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Could someone please help me evaluate my AWAs
[#permalink]
10 Nov 2019, 06:05
10 Nov 2019, 06:05
The following Issue and Argument prompted while taking Manhattan Mock test. Could you please help me in evaluating these.
Issue Prompt: People who make decisions based on emotion and justify those decisions with logic afterwards are poor decision makers.
Essay:
The issue here is that people who make decisions based on the emotion and later justify those decision with logical explanations are poor decision makers.
In my opinion, the decisions taken emotionally in the first place may not be rational enough in the given circumstances. For ex: in a private firm if the higher officer has a friend working for him in the company and unfortunately the friend is not able to deliver performances up to the mark which is making company to loose it's stokes.
Then in this case, thinking about the reputation of company, the owner must take rational decision rather the just being emotional to replace his friend with someone who can perform the task more efficiently or else continue bearing the losses. The decisions taken emotionally can sometimes take the decision takers in such a situation where there is not turn back from there as stated in the above example, irrespective of any logical explanations provided later.
Moreover, in certain scenarios the decisions taken emotionally can have very adverse effects. In context of national security or anything else which keeps the nation integrity and security at the highest priority, the decisions taken emotionally can posses a great threat to the security and integrity of the nation itself. And these dangerous results can never be undone with any kind of justifications and explanations later on. Instead, the decisions must be taken logically thinking all the pros and cons and various other aspects and how it can affect others rather than just being emotional and taking an undesired decision which later on requires unnecessary logical explanations.
However, in certain circumstances we do have to taken decisions based on emotions rather than the logic. For example, in terms of taking decisions regarding family issues, one always keeps emotions in first place rather than the logic and that is because of the emotional attachments with the family members and nobody wants to hurt their sentiments even if they have to bear some problems later on because of their emotional decisions.
So, to conclude, i think the person who takes decisions based on the logic is a good decision maker in comparison to the one who takes decision emotionally. All the greats who have lived in this world have always taken rational decisions which took them to the greater heights instead of being carried out by emotions and making irrational decisions.
Argument prompt: An international development organization, in response to a vitamin A deficiency among people in the impoverished nation of Tagus, has engineered a new breed of millet high in vitamin A. While seeds for this new type of millet cost more, farmers will be paid subsidies for farming the new variety of millet. Since millet is already a staple food in Tagus, people will readily adopt the new variety. To combat vitamin A deficiency, the government of Tagus should do everything it can to promote this new type of millet.
Essay:
The author in the passage in concluding that to combat vitamin A deficiency, the Tagus government should do everything it can to promote the new type of millet. The author author has provided various reasons to strengthen this conclusion. An international development organization has engineered a new breed of millet high in vitamin A in response to the impoverished nation of Tagus. Though seeds of this new type costs more, the government will provide subsidies for farming this new type of millet. Moreover author has also stated that since millet is already staple food in Tagus, people will readily adopt this new variety. The argument of the author has various flaws and faulty assumptions as listed in the below paragraphs.
Firstly, the author has stated that the new millet is high in vitamin A content but has not provided any information about how much. He has not provided any information about the exact content on vitamin A in new variety of millet in comparison to the existing one and instead used a vague term "more". There is a possibility that contents of vitamin A is slightly more in the new millet as compared to the existing one, which will make the entire program a waste of money as well as other resources. The argument would have strengthened if the author would have provided exact amount of vitamin A in new millet with high vitamin A which would have made government to look in this prospect with more interest.
Secondly, the author again used the vague term more in terms of the cost of the new millet. The cost can be quite high in comparison of the existing millet which will make it difficult for the farmers for initial investments in this new millet type. The argument could have been stronger if the author would have provided concrete information about how higher the costs are compared to the existing millet and how much subsidies the farmers would be getting. This would have made farmers to look in this project with more interest.
Lastly, the author's argument is based on an assumption that since the millet is already staple food in Tagus, the people will readily adopt the new variety. But, what if the people don't do so. What if the taste of this new millet is very bad that people doesn't like it. There can be numerous other possibilities regarding this assumption. The argument could have been more strong if author would have provided exact reasons as why would people will readily adopt to new millet variety.
Hence, the author's argument is based on incomplete information and arguments for which there are no evidences stated which will make it difficult for government to invest everything they can in this new millet variety. However if author could supply information regarding all the points discussed above, the argument could be strengthened and government would be forced to look into this and to take appropriate actions.
Thanks & Regards,
Sandeep
Issue Prompt: People who make decisions based on emotion and justify those decisions with logic afterwards are poor decision makers.
Essay:
The issue here is that people who make decisions based on the emotion and later justify those decision with logical explanations are poor decision makers.
In my opinion, the decisions taken emotionally in the first place may not be rational enough in the given circumstances. For ex: in a private firm if the higher officer has a friend working for him in the company and unfortunately the friend is not able to deliver performances up to the mark which is making company to loose it's stokes.
Then in this case, thinking about the reputation of company, the owner must take rational decision rather the just being emotional to replace his friend with someone who can perform the task more efficiently or else continue bearing the losses. The decisions taken emotionally can sometimes take the decision takers in such a situation where there is not turn back from there as stated in the above example, irrespective of any logical explanations provided later.
Moreover, in certain scenarios the decisions taken emotionally can have very adverse effects. In context of national security or anything else which keeps the nation integrity and security at the highest priority, the decisions taken emotionally can posses a great threat to the security and integrity of the nation itself. And these dangerous results can never be undone with any kind of justifications and explanations later on. Instead, the decisions must be taken logically thinking all the pros and cons and various other aspects and how it can affect others rather than just being emotional and taking an undesired decision which later on requires unnecessary logical explanations.
However, in certain circumstances we do have to taken decisions based on emotions rather than the logic. For example, in terms of taking decisions regarding family issues, one always keeps emotions in first place rather than the logic and that is because of the emotional attachments with the family members and nobody wants to hurt their sentiments even if they have to bear some problems later on because of their emotional decisions.
So, to conclude, i think the person who takes decisions based on the logic is a good decision maker in comparison to the one who takes decision emotionally. All the greats who have lived in this world have always taken rational decisions which took them to the greater heights instead of being carried out by emotions and making irrational decisions.
Argument prompt: An international development organization, in response to a vitamin A deficiency among people in the impoverished nation of Tagus, has engineered a new breed of millet high in vitamin A. While seeds for this new type of millet cost more, farmers will be paid subsidies for farming the new variety of millet. Since millet is already a staple food in Tagus, people will readily adopt the new variety. To combat vitamin A deficiency, the government of Tagus should do everything it can to promote this new type of millet.
Essay:
The author in the passage in concluding that to combat vitamin A deficiency, the Tagus government should do everything it can to promote the new type of millet. The author author has provided various reasons to strengthen this conclusion. An international development organization has engineered a new breed of millet high in vitamin A in response to the impoverished nation of Tagus. Though seeds of this new type costs more, the government will provide subsidies for farming this new type of millet. Moreover author has also stated that since millet is already staple food in Tagus, people will readily adopt this new variety. The argument of the author has various flaws and faulty assumptions as listed in the below paragraphs.
Firstly, the author has stated that the new millet is high in vitamin A content but has not provided any information about how much. He has not provided any information about the exact content on vitamin A in new variety of millet in comparison to the existing one and instead used a vague term "more". There is a possibility that contents of vitamin A is slightly more in the new millet as compared to the existing one, which will make the entire program a waste of money as well as other resources. The argument would have strengthened if the author would have provided exact amount of vitamin A in new millet with high vitamin A which would have made government to look in this prospect with more interest.
Secondly, the author again used the vague term more in terms of the cost of the new millet. The cost can be quite high in comparison of the existing millet which will make it difficult for the farmers for initial investments in this new millet type. The argument could have been stronger if the author would have provided concrete information about how higher the costs are compared to the existing millet and how much subsidies the farmers would be getting. This would have made farmers to look in this project with more interest.
Lastly, the author's argument is based on an assumption that since the millet is already staple food in Tagus, the people will readily adopt the new variety. But, what if the people don't do so. What if the taste of this new millet is very bad that people doesn't like it. There can be numerous other possibilities regarding this assumption. The argument could have been more strong if author would have provided exact reasons as why would people will readily adopt to new millet variety.
Hence, the author's argument is based on incomplete information and arguments for which there are no evidences stated which will make it difficult for government to invest everything they can in this new millet variety. However if author could supply information regarding all the points discussed above, the argument could be strengthened and government would be forced to look into this and to take appropriate actions.
Thanks & Regards,
Sandeep
Re: Could someone please help me evaluate my AWAs
[#permalink]
11 Nov 2019, 16:11
11 Nov 2019, 16:11
1
Hello! I'm studying for my GRE, so I'm no expert but hopefully you can gain some insight into writing thought my comments. First of all, great attempts. I think you're on track to a decent essay and it does sound like you have an active voice in your writing which elicits higher GRE scores. I have included a link to Greenlight Test Prep in which there are nine free videos you can watch to better understand how to approach the Analytical Writing Component.
https://www.greenlighttestprep.com/modu ... al-writing
Issue:
Right now how this reads to me is a split up and a bit disjointed. The first sentence "the issue here is..." could be removed, or integrated into a clear, introductory paragraph by way of "the assumptions made by the claim are that people who make decisions based on the emotion and later justify those decisions with logical explanations are poor decision makers. I agree with this to the extent that decisions taken emotionally in the first place may not be rational enough in the given circumstances." After that, state the points you would like to make in your essay, and end the intro paragraph.
You've put transition words at the beginning of paragraphs, which is good! Definitely keep that up, and maybe look up other transition words like "firstly, secondly," or whatever else to have in your repertoire on test day.
For your concluding paragraph, you don't need to say "so, to conclude." Just say, "to conclude." Also stay away from colloquial language such as "all the greats." For me it reads a little weak, and you didn't mention any of the greats previously in your essay. The concluding paragraph should be a brief summary of your points already made, so nothing else should be alluded to in this paragraph. If you were to discuss a great leader in your opinion earlier in your essay, and give an example of how they are great given your thesis, then it would be appropriate to put it in.
Avoid shortening words. In your second paragraph, you start a sentence with "For ex:" spell it out so you can get the points you deserve with effective writing. "For example," would have been appropriate.
Arguement:
Great work! You have clearly developed ideas, great transition words, and a great flow to this essay.
One sentence I would revise in your second paragraph is "...which will make the entire program a waste of money as well as other resources." This is a little bit absolute and is a style of writing that is really what we are criticising in the argument. To have an active voice and get this point across, maybe try something along the lines of "which could result in a large waste of money as well as other resources." As well, you put your suggestion for improving the argument at the end of the paragraph, rather than the beginning. I think it might read better if you did something like this:
"Firstly, the author has stated that the new millet is high in vitamin A content but has not provided any information about how much. The argument would have been strengthened if the author provided the exact amount of vitamin A in new millet in comparison to the Vitamin A levels in the existing millet, as this would quantify the vitamin A levels rather than stating vaguely the new millet has "more". This could have made government look into this prospect with more interest, as there is a possibility that contents of vitamin A is slightly more in the new millet as compared to the existing one, which could result in a large waste of money as well as other resources."
Anyway, I hope my feedback helps! Keep going, you'll do great!
https://www.greenlighttestprep.com/modu ... al-writing
Issue:
Right now how this reads to me is a split up and a bit disjointed. The first sentence "the issue here is..." could be removed, or integrated into a clear, introductory paragraph by way of "the assumptions made by the claim are that people who make decisions based on the emotion and later justify those decisions with logical explanations are poor decision makers. I agree with this to the extent that decisions taken emotionally in the first place may not be rational enough in the given circumstances." After that, state the points you would like to make in your essay, and end the intro paragraph.
You've put transition words at the beginning of paragraphs, which is good! Definitely keep that up, and maybe look up other transition words like "firstly, secondly," or whatever else to have in your repertoire on test day.
For your concluding paragraph, you don't need to say "so, to conclude." Just say, "to conclude." Also stay away from colloquial language such as "all the greats." For me it reads a little weak, and you didn't mention any of the greats previously in your essay. The concluding paragraph should be a brief summary of your points already made, so nothing else should be alluded to in this paragraph. If you were to discuss a great leader in your opinion earlier in your essay, and give an example of how they are great given your thesis, then it would be appropriate to put it in.
Avoid shortening words. In your second paragraph, you start a sentence with "For ex:" spell it out so you can get the points you deserve with effective writing. "For example," would have been appropriate.
Arguement:
Great work! You have clearly developed ideas, great transition words, and a great flow to this essay.
One sentence I would revise in your second paragraph is "...which will make the entire program a waste of money as well as other resources." This is a little bit absolute and is a style of writing that is really what we are criticising in the argument. To have an active voice and get this point across, maybe try something along the lines of "which could result in a large waste of money as well as other resources." As well, you put your suggestion for improving the argument at the end of the paragraph, rather than the beginning. I think it might read better if you did something like this:
"Firstly, the author has stated that the new millet is high in vitamin A content but has not provided any information about how much. The argument would have been strengthened if the author provided the exact amount of vitamin A in new millet in comparison to the Vitamin A levels in the existing millet, as this would quantify the vitamin A levels rather than stating vaguely the new millet has "more". This could have made government look into this prospect with more interest, as there is a possibility that contents of vitamin A is slightly more in the new millet as compared to the existing one, which could result in a large waste of money as well as other resources."
Anyway, I hope my feedback helps! Keep going, you'll do great!
Re: Could someone please help me evaluate my AWAs
[#permalink]
11 Nov 2019, 16:47
11 Nov 2019, 16:47
[
Hi, @kbolton89
Thank you so much for taking out time and mentioning the points in detail which are not up to the mark. I will take care of that going forward.
And greenlight prep videos are indeed quite good, i have already gone through those videos. Anyways, thank you for sharing the link and all the very best for your preparation.
Hi, @kbolton89
Thank you so much for taking out time and mentioning the points in detail which are not up to the mark. I will take care of that going forward.
And greenlight prep videos are indeed quite good, i have already gone through those videos. Anyways, thank you for sharing the link and all the very best for your preparation.
