I have just started the prep for GRE AWA and I have written on the topic of :
The following appeared as part of a letter to the editor of a scientific journal.

"A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation.
The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce
up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings.
Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after
an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those
who had had several offspring."

Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain
how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.


My answer is posted below. It would be really helpful if you could grade my essay and provide some feedback about my writing.
And is there any min or max word limit for these essays. Thank you.


In this paragraph, the author claims that the order of birth in the siblings determine the levels of simulation. Author makes these claims
based on the study conducted on eighteen rhesus monkeys. He also draws analogy to humans and their activity levels.

The paragraph does take account the activity level based on hormones secreted, but it can be that the hormones secretion also depends on the
situation. The point stating the first time mother in rhesus monkeys have more cortisol, bolsters this point. Because they are experiencing the
situation for the first time so they have such high levels. Even the pool size for the study is too less to claim a conclusion. The cortisol limit which is measured during an activity may also depend on how an individual. Some creatures approach an activity very hastily and some react very calmly to the situation. Thus it is very hard to generalize the stimulation level, with the secretion of the hormones.

Second, the author doesn't take account the genetic transfer of this attribute from the parents to the child. As stated that the first-time mothers
have high cortisol level and so does the first born child, we can deduce that this is transferred by the parent to the child. For this the study of
larger pool of rhesus monkey has to conducted.

Thirdly, the author tries to draw analogy between human and rhesus monkey to prove his point. There are some similarities between rhesus and human, but there are more differences between the two. Thus due to this fact we can't directly claim, this analogy to be true.

Conclusively, one can relate the secretion of cortisol with the birth order to some extent but we can't state it true based on the claims of the author. It could have been more concrete had the sample size of the study would be been larger and the study carried on taking into account valid assumptions.