Response
Teaching is one of the highly debatable topics in current scenario
. people are defined by the actions they perform and this plays a very important role in molding their character. It is indeed incontrovertible that any positive action performed by
the person ("the"..the person is not yet being introduce...the should be replaced by a) should be encouraged and exalted as it would be a very good teaching experience thus motivating the individual. However, it would be bad if we ignore their negative actions and only consider the positive ones while teaching. In any way of teaching an individual, the negative actions are to be criticized in the same amount as they are praised for their positive ones.
Schools are generally places a child learns of the basic subjects and
vales of his life and
this (plural.. therefore these) forms a very good base for him in future for building on this knowledge with complex concepts. Teachers are always inclined to encourage students in their endeavors and always support the students good actions. However, it would be very wrong on their part if they completely ignore their negative traits. For example, a student
(something missing here...like "who")good in studies and ranks first among the class could treat others disrespectfully and carry on
(with) lot of pride and arrogance in interacting with others. Here, even though the students academic performance is to be exalted, his bad habits should not be overlooked and the teachers should address it so that the student would not have the same bad attitude in his further life too.
Criticism plays a very important role in teaching people in the same ways as praising an individual. If the person does not get any useful negative comments on which he could improve and just positive comments from the people then he would not be able to assess his performance and improve further. For example, if an actor is just provided with encomiums and his negative traits are overlooked, he might not know his weaknesses and would be under the impression that
his (he is) perfect and requires no change. That is the reason, the critics play a very important role in movie industry as
their(they are) able to highlight the negative actions so that the people involved in the movie could improve upon them. In this case, the critics comments
would be lot of helpful(would be helpful... or would be lot of help) to the actor in becoming a very good artist.
political leaders all over the world are revered by their population and these leaders become a very good source of inspiration to the people (Not really). Even the leaders governing
the country (which country..?) learn everyday from their daily experiences and these help them in further
enhancing the life(are they doctors?) of their population. Even though their good work is to be celebrated by people their negative works should not be neglected. Criticizing the negative actions undertaken by the government helps in making the leaders realize their mistakes thus encouraging them to correct their errors and avoid them in future.
On the flip side, however, one may argue that ignoring negative actions would be the best way since the person would always be kept motivated and would not encounter any negativity. This could be helpful for some handful amount of people who are not comfortable with others pointing out their negative points, but in general overlooking the negative actions would likely result in bad effects for the individual.
(good point)Criticizing people for their negative actions is as important as praising their good actions. Only by commenting on their shortcomings and their negative traits an individual could learn properly and improve further. Avoiding their negative actions would just lead to individuals who are just being praised heavily and are not aware of their mistakes. (conclusion not strong enough)
Remarks
My rating would be 3.5 - 4.
The reasons are highlighted below:
- Grammatical and sentence structure errors
- The essay fails to convince the reader that your stand is the right one
- Conclusion and the examples you have provided can be a lot better.
Maybe my expectations were a bit high after reading your argument essay which was definitely top notch. But you essay needs a lot of work. I will suggest the following points to improve on:
- Do not use fancy words like encomiums,incontrovertible. A myth about GRE essays is that the usage of GRE words in the essay has a correlation with the essay score. Not really! As long as you use proper grammar and defend your point intelligently and use precise vocabulary to convey meaning effectively, you should be alright. It is not needed that you use heavy vocabulary or GRE words.
- Start and end strong. Concluding the essay is very important. I suggest before starting to write the essay you should have a clear cut idea and structure on how to present it. You can spare 3-4 mins to think about it and then start writing.
- Read some sample essays. The following link is an excellent guide indeed http://gmatclub.com/forum/how-to-get-6- ... 64327.html.
I hope this helps and do not hesitate if you have further queries. We are here to help!