culture tries to perpetuate the ideas it favors and discredit the ideas it fears.
A culture passes through a long generation, so it definitely changes a lot along this. It is our duty to preserve this culture. As this cultures have been modified greatly there are many chances of having negative sides to this values. So, the speaker suggests that the culture should only be continued through formal education so that it can discredit its negative effects. If questioned I would completely disagree with authors viewpoint. The various reasons and examples to elaborate my claim has been provided further.
Firstly, cultural inheritance doesn’t require formal education. They are learnt through our day to day lives. It is our responsibility to keep it intact and pass it to the further generation. In many cultures there is no formal education in which they can convey, so should these cultures die? Certainly not. Consider the example of many local languages, as these languages are not used to teach in school or colleges. So, it doesn’t mean that they should forget about their mother tongue. As a language holds a significant value for any culture.
Secondly, it is upon us whether we want to inherit the ideas which are not correct according to the society. There is no guarantee even for those who are taking formal knowledge would not inherit some wrong ideals. As cultural evolves all its negative points get eradicate automatically. For instance, in India many Hindu kings had performed polygamy. But as soon as we understood the suffering of women, we eradicated this practice. Now, there was no role of formal knowledge in it. It is us who felt not right about this culture.
Lastly, culture is the overall sum of our habits, values, understanding of the environment and many other aspects. So, it is not possible to inherit it only through education. Definitely every institute must focus on cultural values. For those whose roots exist in another nation, they cannot rely only on education for cultural habits. Consider an Indian family living in Australia. So, the children of this family will not be familiar with Indian festivals. Thus, it is the duty of the parents to make then follow this cultures.
To summarize, the role of formal knowledge must not be neglected in perpetuation of culture but it should be kept in mind that this is not the only way. Thus, I wouldn’t support authors viewpoint.
A culture passes through a long generation, so it definitely changes a lot along this. It is our duty to preserve this culture. As this cultures have been modified greatly there are many chances of having negative sides to this values. So, the speaker suggests that the culture should only be continued through formal education so that it can discredit its negative effects. If questioned I would completely disagree with authors viewpoint. The various reasons and examples to elaborate my claim has been provided further.
Firstly, cultural inheritance doesn’t require formal education. They are learnt through our day to day lives. It is our responsibility to keep it intact and pass it to the further generation. In many cultures there is no formal education in which they can convey, so should these cultures die? Certainly not. Consider the example of many local languages, as these languages are not used to teach in school or colleges. So, it doesn’t mean that they should forget about their mother tongue. As a language holds a significant value for any culture.
Secondly, it is upon us whether we want to inherit the ideas which are not correct according to the society. There is no guarantee even for those who are taking formal knowledge would not inherit some wrong ideals. As cultural evolves all its negative points get eradicate automatically. For instance, in India many Hindu kings had performed polygamy. But as soon as we understood the suffering of women, we eradicated this practice. Now, there was no role of formal knowledge in it. It is us who felt not right about this culture.
Lastly, culture is the overall sum of our habits, values, understanding of the environment and many other aspects. So, it is not possible to inherit it only through education. Definitely every institute must focus on cultural values. For those whose roots exist in another nation, they cannot rely only on education for cultural habits. Consider an Indian family living in Australia. So, the children of this family will not be familiar with Indian festivals. Thus, it is the duty of the parents to make then follow this cultures.
To summarize, the role of formal knowledge must not be neglected in perpetuation of culture but it should be kept in mind that this is not the only way. Thus, I wouldn’t support authors viewpoint.
Re: Pls rate my AWA
[#permalink]
19 Apr 2024, 14:09
19 Apr 2024, 14:09
Expert Reply
Assignment Score: 62
Statistics
1. You have written 392 words.
2. I count a total of 5 paragraphs.
3. You have written 30 sentences.
4. Your average sentence length is 13.07.
5. You have written 1 question.
6. You have used 3 first-person pronouns (I, me, my, mine).
Writing quality: 60%
Cohesion:
You have a number of transition words and cohesion devices to help your reader understand the relationship between your ideas. Add more transition words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of transitions that you can use are as follows: along the same lines, because of this, as an example, as an illustration, take the case of, to illustrate, as a matter of fact, there is no question that, without a doubt.Your score for this feature = 80/100
Dynamism:
Your writing style is not very dynamic. Increase the variance in your sentence length by writing a combination of short sentences and long sentences to increase your score. Your score for this feature = 40/100
Provocativeness:
Your essay contains just a few words that will provoke an emotional reaction in your reader. Provocative words help to engage and sustain your reader's attention. Add more to increase your score. Here are some examples of words that provoke an emotional reaction in readers: awe-inspiring, brutal, children, danger, explode, fear, gorgeous, hoax, invasion... Your score for this feature = 60/100
Cliches:
I did not detect any cliches in your writing. No penalty was applied.
Exclamation marks:
I did not detect any exclamation marks in your writing. No penalty was applied.
Essay structure and content: 60%
Paragraph 1 - introduction: 66%
Title:
I could not detect any word with four letters or more in your title that was not capitalized. This tells me that you have capitalized your title correctly. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Opening:
A culture passes through a long generation, so it definitely changes a lot along this.
I was expecting to find a question, a quote, a statistic, or an anecdote in your first sentence of your introduction. There wasn't one. Remember to use either a question, a quote, or a statistic to engage your readers attention at the beginning of your essay. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Context:
I checked your introduction for words and phrases that writers use to establish the importance of their topic. I was unable to find any matches. Establish the importance of your topic with one of these phrases: a vital factor in, the leading cause of, widely considered to be, set to become, undergoing a revolution, is responsible for. There are others. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Thesis:
The various reasons and examples to elaborate my claim has been provided further.
The last sentence uses provocative words that will make an impact on your reader. That's good. Remember that a good thesis statement should express a debatable claim that you can support with evidence and reasons. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Paragraph 2 - supporting argument: 55%
Topic sentence:
Firstly, cultural inheritance doesn’t require formal education.
The first sentence of this paragraph contains words that will have an impact on your reader. That's good.
Nevertheless, remember this advice: an effective topic sentence in an argument essay should make a debatable claim that the rest of the paragraph will elaborate on with reasons and examples. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Argue:
You have used a word commonly used in argumentation. That's a good start. However, try to use one or two more argumentation words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: by analogy, we can conclude, evidence, fact, fallacy, implication, follows that, it makes sense, opinion, point of view, posit, premise, proof, statistic, reason, relevance. Your score for this feature = 60/100
Evidence:
You have not used any words commonly used used when giving evidence. That's NOT good. Use one or two more words and phrases for giving evidence to get a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: according to, to quote from, tells us that, shows us that, referring to, argues that, stated, wrote, argued, discussed, expressed the concern that. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Support:
You have used a word commonly used when providing support. That's good. Use one or two more support words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: a case in point, an analogy, another way, as an example, as an illustration, consider, put another way. Your score for this feature = 60/100
Paragraph 3 - supporting argument: 70%
Topic sentence:
Secondly, it is upon us whether we want to inherit the ideas which are not correct according to the society.
The first sentence of this paragraph contains words that will have an impact on your reader. That's good.
Nevertheless, remember this advice: an effective topic sentence in an argument essay should make a debatable claim that the rest of the paragraph will elaborate on with reasons and examples. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Argue:
You have used a word commonly used in argumentation. That's a good start. However, try to use one or two more argumentation words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: by analogy, we can conclude, evidence, fact, fallacy, implication, follows that, it makes sense, opinion, point of view, posit, premise, proof, statistic, reason, relevance. Your score for this feature = 60/100
Evidence:
You have used a word commonly used when giving evidence. That's good. Use one or two more words and phrases for giving evidence to get a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: according to, to quote from, tells us that, shows us that, referring to, argues that, stated, wrote, argued, discussed, expressed the concern that. Your score for this feature = 60/100
Support:
You have used a word commonly used when providing support. That's good. Use one or two more support words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: a case in point, an analogy, another way, as an example, as an illustration, consider, put another way. Your score for this feature = 60/100
Paragraph 4 - supporting argument: 60%
Topic sentence:
Lastly, culture is the overall sum of our habits, values, understanding of the environment and many other aspects.
The first sentence of this paragraph contains words that will have an impact on your reader. That's good.
Nevertheless, remember this advice: an effective topic sentence in an argument essay should make a debatable claim that the rest of the paragraph will elaborate on with reasons and examples. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Argue:
You have used two words commonly used in argumentation. That's good. Use one or two more argumentation words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: by analogy, we can conclude, evidence, fact, fallacy, implication, follows that, it makes sense, opinion, point of view, posit, premise, proof, statistic, reason, relevance. Your score for this feature = 80/100
Evidence:
You have not used any words commonly used used when giving evidence. That's NOT good. Use one or two more words and phrases for giving evidence to get a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: according to, to quote from, tells us that, shows us that, referring to, argues that, stated, wrote, argued, discussed, expressed the concern that. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Support:
You have used a word commonly used when providing support. That's good. Use one or two more support words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: a case in point, an analogy, another way, as an example, as an illustration, consider, put another way. Your score for this feature = 60/100
Paragraph 5 - conclusion: 56%
Reformulation of the thesis:
To summarize, the role of formal knowledge must not be neglected in perpetuation of culture but it should be kept in mind that this is not the only way.
Your reformulated thesis in your conclusion is 0% the same as your thesis statement in your introduction. That's good. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Recommendation:
The paragraph contains suggestion words like should, must
You made a recommendation. That's good. It is a good practice in an essay of this type to recommend a course of action to your reader. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Prediction:
No prediction? I checked your conclusion for prediction words to see if you had made a prediction. I was unable to detect any of these words: will, would, going to, likely to. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Vocabulary: 93%
Argument-related words: claim, points, reasons, so, support, thus
Feedback: You have used a variety of words related to argumentation. That's good. Your score for this feature = 80/100
Vocabulary profile:
Feedback: 52% of your essay comprises the most common 1000 words in the language. You possess a very large vocabulary and excellent academic potential. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Academic vocabulary profile: environment, require, role, significant, aspect, culture, cultural, focus, institute, instance, negative, rely, overall, sum, summarize, evolve, generation, modify, author, guarantee
Feedback: 20% of your essay comprises words from the academic word list. You possess a very large academic vocabulary and suggests excellent academic potential. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Language Accuracy: 35%
Number of errors: 11
Feedback: I detected many errors in your writing. Reread your essay carefully and use a spell checker and grammar checker to help you identify and eliminate avoidable errors. Your score for this feature = 35/100
Grammar Check Feedback
You wrote: ...t is our duty to preserve this culture. As this cultures have been modified greatl...
Feedback: "As" at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Suggestion:
You wrote: ...e many chances of having negative sides to this values. So, the speaker suggests that the cult...
Feedback: You have used "this" with a plural noun. Did you mean ""?
Suggestion:
You wrote: ... it can discredit its negative effects. If questioned I would completely disagree ...
Feedback: "If" at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Suggestion:
You wrote: ...t its negative effects. If questioned I would completely disagree with authors viewpoint. The va...
Feedback: Usually in a second conditional structure, we put a past tense verb in the if-clause, and would + infinitive in the result-clause. Here you have used "would" in the if-clause. Did you mean ""?
Suggestion:
You wrote: ...tioned I would completely disagree with authors viewpoint. The various reasons and exam...
Feedback: Use an apostrophe after a plural -s to show possession. The viewpoint belong to authors, right?
Suggestion: with authors' viewpoint
You wrote: ...sn’t require formal education. They are learnt through our day to day lives. It is our...
Feedback: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: learn, learns, parent, Laurent, latent, lament, learn t
You wrote: ...ge would not inherit some wrong ideals. As cultural evolves all its negative point...
Feedback: "As" at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Suggestion:
You wrote: ...ral evolves all its negative points get eradicate automatically. For instance, in India m...
Feedback: You have a problem with your passive form with "get". Rewrite your sentence using a past participle: "get eradicated".
Suggestion: get eradicated
You wrote: ...duty of the parents to make then follow this cultures. To summarize, the role of for...
Feedback: Always use "this" with a singular noun and use "these" with a plural noun.
Suggestion: this culture, these cultures
You wrote: ...be neglected in perpetuation of culture but it should be kept in mind that this is ...
Feedback: Use a comma before "but" between two independent clauses.
Suggestion: , but
You wrote: ... the only way. Thus, I wouldn’t support authors viewpoint.
Feedback: An apostrophe seems to be missing. Use the possessive form here: "authors' viewpoint" or when its only one author, "author's viewpoint"? (Ap03)
Suggestion: authors' viewpoint, author's viewpoint
Statistics
1. You have written 392 words.
2. I count a total of 5 paragraphs.
3. You have written 30 sentences.
4. Your average sentence length is 13.07.
5. You have written 1 question.
6. You have used 3 first-person pronouns (I, me, my, mine).
Writing quality: 60%
Cohesion:
You have a number of transition words and cohesion devices to help your reader understand the relationship between your ideas. Add more transition words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of transitions that you can use are as follows: along the same lines, because of this, as an example, as an illustration, take the case of, to illustrate, as a matter of fact, there is no question that, without a doubt.Your score for this feature = 80/100
Dynamism:
Your writing style is not very dynamic. Increase the variance in your sentence length by writing a combination of short sentences and long sentences to increase your score. Your score for this feature = 40/100
Provocativeness:
Your essay contains just a few words that will provoke an emotional reaction in your reader. Provocative words help to engage and sustain your reader's attention. Add more to increase your score. Here are some examples of words that provoke an emotional reaction in readers: awe-inspiring, brutal, children, danger, explode, fear, gorgeous, hoax, invasion... Your score for this feature = 60/100
Cliches:
I did not detect any cliches in your writing. No penalty was applied.
Exclamation marks:
I did not detect any exclamation marks in your writing. No penalty was applied.
Essay structure and content: 60%
Paragraph 1 - introduction: 66%
Title:
I could not detect any word with four letters or more in your title that was not capitalized. This tells me that you have capitalized your title correctly. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Opening:
A culture passes through a long generation, so it definitely changes a lot along this.
I was expecting to find a question, a quote, a statistic, or an anecdote in your first sentence of your introduction. There wasn't one. Remember to use either a question, a quote, or a statistic to engage your readers attention at the beginning of your essay. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Context:
I checked your introduction for words and phrases that writers use to establish the importance of their topic. I was unable to find any matches. Establish the importance of your topic with one of these phrases: a vital factor in, the leading cause of, widely considered to be, set to become, undergoing a revolution, is responsible for. There are others. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Thesis:
The various reasons and examples to elaborate my claim has been provided further.
The last sentence uses provocative words that will make an impact on your reader. That's good. Remember that a good thesis statement should express a debatable claim that you can support with evidence and reasons. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Paragraph 2 - supporting argument: 55%
Topic sentence:
Firstly, cultural inheritance doesn’t require formal education.
The first sentence of this paragraph contains words that will have an impact on your reader. That's good.
Nevertheless, remember this advice: an effective topic sentence in an argument essay should make a debatable claim that the rest of the paragraph will elaborate on with reasons and examples. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Argue:
You have used a word commonly used in argumentation. That's a good start. However, try to use one or two more argumentation words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: by analogy, we can conclude, evidence, fact, fallacy, implication, follows that, it makes sense, opinion, point of view, posit, premise, proof, statistic, reason, relevance. Your score for this feature = 60/100
Evidence:
You have not used any words commonly used used when giving evidence. That's NOT good. Use one or two more words and phrases for giving evidence to get a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: according to, to quote from, tells us that, shows us that, referring to, argues that, stated, wrote, argued, discussed, expressed the concern that. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Support:
You have used a word commonly used when providing support. That's good. Use one or two more support words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: a case in point, an analogy, another way, as an example, as an illustration, consider, put another way. Your score for this feature = 60/100
Paragraph 3 - supporting argument: 70%
Topic sentence:
Secondly, it is upon us whether we want to inherit the ideas which are not correct according to the society.
The first sentence of this paragraph contains words that will have an impact on your reader. That's good.
Nevertheless, remember this advice: an effective topic sentence in an argument essay should make a debatable claim that the rest of the paragraph will elaborate on with reasons and examples. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Argue:
You have used a word commonly used in argumentation. That's a good start. However, try to use one or two more argumentation words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: by analogy, we can conclude, evidence, fact, fallacy, implication, follows that, it makes sense, opinion, point of view, posit, premise, proof, statistic, reason, relevance. Your score for this feature = 60/100
Evidence:
You have used a word commonly used when giving evidence. That's good. Use one or two more words and phrases for giving evidence to get a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: according to, to quote from, tells us that, shows us that, referring to, argues that, stated, wrote, argued, discussed, expressed the concern that. Your score for this feature = 60/100
Support:
You have used a word commonly used when providing support. That's good. Use one or two more support words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: a case in point, an analogy, another way, as an example, as an illustration, consider, put another way. Your score for this feature = 60/100
Paragraph 4 - supporting argument: 60%
Topic sentence:
Lastly, culture is the overall sum of our habits, values, understanding of the environment and many other aspects.
The first sentence of this paragraph contains words that will have an impact on your reader. That's good.
Nevertheless, remember this advice: an effective topic sentence in an argument essay should make a debatable claim that the rest of the paragraph will elaborate on with reasons and examples. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Argue:
You have used two words commonly used in argumentation. That's good. Use one or two more argumentation words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: by analogy, we can conclude, evidence, fact, fallacy, implication, follows that, it makes sense, opinion, point of view, posit, premise, proof, statistic, reason, relevance. Your score for this feature = 80/100
Evidence:
You have not used any words commonly used used when giving evidence. That's NOT good. Use one or two more words and phrases for giving evidence to get a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: according to, to quote from, tells us that, shows us that, referring to, argues that, stated, wrote, argued, discussed, expressed the concern that. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Support:
You have used a word commonly used when providing support. That's good. Use one or two more support words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: a case in point, an analogy, another way, as an example, as an illustration, consider, put another way. Your score for this feature = 60/100
Paragraph 5 - conclusion: 56%
Reformulation of the thesis:
To summarize, the role of formal knowledge must not be neglected in perpetuation of culture but it should be kept in mind that this is not the only way.
Your reformulated thesis in your conclusion is 0% the same as your thesis statement in your introduction. That's good. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Recommendation:
The paragraph contains suggestion words like should, must
You made a recommendation. That's good. It is a good practice in an essay of this type to recommend a course of action to your reader. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Prediction:
No prediction? I checked your conclusion for prediction words to see if you had made a prediction. I was unable to detect any of these words: will, would, going to, likely to. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Vocabulary: 93%
Argument-related words: claim, points, reasons, so, support, thus
Feedback: You have used a variety of words related to argumentation. That's good. Your score for this feature = 80/100
Vocabulary profile:
Feedback: 52% of your essay comprises the most common 1000 words in the language. You possess a very large vocabulary and excellent academic potential. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Academic vocabulary profile: environment, require, role, significant, aspect, culture, cultural, focus, institute, instance, negative, rely, overall, sum, summarize, evolve, generation, modify, author, guarantee
Feedback: 20% of your essay comprises words from the academic word list. You possess a very large academic vocabulary and suggests excellent academic potential. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Language Accuracy: 35%
Number of errors: 11
Feedback: I detected many errors in your writing. Reread your essay carefully and use a spell checker and grammar checker to help you identify and eliminate avoidable errors. Your score for this feature = 35/100
Grammar Check Feedback
You wrote: ...t is our duty to preserve this culture. As this cultures have been modified greatl...
Feedback: "As" at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Suggestion:
You wrote: ...e many chances of having negative sides to this values. So, the speaker suggests that the cult...
Feedback: You have used "this" with a plural noun. Did you mean ""?
Suggestion:
You wrote: ... it can discredit its negative effects. If questioned I would completely disagree ...
Feedback: "If" at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Suggestion:
You wrote: ...t its negative effects. If questioned I would completely disagree with authors viewpoint. The va...
Feedback: Usually in a second conditional structure, we put a past tense verb in the if-clause, and would + infinitive in the result-clause. Here you have used "would" in the if-clause. Did you mean ""?
Suggestion:
You wrote: ...tioned I would completely disagree with authors viewpoint. The various reasons and exam...
Feedback: Use an apostrophe after a plural -s to show possession. The viewpoint belong to authors, right?
Suggestion: with authors' viewpoint
You wrote: ...sn’t require formal education. They are learnt through our day to day lives. It is our...
Feedback: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: learn, learns, parent, Laurent, latent, lament, learn t
You wrote: ...ge would not inherit some wrong ideals. As cultural evolves all its negative point...
Feedback: "As" at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Suggestion:
You wrote: ...ral evolves all its negative points get eradicate automatically. For instance, in India m...
Feedback: You have a problem with your passive form with "get". Rewrite your sentence using a past participle: "get eradicated".
Suggestion: get eradicated
You wrote: ...duty of the parents to make then follow this cultures. To summarize, the role of for...
Feedback: Always use "this" with a singular noun and use "these" with a plural noun.
Suggestion: this culture, these cultures
You wrote: ...be neglected in perpetuation of culture but it should be kept in mind that this is ...
Feedback: Use a comma before "but" between two independent clauses.
Suggestion: , but
You wrote: ... the only way. Thus, I wouldn’t support authors viewpoint.
Feedback: An apostrophe seems to be missing. Use the possessive form here: "authors' viewpoint" or when its only one author, "author's viewpoint"? (Ap03)
Suggestion: authors' viewpoint, author's viewpoint
Re: Pls rate my AWA
[#permalink]
19 Apr 2024, 14:11
19 Apr 2024, 14:11
Expert Reply
In my view the writing is good but you need to expand it more.
See here the AWA guide how many words you need on average for a good essay
https://gre.myprepclub.com/forum/shorte ... -3426.html
around 600 even though this is not a hard rule
See here the AWA guide how many words you need on average for a good essay
https://gre.myprepclub.com/forum/shorte ... -3426.html
around 600 even though this is not a hard rule
