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Kindly review my essays (argument & issue)
[#permalink]
24 Sep 2018, 14:42
24 Sep 2018, 14:42
I try GRE powerprep 1 and here is my essay:
The requirement of using same national curriculum for all students before entering college is sometime necessary. However, the ability for students who want to study abroad, temporary foreigner who has children, as well as the possibility to increase national income would become less possible. Therefore, it should not mandatory for students to study same national curriculum before they enter college.
The first problem if we enable the obligation to use the same national curriculum for all students before entering college is regarding the ability of them to study abroad. For an example, in Indonesia, the curriculum is not the same as in United States. Thus, students who want to doing college in United States, would be better to attend school which United States curriculum is used as their primary curriculum.
Secondly, there will be temporary foreigner who maybe lives or works in some country with having their children come with them. The mandatory to use same national curriculum will be a problem whenever these foreigner return to their original country. As an example, most foreigner prefer to send their children to an international school which match their original country curriculum. That is why so many international school established supporting foreigner children to catch up with their origin country curriculum.
Lastly, the possibility to attract international business which in this case is international school, to open their branch in the country as foreign entity. Hence, it will of course give more income to the country itself. By eliminating the obligation to use national curriculum, many international school will excited to doing business in the country.
This is not saying that using national curriculum is bad, sometimes it is necessary to help the citizen get equal education. However, it will still loose too many benefit if the country forced all schools to implement national curriculum.
Based on the above explanation, the requirement for all students to study the same national curriculum before entering college should not be implemented at all due to the reason stated above.
The requirement of using same national curriculum for all students before entering college is sometime necessary. However, the ability for students who want to study abroad, temporary foreigner who has children, as well as the possibility to increase national income would become less possible. Therefore, it should not mandatory for students to study same national curriculum before they enter college.
The first problem if we enable the obligation to use the same national curriculum for all students before entering college is regarding the ability of them to study abroad. For an example, in Indonesia, the curriculum is not the same as in United States. Thus, students who want to doing college in United States, would be better to attend school which United States curriculum is used as their primary curriculum.
Secondly, there will be temporary foreigner who maybe lives or works in some country with having their children come with them. The mandatory to use same national curriculum will be a problem whenever these foreigner return to their original country. As an example, most foreigner prefer to send their children to an international school which match their original country curriculum. That is why so many international school established supporting foreigner children to catch up with their origin country curriculum.
Lastly, the possibility to attract international business which in this case is international school, to open their branch in the country as foreign entity. Hence, it will of course give more income to the country itself. By eliminating the obligation to use national curriculum, many international school will excited to doing business in the country.
This is not saying that using national curriculum is bad, sometimes it is necessary to help the citizen get equal education. However, it will still loose too many benefit if the country forced all schools to implement national curriculum.
Based on the above explanation, the requirement for all students to study the same national curriculum before entering college should not be implemented at all due to the reason stated above.
Re: Kindly review my essays (argument & issue)
[#permalink]
24 Sep 2018, 14:42
24 Sep 2018, 14:42
and here is my second essay:
The author of memorandum in which he is a business manager of a television station stated that he suggests to restore the time devoted to weather and local news to its former time. This happened due to several reasons, such as complaints received from viewers about the station's coverage, cancelation of advertisement from local business, as well as to attract more viewers. Even though this claims is convincing, the reasons that the author stated are still lack of evidences for decision making.
When the author write about complaints received from viewers about station's coverage, we still need to know the detail about their complaints. Does the complaints is about the time spent on the news, or anything else. For an example about the coverage area, the content of the news, or it can be about the amount of advertisement in between the news session.
Moreover, the reason about the cancelation of advertisement from local business is also very questionable because it has many possibility of reason that can caused some business to cancel their expenditure, such as the advertisement did not subsequently increased the local company income or the company cutting their budget to television advertisement. Therefore, we cannot say that the cancelation is due to time period on weather and local news or not.
Lastly, the reason to attract more viewers also does not have a solid basis for the television station to restore the time for weather and local news to its former level. This is because the author does not provide the average of viewers before the weather and local news covered time was reduced.
Therefore, even though the reason provided by the author is very compelling to change the time devoted to weather and local news to its former level, the reasons presented by the author still lack of supporting evidence for decision maker to make an action regarding this memorandum.
The author of memorandum in which he is a business manager of a television station stated that he suggests to restore the time devoted to weather and local news to its former time. This happened due to several reasons, such as complaints received from viewers about the station's coverage, cancelation of advertisement from local business, as well as to attract more viewers. Even though this claims is convincing, the reasons that the author stated are still lack of evidences for decision making.
When the author write about complaints received from viewers about station's coverage, we still need to know the detail about their complaints. Does the complaints is about the time spent on the news, or anything else. For an example about the coverage area, the content of the news, or it can be about the amount of advertisement in between the news session.
Moreover, the reason about the cancelation of advertisement from local business is also very questionable because it has many possibility of reason that can caused some business to cancel their expenditure, such as the advertisement did not subsequently increased the local company income or the company cutting their budget to television advertisement. Therefore, we cannot say that the cancelation is due to time period on weather and local news or not.
Lastly, the reason to attract more viewers also does not have a solid basis for the television station to restore the time for weather and local news to its former level. This is because the author does not provide the average of viewers before the weather and local news covered time was reduced.
Therefore, even though the reason provided by the author is very compelling to change the time devoted to weather and local news to its former level, the reasons presented by the author still lack of supporting evidence for decision maker to make an action regarding this memorandum.
Re: Kindly review my essays (argument & issue)
[#permalink]
30 Sep 2018, 00:30
30 Sep 2018, 00:30
Expert Reply
Please post your essays in two different posts next5 time.
We will evaluate properly this manner.
However, your essays are too short and do not address fully the stem provided.
See my guide for consistent improvements
https://gre.myprepclub.com/forum/greprepcl ... -3426.html
Regards
We will evaluate properly this manner.
However, your essays are too short and do not address fully the stem provided.
See my guide for consistent improvements
https://gre.myprepclub.com/forum/greprepcl ... -3426.html
Regards
