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Argument Essay - Woven baskets characterized by a particular
[#permalink]
27 Apr 2019, 17:44
27 Apr 2019, 17:44
1
Argument | Source: ETS pool of Argument tasks
Could you please take a look and correct my approach of writing by giving tips?
The statement tries to decline the previously believed notion about some specific baskets and their exclusive possession to the ancient village of Palea. To certify the assertion, the author cites the tantamount baskets that have recently been found in a village across the River of Palea, named Lithos. Since it used to be quite impossible to convey such baskets from Palea to Lithos due to the deep river between two villages and no boats are found in Lithos, the author concludes that people of Lithos made the same baskets. The statement is flawed in some respects, like ignoring some possibilities about the observations and deduction, therefore, I can’t find it persuasive.
Firstly, the lack of boats for conveying the baskets from Palea to Lithos might not be a valid fact due to some possibilities. The boats which conveyed the baskets might be totally deteriorated and torn during the years and finally drowned in the rivers by natural events, therefore, the archeologists could not find them across the vicinity and they might find some clues about them in the future. In order to have a reliable deduction, thorough exploration is required to be taken in the vicinity to figure out the whole remainings of the ancient conveyers.
Secondly, the author states that no Palean boats are found, meaning, has restricted transportation to the Palean boats and completely denies the possibility of the presence of other boats. Whereas, some other sorts of boats might have been responsible for trading other than Palean boats. In fact, some conveyers from Lithos might be supposed to transport the baskets. Further, Palean people might not have the knowledge of creating boats or they might have used other sorts of boats that scientists are not cognizant of. In this case, the assertion is repudiated and for strengthening it, there should be precise and comprehensive information about the boats making technology in the vicinity of Palea.
Moreover, the author mentions that the river is too deep and wide and concludes that people used to be obliged to use boats to cross the river, yet the river might not be in the current shape before based on the geographical fact that many rivers are being deeper as time elapses due to the sediment smoothing in the river bed. On the other hand, the prior passage of the river might have changed in years as a result of a flood.
To sum up, since the statement lacks comprehensive information about the scrutinized vicinities and their traits, also has restricted its deduction on the already found data, is not convincing.
Could you please take a look and correct my approach of writing by giving tips?
Quote:
Woven baskets characterized by a particular distinctive pattern have previously been found only in the immediate vicinity of the prehistoric village of Palea and therefore were believed to have been made only by the Palean people. Recently, however, archaeologists discovered such a "Palean" basket in Lithos, an ancient village across the Brim River from Palea. The Brim River is very deep and broad, and so the ancient Paleans could have crossed it only by boat, and no Palean boats have been found. Thus it follows that the so-called Palean baskets were not uniquely Palean.
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The statement tries to decline the previously believed notion about some specific baskets and their exclusive possession to the ancient village of Palea. To certify the assertion, the author cites the tantamount baskets that have recently been found in a village across the River of Palea, named Lithos. Since it used to be quite impossible to convey such baskets from Palea to Lithos due to the deep river between two villages and no boats are found in Lithos, the author concludes that people of Lithos made the same baskets. The statement is flawed in some respects, like ignoring some possibilities about the observations and deduction, therefore, I can’t find it persuasive.
Firstly, the lack of boats for conveying the baskets from Palea to Lithos might not be a valid fact due to some possibilities. The boats which conveyed the baskets might be totally deteriorated and torn during the years and finally drowned in the rivers by natural events, therefore, the archeologists could not find them across the vicinity and they might find some clues about them in the future. In order to have a reliable deduction, thorough exploration is required to be taken in the vicinity to figure out the whole remainings of the ancient conveyers.
Secondly, the author states that no Palean boats are found, meaning, has restricted transportation to the Palean boats and completely denies the possibility of the presence of other boats. Whereas, some other sorts of boats might have been responsible for trading other than Palean boats. In fact, some conveyers from Lithos might be supposed to transport the baskets. Further, Palean people might not have the knowledge of creating boats or they might have used other sorts of boats that scientists are not cognizant of. In this case, the assertion is repudiated and for strengthening it, there should be precise and comprehensive information about the boats making technology in the vicinity of Palea.
Moreover, the author mentions that the river is too deep and wide and concludes that people used to be obliged to use boats to cross the river, yet the river might not be in the current shape before based on the geographical fact that many rivers are being deeper as time elapses due to the sediment smoothing in the river bed. On the other hand, the prior passage of the river might have changed in years as a result of a flood.
To sum up, since the statement lacks comprehensive information about the scrutinized vicinities and their traits, also has restricted its deduction on the already found data, is not convincing.
Re: Argument Essay - Woven baskets characterized by a particular
[#permalink]
28 Apr 2019, 12:50
28 Apr 2019, 12:50
1
Expert Reply
Could you please take a look and correct my approach of to writing by giving tips?
Woven baskets characterized by a particular distinctive pattern have previously been found onlyin the immediate vicinity near (write simple and straight, is more impressive) of theprehistoric old ancient village of Palea
To certify the assertion, the author, To certify the assertion (dangling modifier, it is unclear in the first position to who or what it refers to), cites the tantamount baskets that have recently been found in a village across the River of Palea, named Lithos.
like ignoring some possibilities about the observations and deduction,therefore (should be ; therefore always put a semicolon before therefore or at the beginning of the sentence after a full stop) I can’t find it persuasive.
In order to have a reliable deduction, thorough exploration is required to be taken in the vicinity to figure out the whole remainings of the ancient conveyers.
Further, Palean people might nothave the knowledge known about of creating boats or they might have used other sorts of boats that scientists are not cognizant of aware.
Moreover, the author mentions that the river is too deep and wide and concludes that people used to be obliged to use boats to cross the river, yet the river might not be in the current shape before based on the geographical fact that many rivers are being deeper as time elapses due to the sediment smoothing in the river bed.
This entire paragraph is wordy and not clear.
Overall the essay is good: well formatted, the points are explained very clearly. I would stretch it a bit more give some more reason why the argument is flawed.
I hope this helps.
regards
Woven baskets characterized by a particular distinctive pattern have previously been found only
like ignoring some possibilities about the observations and deduction,
Further, Palean people might not
Moreover, the author mentions that the river is too deep and wide and concludes that people used to be obliged to use boats to cross the river, yet the river might not be in the current shape before based on the geographical fact that many rivers are being deeper as time elapses due to the sediment smoothing in the river bed.
This entire paragraph is wordy and not clear.
Overall the essay is good: well formatted, the points are explained very clearly. I would stretch it a bit more give some more reason why the argument is flawed.
I hope this helps.
regards
Re: Argument Essay - Woven baskets characterized by a particular
[#permalink]
28 Apr 2019, 17:53
28 Apr 2019, 17:53
Thank you so much. It was really helpful for me.
