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Argument Task- Monroe Jazz Club Loan Application
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17 Feb 2021, 11:21
17 Feb 2021, 11:21
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Quote:
The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
Response
The author of this passage wishes to request a small-business loan for a purposed new jazz club in the city of Monroe. The author presented some evidence that the jazz club in Monroe may prove to be profitable, but the author has either not performed adequate research on this topic or has not conveyed sufficient evidence to warrant the risk associated with the request for a loan. There are also multiple unstated assumptions and lack of detail on some of the evidence that is stated. I will present the said insufficient areas of evidence and what would be needed in order to validate them.
The author stated that over 100,000 people attended Monroe’s annual jazz festival last summer. This assumes many things about the demographics of the attendees. Firstly, that the attendees are from the Monroe area, this is often not the case with many music festivals as many times people travel from different states, or countries even, depending on the scale of the festival. Furthermore, there may have been other concessions at the festival that attracted those who attended, such as bands from other music genres, famous people, places, or things. If the demographics and motivations for the attendees were known, then a better idea on the true interest in jazz of the local population could be formulated.
The author states that a study showed that typical jazz fans spend close to $1,000 dollars a year on Jazz entertainment, but what evidence is there to prove that the study used a valid and survey method? The study could have a been based upon a small sample size from a group of jazz fans in a wealthy area. Jazz fans from different economic backgrounds could be overlooked which would drastically reduce the average annual spending. It is also important to note what kind of items are included in the category of ‘jazz entertainment.’ Items bought such as instruments and their upkeep could likely be a large part of the amount under this category, thereby leaving little room for jazz club spending.
Due to these factors the evidence that is presented in the passage has not been properly vetted or the author has failed to include appropriate date to back up this evidence. If the deficiencies mentioned could be verified and expanded upon, a better argument to secure a loan for a new jazz club in Monroe could be obtained.
Argument Task- Monroe Jazz Club Loan Application
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17 Feb 2021, 11:40
17 Feb 2021, 11:40
1
Expert Reply
The author of this passage wishes to request a small-business loan for a purposed proposed new jazz club in the city of Monroe
The author presented some evidence that the jazz club in Monroe may prove to be profitable,but Split the sentence, it is more readable. . Still, the
the author has either not performed adequate research on this topic or has not conveyed sufficient evidence to warrant the risk associated with the request for a loan.
Passive voice. Avoid it
Wordy
This way is better
If the deficiencies mentioned could be verified and expanded upon, a better argument to secure a new jazz club loan in Monroe could be obtained.
try of not to be so monotone. Use more transition intros
If you provide a specific examples in the 1st and 2nd paragraphs the essay is quite good.
Kudos also for posting it following the rules of the board perfectly
The author presented some evidence that the jazz club in Monroe may prove to be profitable,
the author has either not performed adequate research on this topic or has not conveyed sufficient evidence to warrant the risk associated with the request for a loan.
Quote:
I will present the said insufficient areas of evidence and what would be needed in order to validate them.
If the demographics and motivations for the attendees were known, then a better idea on the true interest in jazz of the local population could be formulated.
If the demographics and motivations for the attendees were known, then a better idea on the true interest in jazz of the local population could be formulated.
Passive voice. Avoid it
Quote:
If the deficiencies mentioned could be verified and expanded upon, a better argument to secure a loan for a new jazz club in Monroe could be obtained.
Wordy
This way is better
If the deficiencies mentioned could be verified and expanded upon, a better argument to secure a new jazz club loan in Monroe could be obtained.
Quote:
The author stated that over 100,000 people attended Monroe’s annual jazz festival last summer. This assumes many things about the demographics of the attendees. Firstly, that the attendees are from the Monroe area, this is often not the case with many music festivals as many times people travel from different states, or countries even, depending on the scale of the festival. Furthermore, there may have been other concessions at the festival that attracted those who attended, such as bands from other music genres, famous people, places, or things. If the demographics and motivations for the attendees were known, then a better idea on the true interest in jazz of the local population could be formulated.
The author states that a study showed that typical jazz fans spend close to $1,000 dollars a year on Jazz entertainment, but what evidence is there to prove that the study used a valid and survey method? The study could have a been based upon a small sample size from a group of jazz fans in a wealthy area. Jazz fans from different economic backgrounds could be overlooked which would drastically reduce the average annual spending. It is also important to note what kind of items are included in the category of ‘jazz entertainment.’ Items bought such as instruments and their upkeep could likely be a large part of the amount under this category, thereby leaving little room for jazz club spending.
The author states that a study showed that typical jazz fans spend close to $1,000 dollars a year on Jazz entertainment, but what evidence is there to prove that the study used a valid and survey method? The study could have a been based upon a small sample size from a group of jazz fans in a wealthy area. Jazz fans from different economic backgrounds could be overlooked which would drastically reduce the average annual spending. It is also important to note what kind of items are included in the category of ‘jazz entertainment.’ Items bought such as instruments and their upkeep could likely be a large part of the amount under this category, thereby leaving little room for jazz club spending.
try of not to be so monotone. Use more transition intros
If you provide a specific examples in the 1st and 2nd paragraphs the essay is quite good.
Kudos also for posting it following the rules of the board perfectly
Re: Argument Task- Monroe Jazz Club Loan Application
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17 Feb 2021, 12:10
17 Feb 2021, 12:10
Thank you for all the advice, I'll try to remember them on test day Friday. I'm shooting for at least a 4!
