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First Essay (Need Critique & Grading)
[#permalink]
17 Feb 2015, 20:02
17 Feb 2015, 20:02
As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.
Today’s society consists of smart phones with built-in navigation systems and music players, which enable the human being to have access to a myriad of technology at their fingertips. However, how useful are these tools? I believe as people start to rely more on technology for problem solving and completing fundamental tasks, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate.
When people today run into a problem, they immediately turn to their chosen technological tool to find the answer. Most do not take time to formulate a process or use their own reasoning to solve their issue. For instance, if a millennial is lost on their way to a gathering with friends, he or she will not analyze their surroundings or try to make sense of their location using street signs. Instead, they will continue to follow the guide of their navigation system until they have reached their destination. This describes one way relying on technology to solve problems will deteriorate the human mind.
Additionally, many simple pleasures in life are becoming overruled with technology and human minds are dismissing the value of them as technology progresses. Cooking, for instance, is an activity that many find enjoyable, especially in the presence of loved ones. Technology, however, takes apart this activity with the invention of microwave ready meals that are made within ten minutes. There is no thought being put into the types and quantities of ingredients or the method required for cooking them. In this way, I believe technology destroys the human mind by turning useful activities, such as cooking, into thoughtless ones.
One might refute technology destroys the mind with the assertion technology allows humans access to an abundance of resources in a short amount of time. However, to use all of these resources requires a great deal of time. Also, resources provided may be redundant as well as override time needed for fundamental activities such as cooking a meal or spending time with loved ones. In the end, the ability of humans to think for themselves will deteriorate as reliance upon technology to solve problems and unnecessarily speed up traditional activities increases.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.
Today’s society consists of smart phones with built-in navigation systems and music players, which enable the human being to have access to a myriad of technology at their fingertips. However, how useful are these tools? I believe as people start to rely more on technology for problem solving and completing fundamental tasks, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate.
When people today run into a problem, they immediately turn to their chosen technological tool to find the answer. Most do not take time to formulate a process or use their own reasoning to solve their issue. For instance, if a millennial is lost on their way to a gathering with friends, he or she will not analyze their surroundings or try to make sense of their location using street signs. Instead, they will continue to follow the guide of their navigation system until they have reached their destination. This describes one way relying on technology to solve problems will deteriorate the human mind.
Additionally, many simple pleasures in life are becoming overruled with technology and human minds are dismissing the value of them as technology progresses. Cooking, for instance, is an activity that many find enjoyable, especially in the presence of loved ones. Technology, however, takes apart this activity with the invention of microwave ready meals that are made within ten minutes. There is no thought being put into the types and quantities of ingredients or the method required for cooking them. In this way, I believe technology destroys the human mind by turning useful activities, such as cooking, into thoughtless ones.
One might refute technology destroys the mind with the assertion technology allows humans access to an abundance of resources in a short amount of time. However, to use all of these resources requires a great deal of time. Also, resources provided may be redundant as well as override time needed for fundamental activities such as cooking a meal or spending time with loved ones. In the end, the ability of humans to think for themselves will deteriorate as reliance upon technology to solve problems and unnecessarily speed up traditional activities increases.
Re: First Essay (Need Critique & Grading)
[#permalink]
23 Feb 2015, 13:22
23 Feb 2015, 13:22
2
Hi Baharataai,
I won't claim to be an expert on essay writing but i would like to analyse the finer details of your essay.
Starting was okay but i think you could have given some more examples. Music players are not really some disruptive technology and kind of a bit off with respect to the essay topic which suggests that technology is making people stupid.
However, how useful are these tools? I believe as people start to rely more on technology for problem solving and completing fundamental tasks, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate.
You start well with a kind of rhetorical question but the sentence that follows is not really in sync with your start. You abruptly go from questioning the usefulness of the tools to the deterioration of human cognitive ability.
When people today run into a problem, they immediately turn to their chosen technological tool to find the answer. Most do not take time to formulate a process or use their own reasoning to solve their issue. For instance, if a millennial is lost on their way to a gathering with friends, he or she will not analyze their surroundings or try to make sense of their location using street signs. Instead, they will continue to follow the guide of their navigation system until they have reached their destination. This describes one way relying on technology to solve problems will deteriorate the human mind.
The starting is solid. Your reasoning is impeccable. But again you come up short on the example to validate your argument. Even though your argument is very good but your example failed to drive the point home. If you critically look into it people using navigation system or street signs, the idea is more or less the same. You are reading direction from a fancy tech or from an old street sign. Nothing much cognitive process is involved in both the cases, so they are not in line with your argument. Maybe a better example could have been say children using advanced calculators to solve easy addition/multiplication(too literal maybe), or you can also highlight the fact the exponential decline of number of book readers in the last two decades which has a direct impact on people's imaginative capability and thinking.
Additionally, many simple pleasures in life are becoming overruled with technology and human minds are dismissing the value of them as technology progresses. Cooking, for instance, is an activity that many find enjoyable, especially in the presence of loved ones. Technology, however, takes apart this activity with the invention of microwave ready meals that are made within ten minutes. There is no thought being put into the types and quantities of ingredients or the method required for cooking them. In this way, I believe technology destroys the human mind by turning useful activities, such as cooking, into thoughtless ones.
The essay is about how the mental ability of people may or may not deteriorate due to our over reliance on technology to solve problems. "Simple pleasures of life" as cooking do not fall in this category and the argument along with the example really doesn't stick.
On hindsight i would say if i were in your place i would have argued against the idea. Frankly because its easy and since in GRE we have to write a coherent meaningful essay with strong arguments backed up with good examples its always best to choose the easy answer. But again thats entirely my opinion and you can 100% disagree with it.
Thanks & best of luck
I won't claim to be an expert on essay writing but i would like to analyse the finer details of your essay.
Starting was okay but i think you could have given some more examples. Music players are not really some disruptive technology and kind of a bit off with respect to the essay topic which suggests that technology is making people stupid.
However, how useful are these tools? I believe as people start to rely more on technology for problem solving and completing fundamental tasks, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate.
You start well with a kind of rhetorical question but the sentence that follows is not really in sync with your start. You abruptly go from questioning the usefulness of the tools to the deterioration of human cognitive ability.
When people today run into a problem, they immediately turn to their chosen technological tool to find the answer. Most do not take time to formulate a process or use their own reasoning to solve their issue. For instance, if a millennial is lost on their way to a gathering with friends, he or she will not analyze their surroundings or try to make sense of their location using street signs. Instead, they will continue to follow the guide of their navigation system until they have reached their destination. This describes one way relying on technology to solve problems will deteriorate the human mind.
The starting is solid. Your reasoning is impeccable. But again you come up short on the example to validate your argument. Even though your argument is very good but your example failed to drive the point home. If you critically look into it people using navigation system or street signs, the idea is more or less the same. You are reading direction from a fancy tech or from an old street sign. Nothing much cognitive process is involved in both the cases, so they are not in line with your argument. Maybe a better example could have been say children using advanced calculators to solve easy addition/multiplication(too literal maybe), or you can also highlight the fact the exponential decline of number of book readers in the last two decades which has a direct impact on people's imaginative capability and thinking.
Additionally, many simple pleasures in life are becoming overruled with technology and human minds are dismissing the value of them as technology progresses. Cooking, for instance, is an activity that many find enjoyable, especially in the presence of loved ones. Technology, however, takes apart this activity with the invention of microwave ready meals that are made within ten minutes. There is no thought being put into the types and quantities of ingredients or the method required for cooking them. In this way, I believe technology destroys the human mind by turning useful activities, such as cooking, into thoughtless ones.
The essay is about how the mental ability of people may or may not deteriorate due to our over reliance on technology to solve problems. "Simple pleasures of life" as cooking do not fall in this category and the argument along with the example really doesn't stick.
On hindsight i would say if i were in your place i would have argued against the idea. Frankly because its easy and since in GRE we have to write a coherent meaningful essay with strong arguments backed up with good examples its always best to choose the easy answer. But again thats entirely my opinion and you can 100% disagree with it.
Thanks & best of luck
gmatclubot
Re: First Essay (Need Critique & Grading) [#permalink]
23 Feb 2015, 13:22
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