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Please review my Issue Essay Task
[#permalink]
04 Jul 2023, 09:53
04 Jul 2023, 09:53
Please review my Issue Essay Task
The Issue Prompt:
"All too often, companies hire outside consultants to suggest ways for the company to operate more efficiently. If companies were to spend more time listening to their own employees, such consultants would be unnecessary."
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with these statements and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statements might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.
My response:
The argument claims that if the company were to spend more time understanding the issues from the current employees, then such a need for an external consultant would be deemed unnecessary. I, however, somewhat disagree with such a claim and my reasons are three-folds.
Firstly, it's more likely that employees of a particular company can help provide more useful insights into some of the company's internal issues. For instance, if the company was facing lower retention rates this previous year due to reasons like absence of a convivial work environment or maybe absence of moral upliftment from seniors. If that were the case, then hiring of consultants would only result in some generic solutions that might not be the root of the issue as not all employees find it comfortable to share their reasons of leaving.
While it's true that without any useful information consultants wouldn't be very productive. However, there might be cases where inputs regarding specific domain is needed, where employees smattering in those particular domains might not be very reliable. In cases like such, employee inputs would be tantamount to their familiarity with those topics and a company can't roll a coin on such matters, especially if it's a precarious one. For instance, if the company needs to decide whether or not to invest a particular stock based on the previous trends then consultant's experience is better tailored to provide an educated guess for any upheaval in the stock market. If that's the case, then having a second opinion from an external consultant might be lucrative for the company.
Moreover, having an external consultant would mean addition of an unbiased opinion for any particular decision. There may be cases where a disgruntled employee would voice his thoughts solely based on some internal grudge. If that's the case, then the company could be misled with the feedback received which could lead to capricious situations. For example, if an employee bears a grudge against his manager for not tendering a promotion, then the employee could try vilifying against the manager with other employees leading to possible downfall in productivity of the team.
While there may be several reasons for the same, I believe that having a mix of both would be the pragmatic solution. If the employees’ inputs are taken into consideration by the company and the consultants, then it'd help improve the solution that the consultants come up which would have better ramifications, both in terms of employee satisfaction and company's operating efficiency.
The Issue Prompt:
"All too often, companies hire outside consultants to suggest ways for the company to operate more efficiently. If companies were to spend more time listening to their own employees, such consultants would be unnecessary."
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with these statements and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statements might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.
My response:
The argument claims that if the company were to spend more time understanding the issues from the current employees, then such a need for an external consultant would be deemed unnecessary. I, however, somewhat disagree with such a claim and my reasons are three-folds.
Firstly, it's more likely that employees of a particular company can help provide more useful insights into some of the company's internal issues. For instance, if the company was facing lower retention rates this previous year due to reasons like absence of a convivial work environment or maybe absence of moral upliftment from seniors. If that were the case, then hiring of consultants would only result in some generic solutions that might not be the root of the issue as not all employees find it comfortable to share their reasons of leaving.
While it's true that without any useful information consultants wouldn't be very productive. However, there might be cases where inputs regarding specific domain is needed, where employees smattering in those particular domains might not be very reliable. In cases like such, employee inputs would be tantamount to their familiarity with those topics and a company can't roll a coin on such matters, especially if it's a precarious one. For instance, if the company needs to decide whether or not to invest a particular stock based on the previous trends then consultant's experience is better tailored to provide an educated guess for any upheaval in the stock market. If that's the case, then having a second opinion from an external consultant might be lucrative for the company.
Moreover, having an external consultant would mean addition of an unbiased opinion for any particular decision. There may be cases where a disgruntled employee would voice his thoughts solely based on some internal grudge. If that's the case, then the company could be misled with the feedback received which could lead to capricious situations. For example, if an employee bears a grudge against his manager for not tendering a promotion, then the employee could try vilifying against the manager with other employees leading to possible downfall in productivity of the team.
While there may be several reasons for the same, I believe that having a mix of both would be the pragmatic solution. If the employees’ inputs are taken into consideration by the company and the consultants, then it'd help improve the solution that the consultants come up which would have better ramifications, both in terms of employee satisfaction and company's operating efficiency.
Re: Please review my Issue Essay Task
[#permalink]
21 Aug 2023, 22:55
21 Aug 2023, 22:55
Expert Reply
Argument Essay
Assignment Score: 46.25
Writing quantity
1. You have written 415 words.
2. I count a total of 5 paragraphs.
3. You have written 16 sentences.
4. You have written 0 question.
Essay structure and content: 45%
Paragraph 1 - introduction: 52%
Opening:
The argument claims that if the company were to spend more time understanding the issues from the current employees, then such a need for an external consultant would be deemed unnecessary.
I was expecting to find a question mark at the end of the first sentence of your introduction. There wasn't one. Remember to start your essay with a question to engage your reader's attention. Try questions like these: Have you ever seen...? or Did you know that...? Your score for this feature = 0/100
I was unable to detect any errors in your first sentence. That's good. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Context:
I checked your introduction for words and phrases that writers use to establish the importance of their topic. I was unable to find any matches. Establish the importance of your topic with one of these phrases: a vital factor in, the leading cause of, widely considered to be, set to become, undergoing a revolution, is responsible for. Your score for this feature = 0/100
You have chosen animal rights as your topic, but your introduction only contains one animal-rights-related word. Use more for a higher score. Here are some words I expected to encounter in a discussion on this topic: animal rights, drug testing, research, pain, suffer, unnecessary, cruelty. Your score for this feature = 60/100
Thesis:
I, however, somewhat disagree with such a claim and my reasons are three-folds.
The last sentence of your introduction incorporates characteristics of a thesis statement that should have an impact on your reader. That's good. Remember that a good thesis statement should express a succinct debatable claim with supporting reasons that you can develop with evidence and reasons. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Paragraph 2 - first supporting argument: 40%
Topic sentence:
Firstly, it's more likely that employees of a particular company can help provide more useful insights into some of the company's internal issues.
The first sentence of this paragraph will have a weak impact on your reader. You can improve this feature of your essay in the following ways:
Keep it short
Use a transition word: First, To begin, etc.
Use your own words--don't quote. Use quotes later in the paragraph to support your claim.
Ensure that your topic sentence makes one succinct debatable claim that will catch your reader's attention and that the rest of the paragraph will elaborate on with reasons and examples.
Here are examples of topic sentences that make a strong claim:
We need to tax processed food with added sugar to reduce the harm it is causing.
First of all, internet censorship is bad for business.
First, animals deserve a life without cruelty, pain, isolation, and misery.
Indeed, abortion must remain a matter of personal choice for the woman.
Above all, society must guarantee women workplaces free from sexual harassment.
Your score for this feature = 40/100
Argue:
You have used multiple words commonly used in argumentation. That's excellent. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Evidence:
You have not used any words commonly used used when giving evidence. That's not good. Use one or two more words and phrases for giving evidence to get a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: according to, to quote from, tells us that, shows us that, referring to, argues that, stated, wrote, argued, discussed, expressed the concern that. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Cite sources:
You have not included an in-text citation, as far as I can tell. I was expecting to find a capitalized name (Walker) or year (2019) in parentheses in your first body paragraph. Scholars must use and cite information from reliable sources. Speak to your teacher or review the lesson in your textbook about how to cite sources within your paragraph. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Support:
You have used a word commonly used when providing support. That's good. Use one or two more support words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: a case in point, an analogy, another way, as an example, as an illustration, consider, put another way. Your score for this feature = 60/100
Paragraph 3 - second supporting argument: 48%
Topic sentence:
While it's true that without any useful information consultants wouldn't be very productive.
The first sentence of this second body paragraph has characteristics of a strong topic sentence. That's good. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Argue:
You have used two words commonly used in argumentation. That's good. Use one or two more argumentation words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: by analogy, we can conclude, evidence, fact, fallacy, implication, follows that, it makes sense, opinion, point of view, posit, premise, proof, statistic, reason, relevance. Your score for this feature = 80/100
Evidence:
You have not used any words commonly used used when giving evidence. That's not good. Use one or two more words and phrases for giving evidence to get a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: according to, to quote from, tells us that, shows us that, referring to, argues that, stated, wrote, argued, discussed, expressed the concern that. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Cite sources:
You have not included an in-text citation, as far as I can tell. I was expecting to find a capitalized name (Walker) or year (2019) in parentheses in your second body paragraph. Scholars must use and cite information from reliable sources. Speak to your teacher or review the lesson in your textbook about how to cite sources within your paragraph. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Support:
You have used a word commonly used when providing support. That's good. Use one or two more support words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: a case in point, an analogy, another way, as an example, as an illustration, consider, put another way. Your score for this feature = 60/100
Paragraph 4 - counterargument: 20%
Topic sentence:
Moreover, having an external consultant would mean addition of an unbiased opinion for any particular decision.
The first sentence of this paragraph has the characteristics of a counterargument. That's good. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Counter argue:
You have not introduced an opposing view using a commonly used phrase for reporting counterarguments. Improve your score by using a phrase from among these examples: some people claim, some people say, some believe, others believe, people object to, try to refute, discount, reject, it is often argued that, the opposing view, the opposing side. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Concede:
You have not used any phrases for conceding a point to opposing side. Being able to acknowledge and concede that there is apparent merit in the opposing view, you show your reader that you are fair-minded and reasonable. Here are some phrases you can use to concede: granted, it is true that, while it is true that, naturally, indeed, to be sure, admittedly, certainly, of course, one cannot deny that. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Refute:
You have not used any words or phrases to refute the opposing argument. You must mount an effect rebuttal. Here are some phrases you can use in your refutation of the counterargument: that being said, that said, however, nonetheless, nevertheless, on the contrary, on the other hand, regardless, whereas, although, and yet, in contrast, despite, countervailing evidence suggests. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Cite sources:
You have not included a citation. That's not good. It is important to indicate your sources. Speak to your teacher or review the lesson in your textbook about citing sources to improve your score. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Conclusion: 66%
Reformulation of the thesis:
While there may be several reasons for the same, I believe that having a mix of both would be the pragmatic solution.
Your reformulated thesis in your conclusion is 14% the same as your thesis statement in your introduction. That's good. Your score for this feature = 100/100
The first sentence of your conclusion doesn't express an opinion. Make a claim that you can vigorously defend. You can improve your score by writing a reformulated thesis statement that makes a strong claim, like this: In conclusion, Blade Runner was ahead of its time in terms of the visual effects it offered and the way it treated science-fiction as a form of art. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Recommendation:
The paragraph contains suggestion words like .
No recommendation? I checked your conclusion for advice words to see if you had recommended a course of action to your reader. I was unable to detect any of these words and their conjugations: should, must, have to, has to, ought to, recommend, propose, encourage. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Prediction:
The paragraph contains prediction words like would.
I checked your conclusion for prediction words to see if you had made a prediction. It seems you have. That's good. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Vocabulary: 60%
Argument-related words: argument, believe, claim, claims, opinion, reasons, true
Feedback: You have used many words related to argumentation. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Topic-related words: unnecessary
Feedback: You have used 1 or 2 controversy-related words in your essay. That's a start. Your score for this feature = 20/100
Works Cited Section: 0%
Language Accuracy: 80%
Number of errors: 4
Feedback: I was able to detect a few errors in your writing. Do your best to eliminate any avoidable errors in your writing by rereading your essay carefully and by using a spell checker and grammar checker. Your score for this feature = 90/100
Grammar Check Feedback
You wrote: ... however, somewhat disagree with such a claim and my reasons are three-folds. Firstly...
Feedback: Conjugate your verb for the third person singular in the simple present.
Suggestion: such a claims
You wrote: ...k environment or maybe absence of moral upliftment from seniors. If that were the case, th...
Feedback: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: enlistment, uplifted, uplifting
You wrote: ...able to share their reasons of leaving. While it's true that without any useful infor...
Feedback: "While" at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Suggestion:
You wrote: ... both in terms of employee satisfaction and company's operating efficiency.
Feedback: You need an definite article before the word "company" Try this instead: "and the company's operating efficiency".
Suggestion: and the company's operating efficiency
Assignment Score: 46.25
Writing quantity
1. You have written 415 words.
2. I count a total of 5 paragraphs.
3. You have written 16 sentences.
4. You have written 0 question.
Essay structure and content: 45%
Paragraph 1 - introduction: 52%
Opening:
The argument claims that if the company were to spend more time understanding the issues from the current employees, then such a need for an external consultant would be deemed unnecessary.
I was expecting to find a question mark at the end of the first sentence of your introduction. There wasn't one. Remember to start your essay with a question to engage your reader's attention. Try questions like these: Have you ever seen...? or Did you know that...? Your score for this feature = 0/100
I was unable to detect any errors in your first sentence. That's good. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Context:
I checked your introduction for words and phrases that writers use to establish the importance of their topic. I was unable to find any matches. Establish the importance of your topic with one of these phrases: a vital factor in, the leading cause of, widely considered to be, set to become, undergoing a revolution, is responsible for. Your score for this feature = 0/100
You have chosen animal rights as your topic, but your introduction only contains one animal-rights-related word. Use more for a higher score. Here are some words I expected to encounter in a discussion on this topic: animal rights, drug testing, research, pain, suffer, unnecessary, cruelty. Your score for this feature = 60/100
Thesis:
I, however, somewhat disagree with such a claim and my reasons are three-folds.
The last sentence of your introduction incorporates characteristics of a thesis statement that should have an impact on your reader. That's good. Remember that a good thesis statement should express a succinct debatable claim with supporting reasons that you can develop with evidence and reasons. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Paragraph 2 - first supporting argument: 40%
Topic sentence:
Firstly, it's more likely that employees of a particular company can help provide more useful insights into some of the company's internal issues.
The first sentence of this paragraph will have a weak impact on your reader. You can improve this feature of your essay in the following ways:
Keep it short
Use a transition word: First, To begin, etc.
Use your own words--don't quote. Use quotes later in the paragraph to support your claim.
Ensure that your topic sentence makes one succinct debatable claim that will catch your reader's attention and that the rest of the paragraph will elaborate on with reasons and examples.
Here are examples of topic sentences that make a strong claim:
We need to tax processed food with added sugar to reduce the harm it is causing.
First of all, internet censorship is bad for business.
First, animals deserve a life without cruelty, pain, isolation, and misery.
Indeed, abortion must remain a matter of personal choice for the woman.
Above all, society must guarantee women workplaces free from sexual harassment.
Your score for this feature = 40/100
Argue:
You have used multiple words commonly used in argumentation. That's excellent. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Evidence:
You have not used any words commonly used used when giving evidence. That's not good. Use one or two more words and phrases for giving evidence to get a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: according to, to quote from, tells us that, shows us that, referring to, argues that, stated, wrote, argued, discussed, expressed the concern that. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Cite sources:
You have not included an in-text citation, as far as I can tell. I was expecting to find a capitalized name (Walker) or year (2019) in parentheses in your first body paragraph. Scholars must use and cite information from reliable sources. Speak to your teacher or review the lesson in your textbook about how to cite sources within your paragraph. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Support:
You have used a word commonly used when providing support. That's good. Use one or two more support words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: a case in point, an analogy, another way, as an example, as an illustration, consider, put another way. Your score for this feature = 60/100
Paragraph 3 - second supporting argument: 48%
Topic sentence:
While it's true that without any useful information consultants wouldn't be very productive.
The first sentence of this second body paragraph has characteristics of a strong topic sentence. That's good. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Argue:
You have used two words commonly used in argumentation. That's good. Use one or two more argumentation words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: by analogy, we can conclude, evidence, fact, fallacy, implication, follows that, it makes sense, opinion, point of view, posit, premise, proof, statistic, reason, relevance. Your score for this feature = 80/100
Evidence:
You have not used any words commonly used used when giving evidence. That's not good. Use one or two more words and phrases for giving evidence to get a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: according to, to quote from, tells us that, shows us that, referring to, argues that, stated, wrote, argued, discussed, expressed the concern that. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Cite sources:
You have not included an in-text citation, as far as I can tell. I was expecting to find a capitalized name (Walker) or year (2019) in parentheses in your second body paragraph. Scholars must use and cite information from reliable sources. Speak to your teacher or review the lesson in your textbook about how to cite sources within your paragraph. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Support:
You have used a word commonly used when providing support. That's good. Use one or two more support words and phrases for a higher score. Some examples of words that you can use are as follows: a case in point, an analogy, another way, as an example, as an illustration, consider, put another way. Your score for this feature = 60/100
Paragraph 4 - counterargument: 20%
Topic sentence:
Moreover, having an external consultant would mean addition of an unbiased opinion for any particular decision.
The first sentence of this paragraph has the characteristics of a counterargument. That's good. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Counter argue:
You have not introduced an opposing view using a commonly used phrase for reporting counterarguments. Improve your score by using a phrase from among these examples: some people claim, some people say, some believe, others believe, people object to, try to refute, discount, reject, it is often argued that, the opposing view, the opposing side. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Concede:
You have not used any phrases for conceding a point to opposing side. Being able to acknowledge and concede that there is apparent merit in the opposing view, you show your reader that you are fair-minded and reasonable. Here are some phrases you can use to concede: granted, it is true that, while it is true that, naturally, indeed, to be sure, admittedly, certainly, of course, one cannot deny that. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Refute:
You have not used any words or phrases to refute the opposing argument. You must mount an effect rebuttal. Here are some phrases you can use in your refutation of the counterargument: that being said, that said, however, nonetheless, nevertheless, on the contrary, on the other hand, regardless, whereas, although, and yet, in contrast, despite, countervailing evidence suggests. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Cite sources:
You have not included a citation. That's not good. It is important to indicate your sources. Speak to your teacher or review the lesson in your textbook about citing sources to improve your score. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Conclusion: 66%
Reformulation of the thesis:
While there may be several reasons for the same, I believe that having a mix of both would be the pragmatic solution.
Your reformulated thesis in your conclusion is 14% the same as your thesis statement in your introduction. That's good. Your score for this feature = 100/100
The first sentence of your conclusion doesn't express an opinion. Make a claim that you can vigorously defend. You can improve your score by writing a reformulated thesis statement that makes a strong claim, like this: In conclusion, Blade Runner was ahead of its time in terms of the visual effects it offered and the way it treated science-fiction as a form of art. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Recommendation:
The paragraph contains suggestion words like .
No recommendation? I checked your conclusion for advice words to see if you had recommended a course of action to your reader. I was unable to detect any of these words and their conjugations: should, must, have to, has to, ought to, recommend, propose, encourage. Your score for this feature = 0/100
Prediction:
The paragraph contains prediction words like would.
I checked your conclusion for prediction words to see if you had made a prediction. It seems you have. That's good. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Vocabulary: 60%
Argument-related words: argument, believe, claim, claims, opinion, reasons, true
Feedback: You have used many words related to argumentation. Your score for this feature = 100/100
Topic-related words: unnecessary
Feedback: You have used 1 or 2 controversy-related words in your essay. That's a start. Your score for this feature = 20/100
Works Cited Section: 0%
Language Accuracy: 80%
Number of errors: 4
Feedback: I was able to detect a few errors in your writing. Do your best to eliminate any avoidable errors in your writing by rereading your essay carefully and by using a spell checker and grammar checker. Your score for this feature = 90/100
Grammar Check Feedback
You wrote: ... however, somewhat disagree with such a claim and my reasons are three-folds. Firstly...
Feedback: Conjugate your verb for the third person singular in the simple present.
Suggestion: such a claims
You wrote: ...k environment or maybe absence of moral upliftment from seniors. If that were the case, th...
Feedback: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: enlistment, uplifted, uplifting
You wrote: ...able to share their reasons of leaving. While it's true that without any useful infor...
Feedback: "While" at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Suggestion:
You wrote: ... both in terms of employee satisfaction and company's operating efficiency.
Feedback: You need an definite article before the word "company" Try this instead: "and the company's operating efficiency".
Suggestion: and the company's operating efficiency
gmatclubot
Re: Please review my Issue Essay Task [#permalink]
21 Aug 2023, 22:55
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