I am trying to improving my writing score as much as possible(Trying to score a 4.5 or higher). I will post the prompt and then post the essay with a word doc.These came from the essay argument pool from ETS.This is my first essay and its the argumentative

Prompt:
"Erosion of beach sand along the shores of Tria Island is a serious threat to our island and our tourist industry. In order to stop the erosion, we should charge people for using the beaches. Although this solution may annoy a few tourists in the short term, it will raise money for replenishing the sand. Replenishing the sand, as was done to protect buildings on the nearby island of Batia, will help protect buildings along our shores, thereby reducing these buildings' risk of additional damage from severe storms. And since beaches and buildings in the area will be preserved, Tria's tourist industry will improve over the long term."

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.




This is the second essay which is the issue

Prompt:
Nations should pass laws to preserve any remaining wilderness areas in their natural state, even if these areas could be developed for economic gain.

Write a response in which you discuss your views on the policy and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider the possible consequences of implementing the policy and explain how these consequences shape your position.




I really appreciate a critique on my essay. I have a bit of trouble of keeping tracking things of what I previous wrote. Thats why I think there are some setence flow errors or grammatical errors as well. But I will really appreciate any critique of my essays.